Asking friends for help when you need it can be very challenging.
And feeling like you should help out a friend in need even if you don’t want to can be just as conflicting.
But in extreme circumstances, is it ok to reject a request for help even if you have the means to make a difference?
Redditor 001yess recently clashed with a friend in need, so she turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) to see if she was in the wrong for her actions.
She asked:
“AITA for not letting my homeless friend move in because I hate her kid?”
The original poster (OP) explained her personal history and the significance her current house holds.
“Obviously there are a lot of variables to the story. I’m 24F(emale) and I have been working since I was 16.”
“My dad passed away on my 17th birthday but prior to his passing, he taught me everything there was to know. He was a jack of all trades.”
“I have done electric, plumbing, mechanic work, concrete and basic carpentry.”
“My dad and I always loved this one house that had been on the market since I was super young. He always said that one day it would be ours.”
“When he passed, we got an insurance settlement. When I turned 18, I bought that house outright.”
“My mom didn’t come with me because it was too much for her to process but she lives right up the road. So since I was 18 I have been picking away at this house little by little.”
“There was a lot of work to be done and it would be so much easier if my dad was still here to help but hey, we finally got our house.”
The OP then described how past experiences with her friend’s daughter shaped her decision.
“My friend has a 11-year-old kid. I have never been a fan of her due to the fact that at her age she still throws herself on the floor at supermarkets, screaming bloody murder when she doesn’t get her way.”
“She is an embarrassment, to say the least. But I tried with her. I tried to like her despite all her tantrums and entitlement.”
“One year she asked me for one of those really expensive doll houses (like $500) and I got it, just to have her turn around and bust it 20 minutes later for being the ‘wrong color’.”
“The tip of the iceberg was when I was conned into taking her one day when I was visiting my 7yo brother in the hospital who was just diagnosed with cancer at that time (he’s good now) and when she saw him laying in that hospital bed all doped up, she immediately said ‘What a drama queen. He is obviously faking it’.”
“I dropped her off and never took her again. I’m disgusted by her.”
After the OP’s friend asked if she and her daughter could stay with her, the OP told her the blunt truth.
“So my friend just became homeless. She didn’t tell me the variables that caused this but she’s homeless regardless.”
“She calls me up and asks if she and her kid can come live with me for awhile. I didn’t mean for it to come off as harsh as it did but my response was ‘Nope. I’ve seen how your child acts and I’m not having her destroy the one place that reminds me of my father or interrupting my solitude for not getting her way. Sorry’.”
“Again, I didn’t mean for it to be that harsh but that’s how it happened regardless.”
“So she flips out. Says I’m trying to make out like her kid is satan.”
“She knows what her kid said to my brother too and said that her kid didn’t mean it, which makes it worse in my eyes. She is telling everyone that I am a POS (piece of sh*t) for allowing her child to be homeless when I have the means to accommodate (the house has 6 bedrooms).”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
They didn’t blame the OP for not wanting to live with that toxicity.
“This kid’s upbringing is the main problem here, most children that behave like this could be good kids if only they were raised right.”
“The parent is a clear problem and heck no, OP should not set themselves up for the misery that life with this pair would be.”
“Imagine if they established tenant’s rights/squatter’s rights! OP might have to pay big money to get rid of them.”
“This is a problem that’s best avoided by placing crosses all over the house and not allowing Not Satan and Not the Child of Satan inside.”—ImFinePleaseThanks
“Yup. All of this! NTA OP and don’t let them in.”
“Although I’m having a hard time blaming the child and parent (about child’s behavior—attempting to freeload off of a friend is a different matter), IF the parent is the same age as OP: I can’t imagine having a child at 13.”
“IF that’s the case, the parent/friend was still a kid trying to be a mom, and I doubt the child would grow up with the same structure and guidance needed.”
“That being said, there is no excuse for either of them at 11/24. School would also teach 11 how to interact/behave socially, and 24 is close to the age of really accepting adulthood.”—AllTheT1
“NTA but I might be biased because I can’t stand kids. The kid has proven herself to be entitled, bratty, and destructive. I wouldn’t want that in my home, either.”
“Your story about your dad made me teary eyed. Good for you for being able to buy the house, I’m sure your dad would have been super proud of you.”—XStonedCatX
Some thought the timing of the friend’s request was a bit suspicious.
“NTA. Call me cynical, but it’s too much of a coincidence that your friend became homeless just when you finished renovating your house.”—NanaLeonie
“Hi cynical! I’m jaded! I thought the exact same thing.”—dontgetcutewithme
“It definitely isn’t a coincidence. Her friend knows OP is all alone in an, apparently, 6-bedroom house. She isn’t looking for a layover, she’s looking to squat on OP’s good graces as long as she can.”
“Someone who would pawn off a kid on a person going into the hospital to see a child who’s sick with cancer…This is not a considerate, thoughtful adult who will know now to overstay their welcome. This is not someone who pays rent and becomes a good tenant over time.”
“This is not someone who’s grateful for a friend who has already reached the end of their tether with your child.”
“If this kills the friendship so be it, it’s a hill worth dying on.”—Dirtydirtyf*g
To not disclose how she became homeless was another red flag for some.
“The friend didn’t tell OP as to why or how she is homeless. She didn’t even bother to make up excuses.”
“Definitely prying on her home. NTA.”—wutt-m-i-thinkin
“I think it is extremely important to know why the mother and child are homeless. Did the child cause property damage at their old unit?”
“Did the mom just quit paying rent because she’s bad with money?”
“Did the mom not have money because she was irresponsible at her job and got fired?”
“Just some examples of why it is important to know why the mom is homeless before even considering letting them move in. I mean, a landlord wouldn’t rent to someone without doing a background check, and OP is in essence in a position to become their landlord.”
“Nevertheless, OP, NTA and I wouldn’t let them move in (especially since the mom demanded, not asked and got crappy when turned down). The entitlement is breathtaking.”—HerBlondeness
A few even thought the OP should consider calling Child Protective Services.
“I love children but I still agree. OP has tried to be a good friend but the mother is an irresponsible parent who is enabling her child.”
“That is not normal behavior for even a 4-year-old and the child needs therapy. If I were OP, I would consider contacting a social worker or CPS to provide her friend with the support she needs to raise her daughter and find a home.”—HotAudience6110
“Kid is 11 and was enabled to this behavior by mom. Point the finger in that direction. Call CPS.”
“Apply some pressure to mom so she gets her act together and ends this BS enabling behavior.
“‘She is just a kid’- yeah, my a**. If you don’t teach your kid empathy and good behavior, kid will end up that way.”
“10 cookies she only regurgitated the things her mom said. Kids do that. So OP, look out for her mom.”
“Kid is the lesser evil here and can STILL be mended (not saying it should be you, but she def should grow up somewhere else….)”—SpinachSpinosaurus
The responses certainly give the OP a lot to consider. But it sounds like it may be best if she sticks to her guns and does what she thinks is best for the sake of her own mental health.
Hopefully the friend and her daughter can find another resource to help them out of their current predicament.
If you or a loved one are experiencing homelessness, the National Alliance to End Homelessness provides helpful resources and information on their website.