Assumptions come in only two flavors: lovely positives and catastrophic negatives.
Assuming someone wants a new plushie and buying it for them can lead to a big smile and a gleeful hug.
Assuming you have the money to buy a new plushie for someone and finding out only after the fact that you don’t can lead to a night of very uncomfortable couch sleeping.
Or so I’ve heard.
So what happens when an assumption leads to a really embarrassing situation, and in an attempt to help alleviate the tension, you lie to make a quick escape?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) BitterCat7552 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for faking a work emergency to get out of a wedding?”
A little bit of history.
“I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for about eight months.”
“Last weekend two friends of his were getting married, he’s from Scotland, and we live south of England, so I haven’t met any of those friends yet.”
“Originally, the wedding was in 2020. Obviously, COVID postponed it, and then, due to a death in the groom’s family, it only happened last Saturday.”
“When the original invite went out, my BF was dating someone else for about 2 years, and he RSVP’d a plus one.”
“When the new date was decided, they didn’t send new invites (expensive), just a text or email with the new date & time.”
“When my boyfriend asked me to attend, I foolishly didn’t think to ask if the bride knew I was coming because he assured me he had a plus 1.”
The best-laid plans.
“On Friday, we get to the pre-wedding reception, and when we get to the bride and groom, immediately I realize the issue.”
“The bride is shocked my BF has brought someone.”
“When my BF said he RSVPd plus 1, the bride said yes, but that had been when you were dating EX.”
“We walk away, and suddenly I can hear the bride panicking saying, “we don’t have the seats or the food,” and she starts crying.”
“I feel awful, she spend the next 2 hours crying in the corner, being consoled by her MOH that she didn’t need extra stress.”
OP took steps.
“The groom said it’s fine but is obviously uncomfortable, so I faked a call and then came back and claimed a work emergency.”
“Said I had to leave ASAP.”
“I apologized to the groom and bride, who stopped crying enough to say it was lovely to meet me.”
“I then got a taxi and a train home.”
Her boyfriend did not react well…
“When my boyfriend got back Monday, he asked me about the emergency, and I explained I had lied so the bride didn’t have to stress about me being there, and he gets livid.”
“He called me an a**hole and said that not only did I leave him on his own all weekend, but all his friends thought I prioritized work over the wedding and that I made a horrible impression.”
…But her heart was in the right place.
“I thought I was helping the situation by not being there and stressing out the wedding party, I said work emergency because for a family emergency, my boyfriend would have felt obligated to come with me, and I wanted him to stay and enjoy the wedding.”
Still, OP was left to wonder,
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some were firmly on OP’s side.
“NTA, your boyfriend, however, is an AH.”
“He absolutely should have confirmed he still had a plus 1. A simple phone call would’ve saved everyone the grief.”
“TBH I would’ve done the same as you given the bride was upset and knowing the stress that goes into planning a wedding, an unexpected guest throws out the seating and meals.” ~ BrightOrangeFlowers
“Seriously. The bride was overreacting, but the BF was a huge a-hole to the bride, and especially to OP.” ~ bluebook2000
“I’m guessing that OP wasn’t the only one who threw off her guest list if they hadn’t bothered to re-check RSVPs after four years (people could have grown whole-@ss toddlers in that timeframe).”
“But OP knew that her presence stressed out the bride and therefore gracefully extracted herself from the situation.”
“NTA” ~ Wynfleue
“It boggles the mind a bit that the bride and groom didn’t recheck headcount if the original RSVPs were that old.”
“From the reaction I’m guessing this wasn’t the only invite that didn’t match their expectations because ONE unexpected guest should have been manageable though annoying.”
“(I am not endorsing showing up with uninvited guests by any means)”
“OP did the only option that was really available given how the bride was taking it and boyfriend sucks for not seeing that.” ~ yubsie
The boyfriend seemed to be the real AH.
“He didn’t even care how uncomfortable it must have been for OP to sit there and listen to the bride how unwelcome she is.”
“She should just tell the truth if anyone asks her, that the bride was crying and she was uncomfortable staying there when she was obviously not welcome.”
“Her bf put her in a lose-lose situation. Had she stayed, the bride would have talked forever about that extra person who ‘ruined’ her wedding.” ~ hummingelephant
“I think OP did the right thing in this circumstance.”
“It’s like the boyfriend doesn’t care about the bride and groom either, just his feelings. He says it bothered his friends that she left, but did it really?”
“Unless OP can ask his friends directly, we’ve only got boyfriend’s word for it… which I would take with a healthy dose of salt 🧂” ~ JaneDoe_83
“For him to be ‘livid’ that you alleviated his great friend’s distress at their wedding speaks volumes…”
“So does the fact that he apparently seemed to have not told them of your existence, otherwise they may have inferred you’d be there with him.”
“Did he not tell them he’s seriously dating someone for eight months now?”
“Had he NEVER mentioned ‘WE are looking forward to coming, and OP is looking forward to meeting everyone’. Yet you’re so integral to his life that he was MAD you left a place you knew no one and he knew lots of people?
Think less about this one event, and more about the ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP
OP’s kindness was brought up more than once.
“It sounds like you did this out of kindness to the couple.”
“I get your bf doesn’t like to be lied to; maybe you could have told him what was up.”
“But why is he so upset you left?”
“You left him alone? The friends were upset you prioritized your work over the wedding of 2 people you’d just met. What now?”
“You’d never have done it if they hadn’t gone into a tailspin of worry over your presence. I’m going with NTA. You were trying to do the right thing.” ~ ashleighbuck
“NTA you clearly did an act of kindness, trying to reduce the stress of the bride.”
“However, what the hell happened in the bride and groom’s heads ??”
“”Oh yeah BF has a +1 it’s fine don’t worry we take care of this… *day of the wedding* Wait you ACTUALLY have a +1 like you said you would ?! WTF ?!”‘~ Heptamasta
“NTA. You’re a saint.”
“His friends had no idea what kind of work emergency it was. I wonder if they even cared, and it was just your BF that projected.”
“You did a small bad thing to help the bride. If he had ‘t started name-calling, I would say you could apologize for lying to him.” ~ CindySvensson
Assumptions, as always, lead to problems.
“It’s possible that he didn’t actually receive a “+1” but that his former partner was invited by name, especially as it was a relatively long-term relationship.”
“He may assumed that because he originally RSVP’d for two they would let him bring a +1 to replace his original guest; they may have assumed that because the original invited guest was obviously no longer coming, he would be attending alone.”
“If this is the case, he should’ve confirmed and they should’ve asked — no one really at fault for it but neither party handling it well (and the way he treated OP clearly unacceptable).” ~ lauraam
“I guess the problem was that they planned things and THEN the break up happened, and the groom and bride suddenly assumed he will go alone and they had a +1 space so they filled it with somebody else…”
“THEN the bf arrived with op and they are now one short.” ~ Gobolino
“But then that means they “assumed” he’d go sans a +1, rather than actually asking him.”
“I get the wedding was rescheduled etc, but even though you’re not sending out invites again (expensive to do so), surely you’d ask via text or email, to confirm numbers?”
“I’m not saying bride/groom are sh*tty for this, just that it seems to have stemmed from a lack of communication. It could have been avoided with a text. And though wedding planning takes time, a text takes about 30 seconds to send.” ~ JaneDoe_83
Not everyone saw OP as the hero.
“Life isn’t a poorly written sitcom.”
“You had every opportunity to discuss this with your boyfriend before faking your emergency phone call.”
“I also find it nearly impossible that a bride is going to cry for two hours because an extra plus one showed up.” ~ Tacos-and-zonkeys
“I get your intention, but you should have communicated with your boyfriend what was going on.”
“You could have even approached the bride and said that it was fine, you actually had somewhere else to be and wish them the best. Faking emergencies or lying in these situations never work out.” ~lickmysackett
While it isn’t always possible to forgo assumptions entirely, just remember that even a well-intended assumption can land you on a couch.
Not that I’d know.