No two people share the same views when it comes to personal hygiene.
For some people, one shower a day isn’t nearly enough, and lather, rinse, and repeat multiple times a day as a result.
Others don’t give a second thought about going a day without showering.
Sometimes, they don’t even give a thought to going two or three days.
The brother-in-law (BIL) of Redditor Time_Temperature_960 fell very clearly into the latter category.
So much so that one needed only to be in his presence for merely a moment to discover this.
As a result, when the original poster (OP)’s sister demanded some extended quality time together, the OP went out of their way to refuse.
Putting themself at odds with their sister as a result.
Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my sister her husband stinks?”
The OP explained how their BIL’s resistance to showering ended up putting a strain on their relationship with their sister:
“I’ll get straight to the point: My BIL does not like showering.”
“My sister has casually mentioned in the past how he showers once every 4-5 days because ‘he doesn’t really get dirty’.”
“He has extremely strong BO, and I don’t think I’ve ever been in a place with him where he did not stink.”
“Even fresh out a shower, you can still smell very strong hints of sweat and…other types of smells when you’re standing near him.”
“People have brought this up with her in the past, and every single time, she just shuts them down and says that they’re looking for excuses to hide that they do not like him.”
“One of our mutual friends is getting married in 3 weeks, and it’s about 9 hours away from where my sister’s family and I currently live (we do not live together, but we’re about 15 minutes away from one another).”
“My sister informed me a few days ago that she will be riding with me to the wedding because their car is having some engine issues.”
“None of this was discussed; she just informed me like she was relaying a message.”
“I cannot explain to any of you how much I shiver at the slight thought of being in the same car with her husband for 9 whole hours.”
“He does not like sitting in the back and will most likely ride shotgun.”
“To avoid this, I offered to lend my boyfriend’s car to my sister, as he is out of state for the next few months and will not be using his car.”
“She repeatedly said no, no matter how many times I insisted.”
“So, I decided that the best choice for me is to just book a flight to the location and rent a car from the airport when I land.”
“I have some points I can use to get a discount so it all works out.”
“I tell my sister that I’ll be taking a flight instead of driving, and I told her that she can feel free to use either my car or my boyfriend’s car if she’d like to drive there.”
“At this point, I haven’t booked my flight yet because I wanted to inform her before I went ahead.”
“She fully blew up on me and demanded that I cancel my flight (because she thinks I already booked it) and said that we will be going forward with her plan instead.”
“Continuous arguments led to the truth, where she lets it slip that their car is fine. They just didn’t feel like driving or wasting money on gas and tolls and were just looking forward to a relaxing drive across the country.”
“I was tired of beating around the bush, so I just told her the truth in a very polite way because, at the end of the day, she is my sister, and the person I’m talking about is her husband, so there’s no point in being harsh.”
“She gets beyond upset and just blasts me with at least 50 texts about how I’m an A-hole.”
“I feel bad about this, but I’m truly conflicted.”
“I forgot to mention, she is also texting the bride and informing her that she won’t be attending the wedding because of me.”
“The bride is now stressed out and keeps contacting my sister for more information, but my sister is just icing both the bride and myself out.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
NTA – Not The A**hole
YTA – You’re The A**hole
NAH – No A**holes Here
ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to go on a road trip with their sister and BIL.
Everyone agreed that while the OP was more than valid in not wanting to be in a car for an extended period with her BIL and his BO, it was almost a moot point when compared with their sister’s entitled, controlling behavior.
“Stop engaging with your sister about this. Just drive yourself and leave her to arrange her own transport.”
“Let them drive themselves or stay home, it’s nothing to do with you.”
“I don’t understand why the bride is chasing after her sister to attend her wedding.”
“If they are that close, why would she be [b]laming you at all.”
“The most important issue here, though, is that you feel the need to respond to any of this.”
“You don’t owe your sister chauffeur service, so why are you twisting yourself in knots about it?”
“TBH, there seem to be some unrealistic expectations about her ability to commandeer your time and resources.”
“That’s what you need to address.”
“NTA.”- kol_al
“NTA.”
“Aside from the BOBIL, your sister is lying and trying to manipulate you because she and BOBIL are too lazy and cheap to figure out their own travel plans.”- laughingBaguette
“This has nothing to do with the stinky guy and everything to do with your sister trying to get a free ride.”
“NTA.”- mdthomas
“She ignores your comments and then is shocked you still think he smells bad.”
“Isn’t your fault.”
“NTA.”
“She has become nose blind to it, and doesn’t think it’s an issue.”
“You’ve tried letting her know and she ignores it.”
“You try to be polite and skirt around the issue to no avail.”
“Sorry OP, but you were never going to ever be in a position where you ended up a winner, and none of it was your fault.”- OneEyedMilkman87
“NTA.”
“Bad odors can cause headaches and vomit reflexes.”
“I wouldn’t want to be trapped in a car with a stinky person that long.”
“Perhaps, instead of telling her, you should sit your BIL down and be honest with him.”
“Of course, preface with you like and respect him and that’s why you want to be honest.”
“That it’s not an attempt to insult him or make him feel bad.”
“Maybe he doesn’t realize how bad it is, especially if your sister never mentions what people say.”
“There’s a chance he’s not using soap in the shower, since he ‘doesn’t get dirty’.”
“Clearly, your sister is nose blind and love blind to his scent.”- BluePopple
“I think you’re underreacting to how your sister treats you.”
“Tells you she and BIL will be riding with you, not asks.”
“Demands you change your plans because they don’t suit her.”
“Then admits she was lying to try and manipulate you into doing her bidding.”
“Also, are you even allowed to loan out your boyfriend’s car because I would be pissed in his shoes?”
“Stop bending over backward for someone who treats you so badly.”
“Call your friend and tell her what went down.”
“I’m not sure why anyone caters to people like your sister, but she acts this way because people do.”
“But to your actual question, NTA for telling her why.”
“If BIL is such a nice guy, maybe you should express concerns to him about this health and gently tell him that he has a strong smell that people react to and talk about.”
“Perhaps that would spur him into action.”- friendlily
“NTA.”
“This is anti-social behavior by your BIL, and your sister is enabling it.”
“We don’t know why he’s like that, but that’s not your problem.”
“We don’t know why your sister refuses to acknowledge it, but that’s not your problem.”
“I’m surprised you offered them your car.”
“Weren’t you afraid of him stinking it up?”
“Eg the upholstery could absorb the stink.”
“In any case, you don’t need to justify your travel plans to anyone but yourself.”- Longjumping-Lab-1916
It’s rather surprising, considering how the OP’s sister had no trouble forcing the OP to do what she wanted without giving them a second thought, that she wouldn’t also force her boyfriend to take a shower so his aroma wouldn’t precede him.
They say love is blind.
In the case of the OP’s sister, perhaps it also doesn’t have much of a sense of smell either.