Redditor not-me1370 is a bisexual woman who offended her male friend after discussing his relationship problems.
When the friend asked her why she wouldn’t consider dating him, she was brutally honest in pointing out a side of him she thought was a definite turn-off.
He didn’t take it well.
Wondering if she went too far with her personal criticism, she visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling my friend I wouldn’t date him because he was ‘too Christian’?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained what happened in the course of their conversation.
“Me and one of my male friends were talking about his recent endeavors in the dating scene, specifically about how things didn’t work out between him and one of my old friends.”
“She (z) was older and the kind of girl that was pretty open about her sexuality and not afraid to flaunt what she had, while T was more innocent, conservative Christian kinda guy. I commended his pull game, but they didn’t really seem to be each other’s type, so I was surprised that they even had a thing together.”
“(Just to clarify, I’m bi and in a relationship, so when male friends talk to me about girls it’s because I’m a girl who also likes said girls)”
“This lead to him lamenting about how it didn’t work out, how he thought she was ‘kinda hoe-y” but after talking to her realized she was so much more, how hot she was, and eventually to ‘is there something wrong with me?’ ‘Why wouldn’t you date me?’ (At this point wasn’t a super heavy convo, we interact a lot by ribbing and trying to roast each other.)”
“I told him he was too ‘nice christian boy’ and he was all like ‘what do you meannnn??'”
“Basically, (again we are good friends I respect his values and he generally respects everyone’s right to do whatever they want) I honestly told him I wouldn’t date him because he’s pro-life, thinks sex before marriage is dumb, thinks girls who wear revealing clothes do it for attention, cannot cook or do laundry without his mom, chose his major because his parents told him too, and thinks the end goal in life is to settle down with a wife and a white picket fence.”
“He’d have a better chance going for a nice Christian girl with his values or shift is values a bit if he really wants girls like (z).”
“(The way I said it was more like ‘boi you can’t even cook spaghetti and you think all girls in booty shorts are asking for it’).”
“Anyway I think he was a little offended but we kept talking and eventually got to the point where I said for me, personally, being very Christian/religious was definitely a turn off.”
“He said I was discriminating and hypocritical for roasting him for not being open minded while being too close minded myself to date devout Christians. I guess he has a point, and looking back I think I might have said too much, so now I am wondering…AITA?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
NTA – Not The A**hole
YTA – You’re The A**hole
ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
NAH – No A**holes Here
“NTA. There is such a thing as compatibility, and all you told him is that you had incompatible values.”
“It probably is a better idea for him to date someone with similar values than date people who are very different, try to change them, and then be derogatory about them when he inevitably fails to do that.”
“He can’t cry about being judged if he started off this entire convo with a judgemental comment.” – Calandra205
“NTA. Dating as a way to find a life partner means it’s important to date people you could actually see sharing a life with. Having fundamentally different values is a legitimate reason to dismiss someone from your dating pool.”
“Also, who wants to date a guy who relies on his parents to plan his life? That’s just asking for a terrible in-law situation.” – belladonna_echo
“NTA. He’s a hypocrite … hes literally upset at you for saying the same stuff he said to his exgirl. But in the reverse perspective.” – JennaMatrixxx
“NTA … Dating preferences are, by definition, not discriminatory because nobody is obligated to date any other person for any reason. Ever.”
“You don’t want to date a trans person? That’s valid. You don’t want to date a physically disabled person? That’s valid. You don’t want to date a conservative person? That’s valid. You don’t want to date a poor person? That’s valid. You don’t want to date a Christian? That’s valid.”
“He is essentially putting his insecurities about dating on you and trying to make you feel an obligation where one should not exist. And that’s f’king a**hole behavior to me, much more than the mocking tone you delivered your opinion in.” – nonstopgirlfriend
“NTA it SHOULD be a turn off for a non-religious, pro-choice person to date a religious pro-life person and vice versa.”
“Those kinds of differences in ideology cannot be easily reconciled within a relationship. Pointing that out might do him a big favor in terms of future happiness and there’s no assholery in being honest with a friend.” – msdeflaggelate
Redditors who rejected their formerly devout ways shared their perspectives on dating.
“Yeah. I used to be the nice Christian boy.”
“I’m glad nobody gave me a chance. I’m glad it forced me to recheck my values and the whys behind them. I’m glad I became a kinder softer person, motivated by loneliness.”
“My current partner has values much closer to OPs and I couldn’t be happier. Truth be told I also refused to date nice Christian girls, something in me always told me to stay away from such arbitrary deep seated prejudice.” – GuiltyandCharged
“Former good Christian boi here as well, I’m gonna be honest seeing ‘Christian’ as a religion on dating apps kinda repels me now.”
“It probably shouldn’t, just the same as ‘Muslim, Buddhist, etc’ shouldn’t repel me. I would even say that I still have faith to a certain extent, although it’s kind of my own version (probably closer to ‘spiritual’ although I kinda don’t like that word).”
“It’s just something about the rigidity and absoluteness of religion that turns me off. I prefer people who have a faith but are willing to accept that there are other possibilities out there, and are willing to accept that no one actually knows what’s out there beyond our reality and beyond our lifetimes.”
“It’s freeing once you believe in a greater deity, but believe that that deity truly does love you (as every religion preaches) and that it’s not something to be afraid of. That if you acknowledge your ignorance that ‘God may not exist or may not be who i think he/she/it is’ they are perfectly understanding of that and love you just the same.”
“And that they don’t banish you to hell for thinking that the stories recorded centuries ago might not be the truth and nothing but the truth.”
“This all stemmed from realizing in college that my best friend, who is catholic, would be bound for hell after he died because he didn’t believe in salvation due to Jesus’ death and sacrifice on the cross.”
“I determined that if that was the truth, God could send me to hell as well, because Andrew is a great guy and deserves way more than that after death.” – Mason-Derulo
“NTA. You pointed out his misogyny that he wraps in “Christian” paper. Being a misogynist is not a requirement of being Christian.”
“He can unpack all that and still be a devout Christian. If your comments help him realise that, he can make his own life better and make the world a better place.”
Fellow Christians expressed their disapproval of his views.
“I’m a Christian. I wouldn’t date him.” – candydaze
“NTA. I’m Christian and dude sounds like he needs to stop being selective in what parts of the Bible he reads.” – chicken_nugget08
“NAH. I’m Christian as well and he sounds like an entitled prick. While it may be just his denomination frankly just no. No thanks.” – zora833
“NTA. I am a Christian and this isn’t offensive at all. (I wouldn’t date this guy either btw for quite a few reasons.)”
“You can respect someone’s values and not want a romantic relationship with them.” – Beachlover8282
Overall, Redditors said the friend was entitled to his opinions about dating preferences but that he had no right to judge the OP for expressing her incompatibilities with him.