Some people are born into luckier situations than others.
But sometimes through hard work and dedication, it's possible to overcome the numerous hurdles life might throw at you and find yourself in a financial situation which couldn't be more different than the one you grew up in.
This makes it all the more important not to forget where you came from.
The childhood friend of Redditor RichSlummer did this in the worst possible way, resulting in the original poster (OP) openly expressing her disgust towards her oldest friend.
But wondering if she behaved inappropriately, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole", (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling me friend that she is an a**hole?"
The OP first filled readers in on the less than glamorous circumstances she and her best friend grew up in.
"My best friend and I grew up in poverty."
"We had not much opportunities for an education."
"For young women in our area, our options were retail, drug dealing, prostitution, or hoping a rich guy would notice us."
"For guys it was retail, drug dealing, or finding one of the few factory jobs remaining."
The OP was lucky enough to find a path to a happy ending, but revealed it wasn't as easy for her friend.
"I got lucky, managed to date a med student, he helped open doors for me and I have become a teacher in a school in a lower socioeconomic area to provide those opportunities."
"My husband is now a doctor."
"My friend tried that option but was not as lucky."
"She was working min wage retail at age 25."
"While doing so she got friendly with a factory worker (M[ale], 30) who came by regularly and they started dating."
While the friend's boyfriend didn't have the same sort of professional connections as the OP, he offered her endless moral support, eventually encouraging her to follow her dreams.
"He knew he was not the academic type, school was not for him."
"But he also saw potential in my friend and encouraged her to go school."
"She had dreams of becoming a criminal prosecutor and he encouraged her to not give up."
"He took out whatever loan he could find so that she could get an education."
"He supported her through and through, did the house work, worked extra shifts, everything so she could get an education."
"My friend persevered, graduated, and became a lawyer."
But after at long last reaching her dream profession, she made a life decision which shocked the OP to the core.
"Shortly after, she broke up with her boyfriend; just as he planned on proposing to her."
"She said that as a professional, she had no interest being married to a working class man and that she 'deserves' a 'real man'. "
"I was horrified and told her that she is betraying a man who has supported her through all this and made her what she is."
"She got mad and said that it is not the woman's job to pay the bills and that I am a hypocrite cause my husband makes a lot more than me."
"She further said that the idea of marriage as a life partnership is a patriarchal construct, that she has the right to date whomever she wants, and that as a feminist I should be supporting her. "
"I told her that she is not only a major a**hole, she is giving feminists a bad name because feminism means women financially supporting their male partners as much as in the reverse."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
No one even remotely considered the possibility the OP was the a**hole in scolding her friend.
Just about everyone agreed her friend behaved appallingly and the OP did the absolute right thing by calling her out.
"NTA because you are right, that was an AH move on her part."
"The idea of a 'real man' only being a breadwinner is very much not feminist."
"She's using feminism as a way to try to make her defenses seem untouchable, because then she can proclaim you aren't feminist and shut you down- when her behavior has nothing to do with feminism."
"Dumping him because she wants to ladder climb is extremely classist and coldhearted."
"It really sounds like she just used him for his money, rather than actually enjoying the relationship or caring for him."
"Very sad that she felt it necessary to manipulate someone to survive, and even sadder for her poor ex being used like that."- Dontdrinkthecoffee.
"NTA - She used him."
"This has nothing to do with feminism."
"She took his love, his graciousness... and led him to believe they had a future together, while bleeding him dry."
"She is a vampire."
"She does not have the requisite morality to be considered for your friendship, because you're a good person. "
"She is not."-KittenIsMuffin.
"NTA but she certainly is."
"She used this man."
"Questions has he got outstanding loans that he took out to fund her education?"
"'It is not the Woman's job to pay the bills', What kind of patriarchal BS is that?
"She is definitely not a feminist and you are right feminism is about the equal treatment of both sexes she objectified her BF she saw him as an ATM."- Whitestaunton.
'NTA!"
"Holy sh*t."
"That woman isn't a feminist, she's a vampire."-jen4k2.
"NTA."
"She is right: she does have the right to date whomever she chooses."
"But she is a shallow, horrid user."
"The type who will be nice and hang out for as long as you can do something for her and not a moment more."
"There are many many cases of women supporting the families and having a happy marriage, or women marrying 'below their station' for live and being happy."
"The problem is, there is no amount of money or status that that can fill the hole in your friends soul."
"She is empty."
"You are well rid of her."
"Good luck, and I hope you find better quality friends soon."-KaoJin-Wo.
Other's expressed sympathy for the friend's ex-boyfriend, having worked so hard to help her fulfill her dreams only to be pushed aside.
"NTA I honestly just hope her ex is doing well right now."-Bengamezzzzzz.
"NTA."
"Your friend used that man."
"He treated her well and she shat on him."
"Let's hope karma gets her."-countrybumpkin1969.
The OP eventually gave an update on where her relationship with this friend currently stands, while also sharing a message from the mistreated ex-boyfriend.
"I am no longer friends with her."
"[The ex-boyfriend] is on the hook for the loans; she has no intent of paying them back
"My ex-besties ex-boyfriend has seen this and is thankful for all the support he has gotten."
"He is still deeply hurt but my husband and I are right now focused on him."
It's really sad to think that any job would be worth hurting people so close to you as badly as the OP's friend hurt her and her boyfriend.
One can only hope she'll soon see the error of her ways.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.