When it comes to planning one’s birthday, it’s fair to make what you want to do the priority.
Even if there is a more than likely chance that some of your closest friends and family members might not share this interest.
Complicating the matter of who you are going to invite and who you might not include this time round.
Redditor New_Box8425 was dead set on where she wanted to spend her most recent birthday dinner.
The problem was the menu at this particular restaurant directly conflicted with the religious beliefs of her best friend, resulting in the original poster (OP) deciding not to invite her.
While the OP assumed she would understand, given the circumstances, her best friend was hurt and angry to learn that she had been excluded.
Having doubts about how she handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not inviting my Hindu friend to my birthday dinner?”
The OP explained why she chose not to include her best friend at her recent birthday dinner.
“I (22 F[emale]) hosted a dinner for my birthday last weekend.”
“My favorite food in the entire world is steak.”
“I love it.”
“I booked in a reservation at this new Wagyu KBBQ place for my dinner.”
“The place is new, and the beef is top-notch quality, so it’s hard to get a reservation unless you book early.”
“One of my best friends (22 F) is Hindu and doesn’t eat beef or pork.”
“This KBBQ place literally only serves beef and pork. The only things on the menu that she would be able to eat are the sides like rice, corn, kimchi, etc.”
“I didn’t invite her to the dinner, and instead, we went out for Indian food the day before my birthday.”
“When she found out she wasn’t invited the day after my birthday, she got upset.”
“I sent her a long paragraph to say that I was sorry and that the only reason she wasn’t invited was that she wouldn’t be able to eat anything, hence why I went out with her privately the day before.”
“She told me that I should’ve just picked another restaurant.”
“I think it’s a bit entitled of her to want me to change my plans for her?”
“I’ve wanted to go to this new KBBQ place for months!”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they were generally in agreement that the OP was not the a**Hole for not including her best friend in her birthday dinner.
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to spend her birthday wherever she wanted, and it was fine for the OP not to include her best friend, particularly as she wasn’t doing so out of malice.
Many did feel she should have been more honest and transparent with her friend.
“NTA.”
“Maybe it would have been better to tell her about your birthday plans when you were making the reservation or invited her and let her choose if she wants to go or not.”
“However, her saying you should have just picked another restaurant IS a bit entitled, and I think makes her the AH here.”
“I think maybe you didn’t tell her earlier because you knew she would react badly and try to make you change your plans for her.”- hereforyounot
“NTA.”
“Your birthday, your wish.”
“You did spend the previous day with them.”
“I think the only thing you could have done here is you could have informed her of the reason beforehand instead of her finding out.”
“Though I don’t think she would still be fine with it.”
“She’s the AH here.”- lovealwayswins14
“NTA.”
“You didn’t have any bad intentions, but you should probably have given her the choice.”
“The fact that she wanted you to have changed the venue for her when she found out tells me she would have probably caused problems if you told her before the party.”
“You still went out of your way to celebrate with her, too.”- Humble_Occasion_1503
“NTA.”
“You wanted to go to a specific place that you were looking forward to eating at.”
“You shouldn’t change your birthday plans for someone else.”
“You also made the time to celebrate with her.”
“It would have been nice if you told her the plan so she could make the choice to come and eat sides, but even that doesn’t make you an AH.”- lostalldoubt86
“NTA leaning toward a light ESH.”
“The only thing I think you could have done better, though, is explain to your friend ahead of time about your birthday dinner and how your lunch with her the day before was so you could celebrate with her and respect her cultural beliefs.”
“Something like ‘Hey, BFF. For my birthday I am planning to go to a KBBQ and bring people. I looked at the menu ahead of time, and there aren’t any real alternatives to accommodate your personal beliefs though. I still want to celebrate my birthday with you because I love you, so I was thinking we could get lunch at a place you enjoy the day before just us. Does that sound good?'”
“This would have solved everything by being open about your plans.”- Membership-Bitter
“You can choose any restaurant you want for your birthday, but you should her told her and given her the chance to opt-out or come and eat side dishes.”
“NTA.”- Reasonable_racoon
Others, however, felt that it was wrong for the OP to make the decision for her friend and should have invited her, even if she still shouldn’t have changed the restaurant.
“ESH.”
“You should have invited her and let her decide for herself if she wants to attend.”
“She’s wrong in saying that you should have selected a different restaurant.”
“She can’t expect to be catered to, especially on your birthday.”- Pepper-90210
“ESH.”
“You’re TA for not being upfront.”
“You thought she wouldn’t find out about the party?”
“She’s TA for demanding you pick a different restaurant.”- GrowthArtistic4436
“ESH.”
“You should have still invited her and let her decide if she wanted to go or not.”
“It’s not up to her where you have your birthday dinner, but it’s an a**hole move not to invite someone.”
“You were kind enough to take her out beforehand, but you should have communicated about this when making the reservation.”
“She may have just been fine with sides.”- ratakat
“ESH.”
“Your friend is upset that she was excluded from a social setting moreso than the fact that she wasn’t able to eat anything.”
“But she shouldn’t expect you to change restaurants for her.”
“It’s your birthday.”- quokka14
The OP later returned to offer an update as to where things stood with her friend while also clarifying some other elements of the situation.
“Thank you, everyone, for your replies.”
“My friend and I have patched things up.”
“I will absolutely communicate more openly in the future.”
“Just wanted to clarify a few things because I’ve been receiving some hate:”
“I’m not racist and have nothing against Hindus. I come from an Indian background myself and have family members who are Hindu.”
“I mentioned this in the post as I wanted to make it clear that my friend wouldn’t be able to eat anything that touched the grill, even vegetables.”
“It’s very strict for her due to her religion, unlike someone who is vegetarian for non-religious reasons who, for example, may be fine with eating vegetables off the same grill.”
“You guys are right that she could have come and eaten some sides.”
“But to be honest, it’s so awkward to have one person sitting at the table, not eating, looking around at all the food.”
“This is even more awkward at KBBQ where everyone is sharing food.”
“And this place is more up-scale, not like a buffet-style place where they have fried chicken and other dishes too.”
“Trust me when I say I looked at the menu, lol.”
“And my friend told me that she would have felt awkward there (after we patched things up).”
“I can’t believe I have to say this again, but no, I’m not racist because I took her out to eat Indian food.”
“We both like Indian food, and I wasn’t ‘stereotyping’ her.”
“My friend only made the comment to change restaurants because she was mad.”
“She’s not an awful person, and no, I’m not ending my friendship with her over dinner (some of you guys are crazy).”
It’s clear that the OP was thinking of her friend and wasn’t excluding her for malicious reasons.
Even so, had she been upfront with her from the get-go, one imagines this whole kerfuffle could have been avoided.
Hopefully, a lesson for the OP on how to handle similar matters going forward.