in ,

Woman Called Out For Leaving Friend’s Bachelorette Trip Early Because She ‘Missed’ Her Husband

Photo by Katie Drazdauskaite on Unsplash

Our friends and our significant others both deserve our attention, but it can be difficult to know where the boundaries of that attention are, and how to balance giving attention to the proper people at the proper time.

Redditor summertime236 found herself in the middle of one such situation, when she had to choose between staying on a bachelorette trip with her friend, or seeing her husband for the first time in a month.

Unclear if she’d made the right choices, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole” or “AITA” for feedback from objective strangers:

“AITA for leaving my best friend’s bachelorette trip early to go see my husband?”

Our original poster, or OP, explained her dilemma:

“My best friend wanted to go to Croatia for her bachelorette party. While we were there my husband asked me if I would be willing to fly to him that night.”

“I hadn’t seen him in a month and I missed him a lot so I said yes. There were only 3 days left of the trip anyway, so I thought my friend would be okay with it.”

“However, when I told her she begged me not to go and got angry when I said he asked me to go see him.”

“She told me I always ran like an obedient dog whenever he called and she said he had no respect for me otherwise he wouldn’t do this.”

“She said she hoped she didn’t end up like me after getting married and a lot of other things about me/my marriage/husband. I was really angry and I told her she was acting like a b*tch.”

“After I left, she sent me a message saying she was reconsidering my role in the wedding since I was so unreliable. AITA?”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Redditors couldn’t believe she even had to ask–yes, she was at fault.

“YTA, your best friend is having a once in a lifetime event.”

“Aside from the fact that your husband asked you to fly to see him (which sounds bizarre and I can’t think of any good reason for this; makes me believe your best friend is seeing his personality correctly), it doesn’t make any sense that you would do this.”

“You will have your husband for all sorts of things in the future. Your best friend will not have this moment again.”

“’Only’ 3 DAYS left? Did you attend the party at all?! Unless you are leaving out very significant details you are absolutely wrong.”

“Your best friend should immediately kick you out of the wedding, you aren’t a real friend to her. You don’t sound like a good friend to anyone.”

“Give her the best wedding gift of all-stay away from her and let the people who care about her enjoy her special day with her.”

“If your husband asks you to, Do you plan on leaving the wedding before it even starts?”-Jellybean61496

“YTA honestly I would’ve kicked you out of the wedding party.”

“Why is it your husband is suddenly not busy when it’s your best friend’s Bachelorette party?”

“All the time before, he was busy? I honestly find that hard to believe.”-MeloNurse3

“YTA. Per your comments I’m seeing. For whatever reason not specified, you live in a different country from him right now, and he chooses to not make time for you.”

“He KNEW about this trip, and asked you at the last minute to cut it short for no reason other than he’s ready to bear your presence.”

“Your friend is right. She’s probably seen you act as his doormat for so long, and knows he’s doing this as a power play or he’s bored or both so you come running, when you were on a planned trip with her.”

“She KNOWS because of this she can’t count on you when it comes time for anything, especially her wedding, when he and / or you will pull some crap again.”-dart1126

“YTA. that’s so rude and it’s a bachelorette trip for your friend’s big day. It’s an event that (hopefully) only happens once.”

“Also 3 days early is a lot of time. You showed her that you are not a reliable friend and do not take her feelings into consideration.”

“Normally I would go with E S H because she said some pretty mean things, but I think your actions eclipse hers and perhaps there is a nugget of truth in them (and it sounds like you said some pretty mean things back)”-og_kitten_mittens

People couldn’t believe that she would break a promise to a friend, and then ask if she was at fault.

“YTA with the information. You are unreliable based on the reading. There had to be other instances of this occurring in the past for your friend to get that upset and say the things you listed in your post.”

“Why didn’t your husband go to you and stay in another hotel so you can visit which would only be for hours and can be fit in when the schedule is free instead of bailing?”

“I agree with your friend about reconsidering your role. You bailed and there are consequences.”-CapsFan1066

“YTA. You committed to the trip and you abandoned your friend. It would be one thing if there was an emergency and you had to leave but you chose to go simply because your husband asked.”

“Assuming he knew you were on the trip it was selfish of him to ask you to cut it short for him.”

“Your friend’s comment that you run like an obedient dog backs up my initial thought which was to wonder if your husband is controlling and doesn’t like you having interests outside of him.”-emccm

“YTA, she has her own reasons for being disappointed. You missed one of her most exciting life events even if you confirmed you would be there.”

“And 1 month of being away from your husband isn’t even that much. You could have been with him after the trip.”

“Your husband asked you ‘yo lets meet’ and you decided not to attend one of your best friend’s favorite event. How can she believe you are reliable if you leave her in such moments?”-ingstad

“I’m going to say YTA, you already had this Bachelorette trip planned and you were in the thick of it.”

“There was no reason to bail because your husband wanted you to. If you missed him so much you should have planned a visit ahead of time that didn’t interfere with already made plans.”-Ok_Image6174

Others wondered about her husband’s behavior, and if it was healthy.

“YTA. Is your husband always that controlling and demanding? Did no part of him realise that you were doing something important?”

“She crossed a line using a phrase like ‘obedient dog,’ but I can understand her being hurt by this. Does your partner often make demands like this?”

“I would also have to agree on the ‘unreliable’ side of this. I’m planning a wedding right now and would probably be worried about him demanding you don’t attend or demanding you leave early.”-SeekingBeskar

“YTA It sucks you might not have seen him for a while (for whatever reason) but bailing on your best friend half way through a prearranged trip to spontaneously go see someone else, family or not, is not really very nice or considerate.”

“Not unless he was sick or for some other important reason. Couldn’t you have gone after the trip with the best friend was finished?”-BobzyBadass12345

“YTA Why did your husband just HAVE to see you right then and there? Why couldn’t he wait? Does he have a history of calling you back to him when you’re out with friends?”

“It seems like your friends reaction was just the final nail in the coffin of you constantly putting her to the side and dipping out on plans for your husband.”-Comfortable_Sock4229

“YTA unless there was an emergency. I don’t think you are a ‘best friend’ if you do that, knowing it would hurt her as it clearly did.”

“If my best friend did that, she would not be a best friend anymore, and maybe not even a friend.”

“I might let her stay in the wedding (because it would be more work to change things during an already extremely stressful time for a bride) but after that- any love will be lost.”-poshia

“Look I’d be pretty hurt if someone had agreed to come and spend time celebrating a huge thing with me and then got a call from their husband and decided to bail internationally that same night.”

“It might make me think that I’d signed up someone to my wedding party that didn’t think much of me either. So yeah, YTA.”

“The a**holery is slightly lesser if this was your only opportunity to visit your husband (say, in a third country where he worked) but you still should have organized this in advance, not dropped your friend like a hot dish when your husband called.”

“On the other hand, if your husband is literally just back in the same place you’re returning to in 3 days, the a**hole level goes up significantly.”-sleepiestcatmum

OP may be out of the wedding because of the decision she made, and Reddit is not on her side, so hopefully OP has her conviction behind her.

If not, it might be time to apologize to her friend.






Written by Mike Walsh

Mike is a writer, dancer, actor, and singer who recently graduated with his MFA from Columbia University. Mike's daily ambitions are to meet new dogs and make new puns on a daily basis. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @mikerowavables.