Deciding what to name your child can be a fairly long, and arduous process.
To begin with, it’s very rare when a couple instantly agrees upon a name.
Not helping matters, friends and family, who really have no say as to what the child should be named, still have an opinion, and often find no shame in sharing it.
The youngest sibling of Redditor slaterbabe10 recently welcomed her first child.
Upon learning what the child’s name was, however, the original poster (OP) was shocked to say the least, as it was a name that held a very special, and poignant meaning with her family.
As a result, the OP was not afraid to confront her sibling about her choice of name, starting a rift in their relationship for doing so.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for Not Being Happy About Nibbling’s Name & Telling my Sibling?”
The OP explained why she was not at all pleased by her youngest sibling’s choice of name for her first child:
“I am the oldest of 5- (49 F[emale]).”
“Several years ago, my next in age sibling, lost a toddler to a horrible accident- all the siblings (us) were bed side as all heroic measures were stopped.”
“I’m a medical field worker and I was traumatized by how ‘not peaceful’ the passing was— at the time, my youngest sibling present was 12/13.”
“Fast forward, that youngest sibling just delivered and gave the baby the same name as the one who died.”
“WITHOUT discussing with ANYONE.”
“Not even our sibling who lost the child.”
“They all live in the same town- I gave it a month to try and absorb new memories of a perfect baby that has a name related to so much familial trauma.”
“After the death of the original’ my sib fell into serious drug use, gave up custody of her 2 remaining children, was diagnosed schizophrenic (and 100% is), did prison time, and now ‘hides’ because government holograms are chasing her trying to give her back her dead child.”
“I finally messaged my sibling (with new baby) and asked WHY she didn’t ask if it was ok to use the name?”
“I reiterated that I love them, am so proud of them, that new baby is absolute perfection/and I admitted it’s tough to try to get close.”
“I can post the exact message if needed— but, this sib is now ignoring me.”
‘Was ITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting her youngest sister owing to her choice of name.
Everyone agreed with the OP that her sister should have at least consulted the sibling who lost the child before giving her own child the same name, particularly owing to the older sibling’s unstable condition, with others agreeing that the motives of the OP’s sibling were anything but innocent.
“NTA.”
“I’m more worried about the new baby now because you said the sibling that lost a baby thinks that the government holograms are chasing her trying to give back her dead child.”
“What will happen when she realizes there is a child with the same name as her dead child that’s alive and well?”
“Will she harm the child?”
“Will other issues occur?”
“Seems like your other sibling is not only cold-hearted for giving the child that name but hasn’t really thought of what would happen with your not-stable sibling.”- Interesting-Two946
“They didn’t discuss it because they knew you’d all be against it.”
“For a good reason.”
“That sibling is a huge AH.”
“NTA.”- FunnyGum0_0
“NTA The mom who lost her child in OP’s situation CAN’T advocate for herself, so her family absolutely has the right to do it for her.”
“My sister ASKED our aunt if she could name her daughter after our cousin who was killed in a car accident.”
“Our aunt said yes.”
“She never would have done it otherwise!”- CurvyCrabDragon
“NTA.”
“I don’t think the youngest sib gets a pass just because they experienced the trauma too.”
“I’m sure they did reuse the name in earnest to try to cope with/honor/unpack this complex and ongoing situation.”
“But there’s so many more in the family than just them, and it just feels not well thought out.”
“Their child is now going to grow up with a name that’s tied to very dark family history and may carry around some of that baggage.”
“Also, by default is it not frowned upon to use a sibling’s kid’s name for your own, especially a dead one?”
“Unless it’s a family name.”
“I think it would’ve been alright to use it as a middle name, but a first name is just too much imo.”-Dense-Eagle-1238
“I’m a firm believer in minding your own business when it comes to the names of other people’s children, but this falls well outside of that rule.”
“NTA.”
“What your youngest sibling did was hurtful in the worst possible way…not only to do this but to spring it on everyone.”
“The sibling that lost her child is still severely reeling and probably always will be.”
“Youngest sibling may have been aiming for closure, but they landed on pure cruelty.”
“However, now that you have addressed it with them, the best thing to do is move on and not mention it again.”
“No more lectures, no more gossip, and no being awkward around the child as they grow up.”
“It’s going to be difficult.”
“Your strong feelings will persist.”
“But what’s done is done, and your job is now to love this new little person unconditionally.”
“Only you can decide how close you want to be with your youngest sibling moving forward, but whatever happens, that is now kiddo’s name and it is not kiddo’s fault.”
“They should never overhear or be made to feel that their family despises anything about them.”-Nemesis0408
“NTA.”
“It was insensitive given the depth and severity of the trauma.”
“No one owns a name but she has put a permanent sadness attached to her child that will always be in the back of the family’s minds.”
“Not to mention the potential consequences given your other sister’s mental state.”
“You were extremely mature about it, given the circumstances.”
“She chose a controversial name in the family without consideration of anyone’s else’s feelings on it.”
“What a weight to put on an innocent child.”- TheSuperAlly
“I was honestly leaning NAH until I read what your sibling who lost the child went thru after the loss.”
“Yeah, I think that other sibling is a HUGE AH.”
“NTA OP.”
“I’m sorry your family went thru/is going thru that & now has had to have old wounds opened.”-giraffeperv
“NTA.”
“That was so incredibly cruel of your sister.”- StarFlyght
“NTA.”
“What they did was insensitive and inconsiderate.”- KronkLaSworda
“NTA.”
“My cousin was very close to her niece; they were the same age.”
“The niece died at 17 in a terrible car accident.”
“We were all crushed.”
“My cousin named her first daughter after her niece who passed.”
“She asked her brother; everyone was ok with her choice.”
“There are ways to do things.”- No_Mathematician2482
“Using the originals name as a middle name would have been a more appropriate and acceptable way to honor their memory.”
“NTA OP and definitely a tough spot to be in.”- Wild_Sentence3325
“NTA.”
“The schizophrenic sibling may not be the only one with mental health issues.”- Federal-Subject-3541
“NTA.”
“I suspect your sibling was trying to honor the memory and had good intentions but there is a road paved with those and she should have checked first to avoid trauma.”- Westcountrybookish
“Never a good idea to go with the first name and not the middle name as a memorial.”
“Because everyone will have to use the dead persons name over and over.”
“Feeling the sting over and over.”- Forsaken-Fail-1840
“NTA.”
“That sibling was probably maybe not old enough to understand the magnitude of what happened.”
“But should be old enough to know that it is a touchy subject now.”
“That name holds someone special lost in a terrible way.”
“It’s not your great grandma who passed away at 93.”
“People will have reactions and that can be up to not being able to bond properly with nibbling.”
“Maybe you weren’t the first one to mention it to her and that’s why ignoring you?”
“Wondering if they maybe thought it was a great idea and thought it would be a cute surprise or if it’s like a thing of trying to look so good by naming her baby after a deceased relative and maybe it’s not turning out the way they thought.”
“Was it a common name like Emma or Luke?”
“It wouldn’t change my vote but I’m wondering if it was a common name the couple loved and didn’t thing the name through fully as sibling was too young to grasp the whole of the situation.”- AlainnJuly
It would have been one thing if the OP’s sister told the whole family she intended to name her child as a way of honoring their late nibling’s memory.
But taking them all by surprise like that was a serious miscalculation.
One can only hope the family finds a way to remain close and the OP’s other sibling doesn’t spiral downwards any further.