All parents have an idea of where they see their children when they grow up.
Of course, when that time arises, it often becomes clear that their children often don’t have the same ideas about how they want to live their lives.
When seeing their children take a different career path than envisioned, many parents don’t look back, and will fully support their children, as long as they are happy.
Others, however, can’t even begin to hide their disappointment, or in some cases embarrassment, causing a potentially permanent rift between them.
A recent Redditor did not have the best relationship with her mother growing up, and things only became tenser between them owing to the original poster (OP)’s career and lifestyle of choice.
Something the OP didn’t take much mind to, however, as she had no shame living proudly and openly, and never minced details about how she met her husband.
Much to the horror and embarrassment of her mother and new stepfather.
Convinced she hadn’t done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to lie to my mother’s husband about how I met my husband?”
The OP explained how she didn’t think twice about telling her mother’s new husband about how she and her husband met, even though her mother very much wished she did.
“My mother and I have never gotten along.”
“She’s very serious, overachiever, type A and I’ve always clashed with people like that.”
“She is also pretty self-righteous about things like pride, and work ethic, and she just isn’t my type of person.”
“I feel bad because I’m her only child and I really wish she had a daughter she could actually enjoy.”
“My mom wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer because that’s what her friend’s kids were doing, but I rebelled pretty hard against school.”
“I left home the day I turned 18 and got by through modeling, working at clubs with a fake ID, and dating rich men.”
“She always said I would understand her disappointment when I had daughters, but I have two, and I can’t imagine being ashamed of something so petty.”
“I met my husband when I was working as a yacht girl.”
“That kind of just means I was paid by rich men to party on their boats and keep the guests entertained.”
“I did date some of those men, and they were very generous.”
“My mom views that as prostitution.”
“I don’t know if I agree but I 100% think prostitution should be legalized, so I don’t really care.”
“I met my husband.”
“He scandalized his entire family by marrying one of those girls, and we’ve been very happy for eighteen years.”
“I do have an easy life, and I’m not going to lie and say it has nothing to do with looks, but they were my looks to do whatever I want with.”
“My mom doesn’t like my husband.”
“She thinks we both partied too much and she was hoping I’d grow up and do something ‘respectable’ one day.”
“She hates that he enables me to have the life she didn’t want me to have.”
“Well, I met her new husband the other day.”
“He works in finance, nice enough guy, but very straitlaced.”
“He asked how I met my husband, and I told him the true story.”
“My mother was furious, and I did know she would want me to lie or leave some details out,”
“But it’s my story to tell, and I’m not ashamed of my life.”
“My husband thinks I should have lied and said it was full-on prostitution, but he’s kind of an a**.”
“My mom actually cried after dinner so AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was fairly divided on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation.
Many agreed with the OP in that she had no reason to be ashamed of how she lived her life, and was under no obligation to keep it a secret, regardless of what her mother thought.
“‘We met at a party on a yacht’, doesn’t sound all that scandalous to me.”- Faalcon0239
“What exactly did you say to your mother’s husband? “
“I really can’t imagine why any variation of ‘we met on a yacht during a party’ or ‘we met back when I used to work on a yacht’ would be upsetting or scandalous.”- MaryMaryConsigliere
“I think it’s pretty clear that your relationship is more than just a bit of fun at a party, and your husband’s response also suggests to me that you two have a strong relationship.”
“Your mother sounds like she cares more about appearances than your happiness, but there’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“You lived the way you were happy and found your husband along the way, she should be happy for and proud of you.”- Ytrebil_20
“How exactly did you phrase it to your mom’s boyfriend?”
“’We met at a party on a yacht’ only seems like a rare story because of the yacht setting.”
“You basically said you met at a party.”
“Lots of people meet their partners at parties.”
“If that’s just her reaction to any mention of a yacht NTA.”- YayRooney
Others, however, had less sympathy for the OP, understanding why her mother might be embarrassed by her lifestyle choices and had a right to feel that way, even if some still felt that the OP’s mother didn’t, in the end, have any say in how she should live her life.
“It’s like parents are supposed to support and be proud of their children no matter what and there can never be any judgement ever.”
“OP was a yacht girl.”
“Is it really so strange that OP’s mother would want better things for her than that?”
“Especially since she now seems to be totally dependent on her husband.”
“What parent wants that for their child?”
‘To be totally dependent on another person?”- Flubber1215
“Your mom is an a**hole for pushing her values on you when you are a grown woman in an 18-year relationship, raising your own kids, and you clearly have made your choices.”
“But you kinda suck because you’re stunted in your 18-year-old identity of being a rebel, doing the opposite of what your pushy mom wants you to do, and rubbing it in your mom’s face in a passive-aggressive way.”
“Move on already, not for her sake but for your own.”
“Remember that your kids watch how you behave, and they may do the same to you one day.”-Ahoytherematey561
“Because you sound so petty and immature for your age.”
“I’m all for a more sexually liberated world but why are you talking about your mom like she’s a bad person for wanting you to be independent, a hard worker, an inspiration to other girls, or a self-made role model?”
“Instead of being dependent on rich men and going along for the ride in exchange for your dignity and body?”
“News flash, no good mother would ever be proud to say their daughter works as a sex worker or stripper instead of a doctor.”
“That’s just not how things should work.”
“That they accept it because they love you is one thing.”
“Actively wanting that to be a career for you is another thing, and it’d make her a bad mother.”
“’Marry into a rich family, find a rich husband’ is something we all give sh*t to traditional mothers in other cultures for wishing for their daughters.”
“But this one says ‘make something for yourself and your life’ and we’re supposed to think she’s some judgmental monster?”
“Ultimately, you didn’t have to tell the man the full story.”
“‘We met at a party on a yacht’ would’ve sufficed.”
“You did it knowing full well it’d piss her off and knowing full well it bothers your mother.”
“You stirred the pot to likely get a rise out of her on purpose.”
“Like an a**hole would do.”- bunpudding
“Mom was overbearing despite good intentions, and drove OP out.”
“OP chose to tell all the details of the start of her relationship, not as a heart-to-heart, but in a manner that would be hurtful to her mom.”
“OP could have just said ‘met at a boat party from mutual acquaintances’ and left it at that.”
“New step-dad was caught in the middle.”- kjhvm
If anyone is ashamed of the way they are living their life, then it might be time for them to stop, reflect, and wonder if there’s anything in their life that needs changing.
The OP doesn’t seem to feel she needs to do it, while her mother thinks exactly the opposite.
Something which seems to have been an ongoing issue in their relationship, leaving one to wonder if the first step to each of them being truly happy might be to spend some time apart from one another?
Perhaps that way, it might show them how much they truly love one another, and be the first step in helping them come to terms with their differences.