Racism and bigotry of any kind should not, in any situation, be tolerated.
I don’t think this is a controversial statement but, given the article below, it bears stating.
So how do you handle a situation where someone assigns a belief to you that you do not have or support and then tries to ‘out’ you for having that belief.
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) throwFlag5561 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for kicking this girl out of my house after she mistook my UK flag for a confedrate flag? And was planning to get us fired from our jobs?”
OP began with some background.
“So for a bit of background, we are all in our mid 20s and live in the USA.”
“Me and two of my friends rent out a decent size house and we had a get-together.”
“My roommate is friends with these two girls call them Kate and Jess, and they invite with them a new friend call her Ashley.”
“Now Ashley when she comes over I see that she is recording us, I thought she was just posting to her Instagram and Snapchat. I don’t pay attention to any of it really.”
Everything was fine, until…
“I notice that she is just videotaping a lot, so I am like Kate can you check on your friend like whats going on?”
“Turns out.. she thought that the UK flag we have hanging in our living room was a confederate flag. And she was getting ‘Evidence against us.’ When she found out that it wasn’t everyone just acted like it was a huge joke.”
“But I got pissed, like for real?”
“You think we are racist, yet invite you over to our house, where you have our hospitality and our food/alcohol.”
“In the meanwhile you are getting evidence to ruin our livelihoods?”
“I don’t want anyone like that in my house AT ALL. So I make a scene and get her to leave. Kate and Jess say it was just a misunderstanding.”
“I was like no there wasn’t ts the principle behind it.”
OP was left confused.
“Some of our friends have came to Ashley’s side but I don’t see how you can support her”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Many pointed out that the point was the bad intention.
“I don’t want someone in my house who’s secretly recorded me in an effort to ruin my life. You have every right to ban her from your home, even if your roommates don’t agree.”
“She’s not a safe person to have in your living space.” ~ [deleted]
“Mistaking the flags was the misunderstanding. Recording to ruin someone’s life was intentional and not a misunderstanding at all.” ~ The__RIAA
“This is the important part.”
“Other commenters are going on about how dumb she is for not knowing the flags. well yes, she is, but that‘s not the point here.”
“The point is what she did with that assumed knowledge.”
“And that makes OPs reaction fully justified and him NTA.” ~ ntrontty
Some had other ideas about how to handle the situation.
“I wouldn’t kick her out.”
“Once we figured out she was recording us for having a ‘Confederate’ flag, I’d just let her. Probably even serve a few drinks.”
‘”Dude but that’s the U–“‘
‘”YES Jack, the Confederate Flag! We’re proud of it so just let her film it if she wants”‘
“My vindication would be when she posted it to oust us as ‘those racists with a Confederate flag in their living room’ on every social media and becomes publicly branded a maliciously ignorant moron.”
“But yeah, she’d still be banned and would never step foot again in my house.” ~ HeyRiks
“Don’t outright say it, though. You might get put on tape saying that. Be vague:”
“‘Yeah, I’m sure it’s the kind of thing that would annoy a lot of Americans, and it’s true that they did lose the war, but it’s still a part of our history and heritage, regardless.”‘ ~ SuperFLEB
Others just pointed at the weird disconnects in the story.
“I mean, she feels strongly enough about seeing a confederate flag that she wants to get evidence to use against you but not so strongly that she even knows what it looks like?”
“That alone is a**hole behavior.”
“And as you pointed out, she’s bothered enough to want to call you out on her social media but not bothered enough to leave, or even to just say something face-to-face about it?”
“A simple question: ‘Is that a confederate flag on your wall?’ Would have solved the issue and everyone could have had a laugh and carried on with their evening.” ~ Stellaaahhhh
“‘Meanwhile she’s fine to stay there and hangout.'”
“No courage or ethics to back up her fake convictions.”
“Thinks OP’s a racist but is fine eating her food and drinking her booze. Reminds me of my SIL.”
“I used to be a journalist and she was sitting at my table at Thanksgiving bashing journalists and I was like, ‘But you’re cool to sit at my table and eat my food, right?’ and she was SCANDALIZED that I would say such a thing.” ~ [deleted]
“She was being malicious.”
“If she really cared about blatant displays of racism she would have said ‘WTF’ and noped out. She drank your food and ate your liqour and plotted to get you fired. She’s the AH.” ~ Revolutionary-Good22
Commenters had no patience for Ashley.
“She was uninvited by the people that live there, made a wild and completely wrong assumption that the Union Jack was the confederate flag.”
“Then while continuing to enjoy your hospitality she was videoing inside your house with the intention of causing you all difficult and stirring drama.”
“So much ignorance and jumping to conclusions, and I assume if she was strongly anti-racist she’d recognize the confederate flag. She sounds like a complete nightmare.” ~ bluedog33
“So, to sum it up:”
“None of the people who live there invited her; you-all don’t know her and she doesn’t know you-all; she’s eating you-all’s food, drinking you-all’s alcohol, while not very surreptitiously gathering evidence to call you-all out in public (falsely).”
“Dumb as a rock.”
“Kicking her out was the right call here. NTA” ~ strangr55
“How thick was she that she mistook the Union Jack for the Confederate Flag?”
“She could have just asked you about it?”
“Like ‘I’m sorry but why do you have the confederate flag hanging up?'”
“And then you guys could explain that it’s the Union Jack and then everyone can laugh it off and treat it as a misunderstanding.”
“No, she just made an assumption about you guys, made no attempt to verify if it was correct or not, and then decided to go out of her way to try and ruin you guys.”
“All whilst accepting your hospitality and food and drink.”
“Also, if she thought it was the Confederate Flag, she could have just been like ‘I’m sorry, I’m not comfortable being here with you guys having that flag’ and then left.”
“I think you were right to kick her out!” ~ reychael_
Though some did try to give Ashley the benefit of the doubt.
“Eh, I dunno about that.”
“There can be a lot of reasons you don’t want to directly confront someone for being racist, or she felt like she couldn’t leave.”
“If you’re racist, the person who outs you for being racist isn’t the a**hole.”
“That’s like cheaters who get mad at the person who snitched on them. No, you’re the a**hole because you’re the wrongdoer.”
“Don’t want to get fired? Don’t be racist.”
“And leaving (if she could) would only help her.”
“Reporting to an employer will maybe stop there from being another racist executive, another racist cop, another racist judge, another racist teacher, another racist doctor, whatever it may be, and that helps a whole lot of other people.”
“It’s never a bad thing to report racism, IMO.”
“But obviously that doesn’t apply here because it’s the f*ckin UK flag lmao how does one confuse those??” ~ FiftyShadesOfGregg
Not everyone felt that there was any wrongdoing here on either side.
“NAH because you don’t have to keep an open invite to those with whom you’re not comfortable, but also f*ck racists and they should have their lives ruined. Lass is just a dumb*ss is all.” ~ Shadiekins
And others felt that the British flag was just as bad.
“You realise the murder, oppression and apartheid that’s been done under that flying flag?”
“You know the UK basically supported the confederacy for most of its existence? Learn your own godd*mn culture, dumb*ss” ~ mikemi_80
“YTA, the British flag is much worse than the Confederate flag.” ~ BrownKidMaadCity
“Doxxing someone is wrong.”
“The Union Jack was flown on East India Trading Company ships that were transporting slaves though. So some PoC are offended by it.” ~ JohnDeaux739
Having a passionate stance about how other people should be treated is a commendable value.
Trying to dig up dirt on someone to ‘earn’ yourself some clout is a ghoulish betrayal of those values.
Be kind where possible, of course, but never forget to protect yourself.