Some people are born into luckier situations than others.
But sometimes through hard work and dedication, it’s possible to overcome the numerous hurdles life might throw at you and find yourself in a financial situation which couldn’t be more different than the one you grew up in.
This makes it all the more important not to forget where you came from.
The childhood friend of Redditor RichSlummer did this in the worst possible way, resulting in the original poster (OP) openly expressing her disgust towards her oldest friend.
But wondering if she behaved inappropriately, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole”, (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling me friend that she is an a**hole?”
The OP first filled readers in on the less than glamorous circumstances she and her best friend grew up in.
“My best friend and I grew up in poverty.”
“We had not much opportunities for an education.”
“For young women in our area, our options were retail, drug dealing, prostitution, or hoping a rich guy would notice us.”
“For guys it was retail, drug dealing, or finding one of the few factory jobs remaining.”
The OP was lucky enough to find a path to a happy ending, but revealed it wasn’t as easy for her friend.
“I got lucky, managed to date a med student, he helped open doors for me and I have become a teacher in a school in a lower socioeconomic area to provide those opportunities.”
“My husband is now a doctor.”
“My friend tried that option but was not as lucky.”
“She was working min wage retail at age 25.”
“While doing so she got friendly with a factory worker (M[ale], 30) who came by regularly and they started dating.”
While the friend’s boyfriend didn’t have the same sort of professional connections as the OP, he offered her endless moral support, eventually encouraging her to follow her dreams.
“He knew he was not the academic type, school was not for him.”
“But he also saw potential in my friend and encouraged her to go school.”
“She had dreams of becoming a criminal prosecutor and he encouraged her to not give up.”
“He took out whatever loan he could find so that she could get an education.”
“He supported her through and through, did the house work, worked extra shifts, everything so she could get an education.”
“My friend persevered, graduated, and became a lawyer.”
But after at long last reaching her dream profession, she made a life decision which shocked the OP to the core.
“Shortly after, she broke up with her boyfriend; just as he planned on proposing to her.”
“She said that as a professional, she had no interest being married to a working class man and that she ‘deserves’ a ‘real man’. “
“I was horrified and told her that she is betraying a man who has supported her through all this and made her what she is.”
“She got mad and said that it is not the woman’s job to pay the bills and that I am a hypocrite cause my husband makes a lot more than me.”
“She further said that the idea of marriage as a life partnership is a patriarchal construct, that she has the right to date whomever she wants, and that as a feminist I should be supporting her. “
“I told her that she is not only a major a**hole, she is giving feminists a bad name because feminism means women financially supporting their male partners as much as in the reverse.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
No one even remotely considered the possibility the OP was the a**hole in scolding her friend.
Just about everyone agreed her friend behaved appallingly and the OP did the absolute right thing by calling her out.
“NTA because you are right, that was an AH move on her part.”
“The idea of a ‘real man’ only being a breadwinner is very much not feminist.”
“She’s using feminism as a way to try to make her defenses seem untouchable, because then she can proclaim you aren’t feminist and shut you down- when her behavior has nothing to do with feminism.”
“Dumping him because she wants to ladder climb is extremely classist and coldhearted.”
“It really sounds like she just used him for his money, rather than actually enjoying the relationship or caring for him.”
“Very sad that she felt it necessary to manipulate someone to survive, and even sadder for her poor ex being used like that.”- Dontdrinkthecoffee.
“NTA – She used him.”
“This has nothing to do with feminism.”
“She took his love, his graciousness… and led him to believe they had a future together, while bleeding him dry.”
“She is a vampire.”
“She does not have the requisite morality to be considered for your friendship, because you’re a good person. “
“She is not.”-KittenIsMuffin.
“NTA but she certainly is.”
“She used this man.”
“Questions has he got outstanding loans that he took out to fund her education?”
“‘It is not the Woman’s job to pay the bills’, What kind of patriarchal BS is that?
“She is definitely not a feminist and you are right feminism is about the equal treatment of both sexes she objectified her BF she saw him as an ATM.”- Whitestaunton.
‘NTA!”
“Holy sh*t.”
“That woman isn’t a feminist, she’s a vampire.”-jen4k2.
“NTA.”
“She is right: she does have the right to date whomever she chooses.”
“But she is a shallow, horrid user.”
“The type who will be nice and hang out for as long as you can do something for her and not a moment more.”
“There are many many cases of women supporting the families and having a happy marriage, or women marrying ‘below their station’ for live and being happy.”
“The problem is, there is no amount of money or status that that can fill the hole in your friends soul.”
“She is empty.”
“You are well rid of her.”
“Good luck, and I hope you find better quality friends soon.”-KaoJin-Wo.
Other’s expressed sympathy for the friend’s ex-boyfriend, having worked so hard to help her fulfill her dreams only to be pushed aside.
“NTA I honestly just hope her ex is doing well right now.”-Bengamezzzzzz.
“NTA.”
“Your friend used that man.”
“He treated her well and she shat on him.”
“Let’s hope karma gets her.”-countrybumpkin1969.
The OP eventually gave an update on where her relationship with this friend currently stands, while also sharing a message from the mistreated ex-boyfriend.
“I am no longer friends with her.”
“[The ex-boyfriend] is on the hook for the loans; she has no intent of paying them back
“My ex-besties ex-boyfriend has seen this and is thankful for all the support he has gotten.”
“He is still deeply hurt but my husband and I are right now focused on him.”
It’s really sad to think that any job would be worth hurting people so close to you as badly as the OP’s friend hurt her and her boyfriend.
One can only hope she’ll soon see the error of her ways.