Redditor CourageClassic6141 is a working woman who got into an altercation with her husband’s coworker who criticized her for not being a good wife.
This co-worker—who was referred to as “Brenda”—called her out in a group chat for not spending enough time on taking care of her husband and even insinuated that such negligence could result in divorce.
When the Original Poster (OP) gave Brenda a taste of her own medicine with a dig that hit close to home, she wondered if she went too far.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to ask:
“AITA for ‘making fun’ of a woman for being in her 40s and single?”
The OP explained what incited the fracas.
“This whole saga started because my husband took my last name. A couple weeks ago he got his workplace to change it, and his coworkers found out.”
“About half of them think this is the funniest thing ever and about half are deeply offended. Brenda is in the offended half, and has made that clear.”
“He and I are in a group chat with his coworkers where we organize carpooling during the pandemic. It is very helpful to us, so we can’t leave the chat.”
“Since he changed his name, my husband and I have been dealing with a lot of dumb jokes in the chat, which we have been mostly ignoring.”
“Yesterday Brenda, his coworker and I got into a bit of a spat. I messaged the group asking if someone could take my husband home since I wouldn’t be back from work until late and needed the car. One of his other coworkers agreed, and I thought that was that.”
“Brenda messages the group saying ‘maybe if you spent less time at work and more time being a wife, your husband wouldn’t come into work with dirty shirts.'”
“I took this as a bad joke initially.”
“My husband is a rural mail carrier, so his shirts look like shirts worn by someone in 90 degree heat on dusty roads. I do wash them, but there’s only so much to be done.”
“Me: I could make cleaning those shirts my full-time job and it wouldn’t do much lol”
“Brenda: you won’t be married very long if you keep trying to be the man in the relationship. I’d be embarrassed as a wife if I did so little for my husband.”
“Me: well I work more hours and pay the bills, so I think he can oxyclean his own shirts if it’s so important.”
“Brenda: maybe you should learn to take proper care of your husband or you’ll find yourself divorced.”
“Me: I’ll let you know when I need relationship advice from someone who is 42 and single.”
“Now apparently Brenda is going around and saying that I ‘mocked her for being single in her 40s.’ I don’t care if someone is single in their 40s, but I think it’s absolute bullsh*t that she can call me a bad wife but I can’t point out she has no frame of reference.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors declared NTA and detected a little jealousy from Brenda.
“Sounds to me like somebody’s got a crush on the mailman. Trashtalking the wife because ‘she’ would bring his beer and massage his feet every night.” – OshetDeadagain
“Yep, 11/10 chance Brenda wants to f’k OP’s husband.” – _Catatronic
“NTA. I don’t even think I need to explain why. She brought this on herself.” – meagsteph
“NTA. What the heck, Brenda? Mind your own single business.” – decadecency
“It’s like watching Wile E Coyote trying to catch the falling anvil only to hold up a little umbrella and a sign saying ‘What am I doing?'” – phdoofus
“Play stupid games win stupid prizes! Don’t expect to insult someone with impunity and cry foul when they give you a taste of their own medicine.”
“OP NTA and Brenda is jealous she can’t be a strong independent woman like you and prefers to think her life as a 50’s housewife (slave) is ‘better.'” – HeiressOfGondor
“I should make a “don’t dish it if you can’t take it” Bot for this sub, the amount of times I find myself saying it…”
“NTA, Brenda shouldn’t dish it if she can’t take it.” – bready_bitch
“NTA. At all. She came out of left field and started insulting you for no reason. On top of that, she interjected herself into your marriage.”
“Your retort was logical – what business does she have giving ppl unsolicited marriage advice when she’s not in a successful marriage herself?”
“For the future, dont engage. Simply say something like ‘Your remarks are inappropriate. I will not lower myself and respond to such comments. Do not speak to me unless you have something relevant to carpooling to say.'” – International-Aside
Props were given to the supportive husband.
“The husband is a keeper. He’s proud of his wife’s success not intimidated by it.” – Millennials_RuinedIt
“Yup, you’ve got to figure a husband who is cool with taking his wife’s name is not going to be emasculated by her earning more money than him.” – Oblivinatior
The OP addressed a couple of points in edit.
“People keep asking why I need to help arrange rides in the first place. When my husband is out on deliveries he rarely has cell service, so if I find out late that I’m going to be home late I need to be able to reach his coworkers directly. Multiple spouses are in the chat for the same reasons.
“People are saying that I’ve hurt my husband’s feelings by saying I pay the bills. After reading the exchange he sent me a text saying ‘sometimes I forget you’re a hard little b*tch who takes no prisoners. I’m so proud lol.'”
As for the husband?
“He’s fine, I asked him just now if my comment about the bills hurt him and he said ‘oh yeah, it’s so hard having a hot wife who makes good money. Really tough, pray for me.'”
Overall, Redditors gave a solid NTA for the OP and thought that Brenda got what was coming to her.