There’s very little that can divide people more easily than money.
Knowing that close friends or family members make more money than you do can often make one feel less than or insecure, particularly when going out to dinner or on vacations.
On the flip side, it’s sometimes equally uncomfortable to know that you make considerably more money than others, resulting in you being extra cautious in every conversation, in hopes of avoiding the subject.
The fiancé of Redditor Throwaway795571 was less than thrilled to learn that she was making considerably more than he was after getting a promotion at her job.
And as a result, he felt it was only appropriate that the original poster (OP) footed the bill every time they went out to dinner.
Something the OP was becoming less and less patient about, resulting in her taking matters into her own hands when she joined her fiancé and his friends at a recent dinner.
Wondering if her behavior was inappropriate, the original poster (OP) took to the subreddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for sneaking out of the restaurant after my fiancé told me to pay for his and his friends meal?”
The OP explained how when her fiancé tricked him into treating him and his friends to a recent dinner, she ended up giving him what she felt were his just desserts.
I (33 F[emale]) have been engaged to my fiancé (37 M[ale]) for 5 months.”
“We don’t share finances because that’s what he wants.”
“I got a raise on my salary.”
“Now I earn 30% more than he does and I noticed that he’s been using this to ask me to pay for him and his friends.”
“Whenever I say ‘no’ or ‘why should I pay for this?’ he’d respond with ‘the 30% that’s why.'”
“He acts as if the 30% is unfair or that I’m not deserving of it.”
“Several times he has tricked me to pay for his and his friend’s meals by asking me publicly.”
“Let me say that I’m too nice to say ‘no’.”
“I hate confrontation especially when we’re at a public place like a restaurant so I just grin and pay.”
“Last Tuesday, he asked me to join him and his buddies for dinner.”
“I told him from the start I wasn’t paying for their food and he shouldn’t expect me to.”
“He said he ‘got this’ and ‘no worries.'”
“We got to the restaurant.”
“Met his friends, ordered food.”
“And in the middle of the meal, he leaned in and whispered that I would be paying for everything he and his friends ordered.”
“I got so mad I whispered back ‘noooo’ but he probably relied on me not causing a scene in public and in front of his friends. He said ‘you have enough money you could pay for everyone’s food, 30% remember?'”
“I was fuming inside. Instead of reacting negatively and losing my temper.”
“I waited til the bills arrived, they were already split from the start when we first ordered, I paid for mine then I excused myself to the restroom.”
“I then sneaked out from there, got into my car, and went home.”
“I started getting phone calls from my fiancé then texts asking where I was.”
“I texted back saying I didn’t appreciate how he put me in this situation and basically tricked me into paying for his and his friends’ food.”
“I told him I went home then stopped replying.”
‘An hour later he came and started yelling at me calling me selfish, irrational, cheapskate, and childish for sneaking out like that and leaving him stuck with a bill he could not pay.”
“He had to call his brother for help.”
“We had a loud argument then he walked out.”
“His friends didn’t speak to me on this but he told me they’re disappointed in my behavior and are telling him to take time and ‘reflect’ on the type of woman he’s gonna be married to.”
“Is what he’s expecting from me fair or justified?”
“He said that because the restaurant wasn’t expensive then I could have just paid.”
“He admitted not telling me about it til later knowing I’d refuse.”
“He still thinks my reaction was childish and unacceptable.”
“AITA for what I did?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for leaving her fiancé to pay his and his friend’s bill at dinner.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s fiancé was juvenile, with many urging her to question if she should go through with marrying him as he was so clearly taking advantage of her money.
“Why are you still engaged to him?”
“You set a boundary.”
“He ignored it.”
“Then he continues to put you in situations where he assumes he can embarrass you enough that you will do what he wants.”
“When you don’t comply he loses his sh*t on you.”
“That is absolutely horrible, and I can’t believe you are even considering that you may be the a**hole here.”
“He is a grade A a**hole, and all too happy to take advantage of you financially and pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do and trying to use social situations to manipulate you.”
“I would not be able to marry someone knowing they had this quality, it displays that he has really poor character and would be a huge dealbreaker for me.”- AdventurousDoubt1115
“INFO.”
“Why is this man not your EX-fiancé?”- veni_vidi_dixi
“Why are you marrying someone who insists that his money is his money, but your money is also his money?”
“NTA.”- madelinegumbo
“RUN!”
“DO NOT WALK.”
“RUN.”
“RUN AWAY.”
“RUN VERY FAR.”
“You are engaged to a massive mooch who has surrounded himself with mooch friends.”
“They are a pack of mooches.”
“Why does he expect you to pay for him and his friends because you earn more?”
“Why aren’t they paying their way?”
The best news out of all of this is ‘his friends didn’t speak to me on this but he told me they’re disappointed in my behavior and, are telling him to take time and ‘reflect’ on the type of woman he’s gonna be married to.'”
“Please, please don’t marry this guy.”- Shoddy_Lifeguard_852
“NTA.”
“Tell him he’s only 30% of a man and you deserve much better.”- originalgenghismom
“NTA.”
“Please do not marry this person.”
“Please do not procreate with this person.”- LongTallMatt
“I bet his friends didn’t say that, not unless he lied to them in the first place.”
“NTA unless you’re planning to stay with this dishonest, abusive user.”
“I’m so BORED of men calling women irrational when they don’t do as they’re told.”- Now_Villager
“I feel like you’re the one that needs to do the reflecting on the type of man you’ll be married to.”-cooperla
“NTA.”
“But he needs to be an ex.”
“Instead of being happy for your achievements, he’s bitter and jealous.”
“He’s entitled.”
“He manipulates you into paying for his friends because he counts on your embarrassment to not cause a scene.”
“When he f**ked around too many times and you didn’t let him, he turned up at your house to yell and berate you.”
“You’re the one that needs ‘reflect’, not him.”
“I promise you, you can do better.”- CrystalQueen3000
“NTA.”
“Run, Forrest, Run.”
“Red flags everywhere.”
“Financial abuse waiting to happen.”
“And being with an a-hole who will sabotage you when you have the audacity to do better than him.”- Jocelyn-1973
“You need to dump your fiancé.”
“He is entitled, manipulative, jealous, and anything that you can think of that does not make him a good person.”
“When you dump him, tell him that he needs to grow up, be grateful for what he has, and not be such a brat about everything going right for his partner.”
“NTA.”- splbm
“NTA.”
“Why is he still your fiancé?”
“He’s conning and tricking you.”- Coffeeandcrimeglobal
“NTA.”
“Do not marry this man.”
“He has already shown you that his money is his money and your money is his money.”
“And he lied to you.”
“You deserve better than this.”- Bevin_Flannery
“I think you meant ex-fiancé.”
“NTA.”- emilianajuana
“NTA.”
“Why are you still with this guy?”
“Seriously, reconsider this relationship.”
“He treats you like an ATM, expects you to pay for everything because you make more than he does, lies and tricks you into paying, and berates you when you stand up for yourself.”
“He does not respect you.”
“You deserve better.”
“I’m glad you refused to pay for him and his friends and left the restaurant.”
“Good for you for standing up for yourself.”- MerryMoose923
It’s sad that in this modern world, any man would ever feel threatened or insecure by the fact that their female partner makes more money than they do.
Even sadder is that the OP’s fiancé seemed to think this information justified her treating him to countless meals out.
Not even mentioning the fact that he went so far as to trick her into treating him and his friends.
It’s hard not to agree with the Reddit community in thinking that it’s the OP, not her fiancé, who should be “reflecting” on whether or not this is a healthy relationship.