Everyone has different relationships with their parents once they’ve flown the coop.
Some people can’t wait for their independence, and thus spend virtually no time with their parents once they’ve moved out.
Others, however, still see their parents on a regular basis, and remain active parts of each others lives.
This seemed to be the case with the fiancé of Redditor jemmi44, who’s mother frequently visited her home after he moved in with her.
Over time, the presence of the original poster (OP)’s future mother-in-law started to become a bit of a nuisance, as she seemed to be constantly snooping where she didn’t belong.
As a result, the OP began to set a trap of sorts to prove it, which her fiancé was not at all pleased with once he learned about them.
Wondering if she had gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for hiding embarrassing notes in my house as a joke because I know my fiancé’s mom snoops?”
The OP shared how after her fiancé’s mother discovered a slightly embarrassing secret of hers, she instead decided to have a little fun with it.
“I bought a house seven years ago and I met my fiancé, Al, four years ago.”
“This year he moved in.”
“We’re talking about making it a home for both of us.”
“But as of now, he hasn’t moved much stuff in, right now 95% of the stuff and furniture in the house is mine.”
“When his mom comes over, she’s kind of a snoop.”
“He was used to that, but when she comes to our house, it’s so uncomfortable because she’s just going through my sh*t.”
“When I am bothered, she’s like ‘I was just helping with chores’ etc.”
“He says I should just let her because she has ‘a lot of nervous energy’.”
“One thing she snooped on was actually embarrassing.”
“In my home office, I had a little ‘affirmation’ post it note on my monitor saying ‘I am smart, I am skilled, I am deserving of great things’.”
“It was a silly thing my therapist recommended to get me in a confident mindset before an interview.”
“Anyway, she made a comment to about my ego.”
“But as a joke, I decided to do it again.”
“I had my best friend over and we got wine drunk and wrote a bunch of ‘affirmations’ to hide.”
“Medicine cabinet: My teeth will regrow! I am sharklike and powerful!”
“Kitchen drawers: I know when to spoon, but I also know when to fork! I am sexy and self assured!”
“Work desk: I will not just fuck my way to the top of the company, I will fuck my way to the top of the world!”
“Walk in closet: I am beautiful with clothes and without! Especially without! My boobs are legendary!”
“There were a bunch more, and my friend and I had a hilarious time writing them.”
“Next time my MIL came over she saw a few.”
“And she didn’t acknowledge them to me even though she definitely started acting a little weird about me.”
“I went to run some errands and when I was out, she confronted Al about the notes and was trying to tell him that I seemed unstable, egotistical, and moving in was a bad idea.”
“She showed him the notes and he didn’t really know what to make of it.”
“He asked me and I said that they were just some silly private notes to boost my self confidence and make myself laugh; how had she gotten them?”
“Had she been going through my things?”
“He said she was just tidying, and saw them.”
“And they were real weird.”
“I was like ‘have you met me?”
“‘You should know how weird I am’.”
“‘Anyway if you don’t want your mom seeing my weird shit you’ve got to stop letting her go through my sh*t’.”
“He asked if I left them on purpose to annoy her, and I admitted that was kinda the joke, but I also have other weird or private shit so what I said about her needing to stop snooping if she didn’t want to find weird crap was still for real.”
“He said I was making stuff hard for him, his mom was really protective and adjusting to him moving in with a girlfriend for the first time, and I was agitating her on purpose and making her think I wouldn’t be a good partner, when he wanted her to have the opposite impression of me!”
“AITA for the note prank?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for pranking her fiancé’s mother with post it notes.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s mother got what she deserved for snooping where she didn’t belong, with a few concerned, if not disturbed by her fiancé’s loyalty to his mother, even when she was snooping.
“Don’t ask Al’s mom to stop going through your sh*t.”
“Tell her she is not allowed to go through your sh*t.”
“If that doesn’t sit well, maybe she won’t come over any more.”
“Either way, you win.”- gw2kpro
“The kind of energy I needed today.”
“Also, it’s really creepy Al’s mom is looking through all your stuff and then Al saying it’s just what she does?”
“Like, what is she looking for?”
“Why does it not bother him that his mother is finding stuff in his fiancé’s house and then telling him about it all shocked and disturbed as if what she is doing is any less shocking and disturbing?”-Darkrai_35
“Your next affirmation can be ‘I am NTA and I am hilarious’.”- GreenVenus7
“Al’s Mom is a snoop, and deserves whatever agitation she gets from your notes.”
“Al should support you in maintaining your privacy in YOUR home.”- urson_black
“She’s snooping through your home.”
“I’d have gone further and left little notes like, ‘Nobody likes a snoop’, and ‘You aren’t welcome to go through my things’.”
“But yours were pretty damn funny.”
“It’s a red flag if your fiancé stands up for her invading your privacy like this.”- Aunty_Fascist
“This is hilarious and I want to be your friend.”
“But on a more serious note, I don’t like your boyfriend’s blind defense of his mom at the expense of your boundaries and privacy.”
“He needs to take your requests seriously, communicate them to his mom, and enforce consequences if she continues.”
“If he’s not able to do that, I’d think long and hard about the future of your relationship.”-finkplamingoes
“Don’t marry the guy who can’t set the simple boundary with his mom of ‘don’t snoop through the house’.”
“He’s choosing his mom over you.”- 0biterdicta
“Your house, you put what you like where.”
“The next time this woman comes over to your house, sit her down and tell her ‘You are not allowed to snoop through my sh*t’.”
“If she wanders off somewhere you follow her and remind her ‘You are not allowed to snoop through my sh*t’.”
“Leave a bunch of notes around reminding her ‘You are not allowed to snoop through my sh*t’.”
“If your boyfriend has a problem with his mother not being allowed to snoop through your sh*t, tell him ‘Your mother is still not allowed to snoop through my sh*t’.”- YourMom_Infinity
“You Are Wonderful!”
“You are Fun and You Have a Great Sense of Humor!”
“A couple GIANT dildos and a few bottles of lube might be fun to hide around the house as well.”-Petapotomus
“But you need to have a talk with your fiancé about setting boundaries with his mother.”
“It is a red flag if he observes this, but still won’t intervene.”- Ok_Cheetah6748
“This is hilarious.”
“But mate you have a pretty crappy boyfriend.”
“does her ‘nervous energy’ ever translate to her scrubbing your loo?”
“And if your bf can set a basic and simple boundary now , just imagine what will happen if you get married and have kids?”
“Run away girl.”- happytiara
“Your fiancé, however, seems to already be married to his mother, and this likely will not improve.”-solo954
“She’s getting off lucky, not too long ago there was a post about the MIL who was glitter bombed while snooping.”- NesssMonster
“But you should definitely set boundaries with your FIANCÉ immediately.”
“Do your really want to life the rest of your life with that kind of behavior?”- EdutechLugie
It is fairly surprising that the OP’s fiancé was more annoyed by her prank, which didn’t cause any harm to anyone, than by his mother’s snooping.
Leaving one to wonder if the Reddit community was correct in their assumption that he’ll always take her side in these situations going forward.
One hopes the OP, her fiancé and his mother all have a serious talk about this problem before the wedding, especially if they want the wedding to happen.