Redditor Choice_Cherry_9641 has found herself taking care of her adult roommates more often than not.
These two roommates are expecting a baby together, and after hearing numerous times that they expected her to essentially help parent, she opened her mouth.
This caused some drama between the roommates, driving the Original Poster (OP) to subReddit “Am I the A**Hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for telling my roommates they shouldn’t have a baby”
She went on to explain.
“I [22-year-old female] have lived with my roommates [roommate 1, 27-year-old female, and roommate 2, 30-year-old male] for nearly 3 years.”
“They got married in May and are expecting their first baby in December.”
“We all co-signed a lease and are still contracted another 8 months (6 months after the baby’s due). I for one adore children and even work in a child care centre.”
“My roommates have always been incredibly lazy.”
“I cook everyone’s meals, clean the dishes, vacuum, mow the lawns and pick up after THEIR dog that is always pooing inside and gets into everything.”
“(I also agreed to an outside pet and we are not met to have any according to our lease agreement).”
“All of our friends were excited about the pregnancy and I was at first too. But now I’m filled with dread.”
“At this points it’s important to note that RM2 hasn’t held a steady job in 3 years. So they always ‘tight’ on money, unless the spending benefits them.”
“While RM1 has 2 jobs, but is always off ‘sick’. I use ‘sick’ as this was an issue even before the pregnancy.”
“There have been multiple occasions where I have had to cover their rent and groceries (and I’ve never been paid back).”
“RM1 spends most of her time laying in bed complains that she’s too ill to work or help around the house, but is ok to go out 3 nights a week and continues to play weekend sports.”
“And RM2 always has an excuse to why he’s not helping or he ‘will get to it later’.”
“As a result I’m completely burnt out from maintaining the house, working 2 jobs, studying and looking after my 27-30-year-old children.”
“Whenever someone offers them any advice or assistance during the pregnancy they’ll reply ‘but OP will help with the baby’.”
“And the closer it gets to baby’s due date, the more they shift the responsibility of their unborn child onto me: ‘OP will babysit’ ‘OP will buy this, that etc’”
“And the comment that pushed me over the edge was ‘If we’re too tired we’ll move the cot into OPs room, she can deal with it’.”
“To which I replied they shouldn’t have a baby when they can’t look after themselves, and that I refuse to responsible for their kid.”
“This made RM1 cry, but I don’t feel bad, it was long over due to be said, but they’re now mad at me saying that I’m ;too young to know the stress of having kids’.”
“Half our mutual friends are on my side, and the other half are just mad that I said it, rather about what I said.”
“Am I the a**hole?”Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“OP, I say this gently, look harder for another place to live. Then, text them:”
“1. I am exhausted from working two jobs and cleaning up after you. Moving forward, I’m not doing X, Y, or Z. You need to step up and take care of that yourself.”
“2. I also want to make it very clear that I will not be helping with the baby. I care about you guys, but I didn’t agree to be a third parent.”
“Do not ask me to care for the baby, clean up after the baby, or pay for anything that is your responsibility. I am burnt out.”
“You’ve used up my “extra” energy. I have nothing left that I’m willing to give you.”
“Anyone who isn’t on your side, respond really excitedly, ‘I’ve been cleaning up after X and Y for Z amount of time and helping to cover their bills.’”
“‘It is so good to hear that you’re willing to step up and start doing that for them, plus caring for the baby. They want someone who can watch the baby over night, so they can sleep.’”
“‘I’m going to text them to let them know that you’ll be coming over to help clean, cover part of their bills, and care for the baby.’”
“‘Thank you so much for showing me what a good friend is!’” – crystallz2000
The OP came back with some updates.
“The easiest solution would be to move out, but currently everything in my area is out of my price range.”
“I’ve even applied for a few places on my own but am unfortunately unsuccessful due to lack of rental history.”
“And the one I do have is ruined due to their dog being inside, despite countless efforts to move him into the yard.”
“My cooking was never meant to be for everyone, I would offer if there were plenty of leftovers or if it was a planned meal for the house (they were supposed to do dishes after but never would).”
“For the main part I would cook my own meals, but they would always eat my leftovers or use my ingredients before I could.”
“And to and to the burn, I’ve never seen them cook anything so I don’t know what they used my food for, they usually order out.”
“I’ve now resulted to living on ‘girl dinners’, I cook myself food that doesn’t require much effort or ingredients (nuggets, pies, pizzas, pastas).”
“I don’t make leftovers, which has led to me now not eating at work as I don’t have food for lunches.”
“RM1 and I both work at the same Day Care, RM1 is actually my manager. Which I think is why I’ve put up with this for so long as I worried about creating tension at work, and I love my job.”
“This also means I don’t leave lunches as work, as she has helped herself to those in the past as well.”
“We moved in together as my roommates were living with RM1’s parents and I had been homeless living out of my car and couch surfing for 7 months at 18.”
“I’d previously lived with my mother, 6 younger siblings, and abusive stepfather.”
“I grew up raising myself and my siblings which is probably why I’m easily manipulated into looking after others that aren’t my responsibility.”
“This whole situation has been so stressful for me, and I still value them as friends but don’t want to live with them anymore.”
“Our original plan was to find someone cheaper together that they could afford on their own, but this morning I’ve told them they need to find a place for the 2 of them and I’ll look for my own.”
Reddit continued.
“You need to look harder. And realize that if you aren’t tending to and paying for your adult ‘children’, you might have a lot more money or more time to pick up a part time job.”
“But as it is, in a couple of months, your roommates are looking forward to having you as their live-in nanny- and you need to do something about it.”
“Your roommates shouldn’t be having. baby-they can’t even take care of themselves. NTA” – YouthNAsia63
“NTA for saying it, but now you have an obligation to yourself to follow through.”
“Start by not cooking for them. Make just enough food for yourself, lock away your groceries, cut them off financially, and make it very, very clear you are done subsidising them.”
“You have a busy schedule, so start making yourself scarce at home, lock yourself in your room, and be a huge ‘A-hole’ to them in any way possible till the get the message:”
“You are done being their doormat.”
“Their relationship only works coz you are their 3rd wheel.”
“The moment you take yourself out of the equation, you will regain your financial and mental freedom while they will be forced to deal with themselves and each other.”
“Wanna bet they will go up in flames within a couple of weeks?” – Cold_Light_299792458
“OP! Precisely what type of f*ckery is this? Why are you helping these people who are barely functional?”
“Why would you wonder if you are an a**hole when someone just said she plans to put HER future baby in your room, should the need arise.”
“It doesn’t matter if they are struggling, tired, sick, in pain or just plain incompetent. It does not follow that you become their caretaker and bank.”
“Make it perfectly clear, OP, that you will not care for the baby at all. The guy is unemployed, for God’s sake, he has nothing to do but take care of the baby.”
“You need to move out ASAP. Get those footprints off of your back” – Substantial-Roll-860
Set some boundaries, OP! You deserve them.