Content Warning: Breast Milk, Adults Drinking Breast Milk, Discussions of Fetishes and Consent
Every person has boundaries when it comes to what they want from a relationship and what would automatically end the relationship.
Unfortunately, sometimes those deal breakers don’t reveal themselves until later in the relationship, like one person exploring a new fetish that their partner is uncomfortable with, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Elephant-Free was concerned when her boyfriend began to scroll through Facebook Marketplace, looking for breast milk, which he’d read could assist him in his lifting gains in the gym.
But when she realized he was actually serious about it and drink another woman’s breast milk in front of her, the Original Poster (OP) was disgusted and felt like it was a form of cheating.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for being grossed out when my boyfriend drank another woman’s breast milk?”
The OP’s boyfriend made an unexpected purchase on Facebook Marketplace.
“My (25 Female) boyfriend (24 Male) drank another woman’s breast milk.”
“He’s been working on his lifting gains at the gym, and he got it off Facebook marketplace. Someone had posted they had an excess supply they wanted to give to babies in need.”
“I tried to tell him that, but he disagreed and said it was for everybody and because it was free, he went to get it.”
The OP was incredibly grossed out.
“He literally f**king drank it. he got the milk and he DRANK IT.”
“I am so disgusted. To me, this is like cheating. To him, he says it was just an experiment. He says that I am overreacting, but I feel sick.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the OP’s boyfriend was not the only person to do this.
“This is an actual thing; some bodybuilders use it. Some people believe it has healing benefits, and others are just doing it as a fetish.”
“I’m not sure why OP’s bf did it, but this is definitely a thing.”
“By the way, mothers do offer extra breast milk online, although they usually intend it for babies whose mothers can’t provide enough.” – JTD177
“No, this is a huge thing on the online right/bodybuilding community. Dudes will pay top dollar for breast milk thinking it’ll make them look like The Rock.” – QueenCloneBone
“Without documentation that the milk contains no issues, it’s definitely weird. But I have heard of women selling their breast milk with documentation of their health screening showing it’s safe. Some weightlifters drink it because it’s natural and full of the stuff they need. Or something like that.”
“The breastmilk was also intended for a child. My wife stopped producing and it crushed her when she couldn’t provide for our child. That woman was helping a mother not some grown man with issues.”
“That being said. NTA. He should have spoken to you about it properly first and considered how you felt.” – GuuberTrooper
“You said you were not alright with it and he did it anyway. This man doesn’t give a f**k about your feelings.”
“Plus, the woman intended to give the milk for free to help babies, and your boyfriend just took it as his, without asking for permission. It’s something that came from her body she should have been able to choose if it was right or not. This is disturbing in many ways.”
“P.S. I have no issues with grown men drinking breast milk as long as all the parties are okay with it and if there is no baby in need.”
“NTA for me. 100%.” – Marie-Demon
But others were just as disturbed by the boyfriend’s actions as the OP.
“NTA, but so you’re aware that is a fetish that many men have. So if it’s not something you could be okay with, you may need to reconsider your relationship. My sister used to sell her excess supply to a man religiously; she paid her rent and other bills with it every month.” – Old-Abrocoma-6447
“If she was weirded out because he wanted to try her breast milk, okay, that could be worth sitting down and having a conversation over. People have weird fetishes.”
“But this was a random a** woman and he drank that biohazard s**t 100% for fetish purposes. I would be running so quickly.” – ganymedestyx
“It’s definitely a fetish. I know a few dudes that get excited and jealous at the idea. Like, hot and bothered when they hear of someone nursing.” – Consistent_Fun_3129
“Not only was this probably to fulfill a fetish, but he took advantage of someone’s generous offer under false pretenses. That woman wanted to help out another family and did not give consent for her breast milk to be used for someone’s kink.”
“I don’t understand why nobody’s talking about this. The person was literally trying to DONATE to BABIES who needed FOOD.”
“Imagine you try to extend a good deed to the public and someone uses it as fetish fuel. With your own… organic body fluids? How is that not weird?”
“That’s what you get for just trying to help people as a woman, I guess.” – MissAuroraRed
“I don’t fetish-shame, I mean each to their own but the dude is okay with taking free milk from newborns who need it for his own gratification (wow) and did he never discuss this ‘need’ or desire with you before? Bizzare to just randomly throw this on someone’s lap all nonchalant-like.”
“This is why it’s important to be super upfront about kinks from early on. To me asking about kinks is the same as asking what religion/political views someone has.”
“I guess you two are still young and maybe he developed this while in the relationship, but even then, some communication and consent would go a long away. Consent as in asking if you are okay with it first before doing something that extreme! And then being ethical about it like buying it instead of taking it from literal babies!”
“Sounds like he just did what he wanted not really giving af about how you felt about it.”
“Fetish aside, there are red flags everywhere.” – Alarming_Bluebird748
While some agreed it was weird, some pointed out to the OP that this wasn’t cheating.
“I have… mixed feelings. I can’t judge, though.”
“It wasn’t cheating, you can’t really cheat by drinking milk. I understand it came from a women’s breast, but if he didn’t suck it from her breast, then that could definitely be counted as cheating.”
“You would actually be surprised how many like Facebook groups there are for men to buy or use breast milk for like workouts and drinking… women literally sell it to men.”
“I do agree if her post was meant for other moms with babies in need, he should have passed, but the woman gave the milk to him. Unless he lied to her about a child that doesn’t exist, she didn’t care who took it off her hands; she just wanted it gone.”
“Does a baby in need deserve it more? My own personal bias says yes, but like I said you’d be surprised how many men apparently look for breastmilk.”
“I don’t think you’re the a**hole if you found out this is a quirk of his you don’t mesh with and don’t want to stay with him because of. But I wouldn’t go around calling him a cheater.” – UnPracticed_Pagan
“I legitimately know someone who would purchase breast milk from one of his friends for ‘the gains.’ He’d post it on Instagram. I mean, he was jacked, so I guess it was working for him.”
“He was married too, and I don’t think his wife minded. But I’m not sure the reasoning behind the OP’s boyfriend doing it.”
“I wouldn’t consider it cheating, though. But depending on the reasoning, it’s still weird as f**k.” – bigtoe_connoisseur
“It’s not like cheating but he’s definitely an AH because this woman was TRYING to do something nice for a baby. If your boyfriend wants boob juice, tell him to pay full markup.” – Aggressive-Coffee-39
“This may not be cheating, but that woman did not mean for a man to consume fluids from her body. It’s something she would need to consent to.”
“The same thing would be if a stalker took a celebrity’s glass from a restaurant and licked it just to say they tasted their saliva. Is that an experiment? Sure.”
“But it’s something a human should consent to. Same for a woman stealing a man’s sperm from a condom to become pregnant after sex. Lawful grey area, but ethically is malicious and terrible.” – TearsOfAClown9000
“NTA. I don’t think of it as cheating. But I think it is very strange. And it would bother me, although I am not sure why. What reason did he give for doing this?”
“Do you have kids, and did you breastfeed them? Maybe it is related to that.” – introspectiveliar
“He’s an AH. That milk was specifically for babies in need. I’m a breastfeeding mom myself, and I’d be p**sed to know someone took free milk for s**ts and giggles. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being curious and wanting to try some and paying someone for the milk if you want it that bad, but taking donor milk is f**ked up.”
“If I were the milk donor, I’d feel violated if someone took the milk that I produced with the intention of feeding babies in need, and wasted it on their own freaking sexual pleasure. What a thoughtless, gross dude.” – Actual-Treat-1678
After receiving feedback, the OP was still upset but had reflected on the experience.
“I posted this when I was really upset. I understand it may not be cheating by definition, but it’s dangerous, risky, and gross for sure.”
“He is getting into lifting and apparently saw it on one of the forums he’s on.”
“I’m definitely grossed out, but I’m glad it wasn’t a fetish. He understands how much it upset me that he got the milk meant for babies and used it for himself.”
“I know cheating wasn’t the right word, and I’m hoping we can move past this.”
The subReddit was divided over the situation, though they could understand why the OP was upset if her boyfriend purchasing the breast milk off of Facebook Marketplace and drinking it in front of her was how she found out he was interested in it.
Where people were the most stuck was on the boyfriend’s unwillingness to hear the OP’s concerns, and also the fact that he had picked up milk that was specifically available for babies in need.
Whether he was exploring a potential fetish or actually wanted to experience more gains in the gym, either way, the boyfriend needed to be more considerate of those around him.