There’s nothing wrong with treating yourself, but it is hard to do so when your family is struggling.
If you work hard, you deserve to spend your money however you want. And, you don’t owe anyone else anything.
A Redditor encountered this very issue with her uncle. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for not wanting to give my laptop to my uncle?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (f 22) recently got myself one of the new Apple desktop computers and it came in today.”
“I paid for it on my own as a graduation gift to myself and I was having issues with my laptop (also apple, about 4 years old with heavy use). It still works it just doesn’t work if it’s not plugged in and it’s a lot slower than it used to be and the cost to fix it was high enough I thought it’d be wiser to just buy a new one all together.”
“Here’s the issue. When my new computer was dropped off, my grandmother (who I live with) saw and and realize what I bought myself. I told her I was buying it, but I don’t think she realize what exactly I was buying.”
“She went on and on about how my uncle (m28) was going to throw a fit and it’s unfair I got it for myself.”
OP’s uncle used to have his own computer.
“That he used to have one (that she bought him) and the only reason he doesn’t anymore is because one day he got really angry and (intentionally) broke his to the point it was unrepairable.”
“She then insists I should give my laptop to my uncle because it’s only fair if I do so.”
“I told her no, that ridiculous and that I planned to keep it. Because while it has some issues it’s still portable and that aspect is useful (but not something I want to deal with all the time).”
“I then pointed out that she didn’t buy my laptop (got it from my school) or my desktop so she has no right to have a say what I do with either. She then went on about how entitled I am and how I don’t care for my uncle.”
“TL:DR I got myself a new computer and my grandmother insists my old one go to my uncle and I refuse to give it to him. AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA – Ironically your grandmother is the entitled one. She has no right to make you give your possessions away to another person.” ~ mornis
“I adored my grandmother’s but I would have told them off in situation like this. NTA” ~ Leading_Goose50
“NTA”
“Your uncle is 28 years old, he is capable of buying his own laptop. If your grandma wants him to have a new laptop so bad then she herself can buy one for him.” ~ Wolflmg
“Let me get this straight. You are selfish for using your own money to buy something for yourself because your uncle, when given a similar tool paid for with his mother’s money, had a tantrum and deliberately broke it and therefore does not have one? NTA. In no known universe are you TA.”
“You are not your uncle’s mommy, he is not (presumably) a child, he has no rights to your property, and even if you were his mommy and he were a child it would not be good parenting to reward him for deliberately ruining his things in a fit of temper.” ~ Katja1236
“NTA. You ever hear that saying ‘If you raise your kids, you can spoil your grandchildren, but if you spoil your children you’ll raise your grandchildren?’ Your grandma might need to learn that lesson. Good for you for sticking up for yourself.” ~ waterfountain_bidet
“NTA – people LOVE to give away other people’s possessions, time, attention, work. It’s astounding to me how often I see that in these questions. Your computer, your decision. End of story – just – be careful.”
“If he’s really as, umm, angry, as it seems he may be? I wouldn’t be shocked if he tried to do something to make your computer/computers unusable. Just a guess from the paranoid part of my brain after reading too many of these posts.” ~ Lurkingentropy
People were discussing who was the entitled one in this scenario.
“Your not reading it right. grandma wants to keep the peace with her disturbed and anger issue son so she is pushing it on grand daughter.”
“This is not entitled. Second grandma is letting her stay there. so calling grandma entitled is not accurate. She does not have to let her stay.”
“I would not give the laptop, but this is more complicated than the straight forward answer.” ~ mabs653
“You forget OP may actually be living there as a caregiver. Also its still wrong. Appeasing her son is a poor bandaid for his issues. OP doesn’t owe him appeasement.” ~ FirebirdWriter
“NTA I think the entitled one is your uncle if he expects to smash up a perfectly good laptop and just be handed another.” ~ redditor191389
“NTA. Your uncle is almost 30. If he wants a laptop he can buy himself one like a big boy, especially since he broke his current one throwing a tantrum like a child.”
“It sounds like your grandmother has 1) created a monster and 2) thinks everyone else should dote on him like she does. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.” ~ MachineOk5428
“NTA, sounds like your uncle was one of those kids who would rage and then have their parents coddle them into thinking their rage and mistakes was ok, don’t give him that computer and tell your grandma to, respectfully, grow a brain and learn how bad her teachings and views are.” ~ Milky_Cookie15
“NTA. It’s not up for grabs because it’s your portable. Also, it’s yours. I would caution you, however, not to say ‘You have no right!’ when you are, in fact, living with her. It comes across as quite disrespectful and entitled.”
“Wanting to keep your laptop is not wrong. The way you conveyed it to grandma was not so great.”
“Congrats on your graduation!” ~ MalsPrettyBonnet
OP’s uncle can find a way to pay for his own computer.