It’s always a challenge when your friends make more money than you do.
Redditor swellboi faced this dilemma, when her financial situation resulted in her making a change of plans that left her friends livid.
Seeking feedback on a hypothetical “Would I Be the A**hole” (WIBTA), the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA if I refuse to pay for a trip I’m not going on?”
The OP first explained how she had agreed to take part in a girls trip, right before an unfortunate change in her situation.
“One of my best friends, Amy, is turning 30 in a couple months.”
“She and one of her childhood friends, Nancy, decided to do a joint celebration.”
“They decided they would get their mutual friends, plus each of their own current friends, to rent a house in Miami for a long weekend.”
“About 15 people said they would go, including me.”
“After I RSVPed, I was laid off.”
“A total shock, they cut the entire city’s branch of my company.”
“During the shock and aftermath of this, Nancy booked the airbnb and venmoed everyone their share (almost $300).”
“The trip is about a month away at this point.”
“I became extremely torn on if I should still go.”
As the OP learned more about the plans for this trip, what she needed to do became increasingly clear.
“What tipped my decision was that all of the girls started planning what to do in Miami.”
“They wanted to book a table at some famous club, and it would be $2,000 PER PERSON just to book the table.”
“That’s not even including drinks or whatever else.”
“They started making it clear they want to do really nice dinners/outings while there.”
“Then Amy started bouncing around the idea of renting a yacht.”
“I don’t even know if I could afford all this even with my job, definitely not after being freshly laid off.”
The OP hoped her friends would be understanding of her current financial situation, but was in for an unpleasant surprise.
“I told the group I was backing at out and I’m so sorry, but was met with what I can only describe as fury hidden behind little bitchy comments about how I still have to pay because Nancy already venmoed everyone and they aren’t recharging everyone (next to little passive aggressive smiley faces).”
“The callousness of it all really rubbed me the wrong way so I basically said too bad I’m not paying and you can’t make me.”
“I then got a call from Amy claiming she is humiliated because all of Nancy’s friends have been cool with everything and one of the only few that are solely her friends is making things difficult.”
“I told her I’m sorry but it makes no sense that I have to pay $300 for a trip I’m not even going on, and I did the math and it would only be $13 more per person to cover my backing out.”
“Which seems like nothing compared to what they’re all planning to pay for other things.”
“She said it’s not about that. I committed.”
“Everyone agreed to their shared amount.”
“It’s not fair to make Nancy now go back and charge everyone more.”
“I basically reiterated too bad, I’m not paying.”
“She became extremely upset with ‘how I’m treating her and speaking to her.'”
The OP then turned to her mother, hoping she might understand.
“I called my mom later and told her the story and she agreed with them.”
“She said yes it sucks but I DID commit.”
“I DID agree to pay my share.”
“It ISN’T their fault that something happened causing me to back out.”
“She said $300 isn’t worth losing a friendship over, and its way less than what I would be paying if I went.”
“Now I’m conflicted.”
“It makes no sense to me why on earth I have to pay $300 for a trip I’m not going on, especially when enough people are going that my backing out is only a $13 increase for everyone else, but apparently I am the only one who thinks this.”
“So I need to know if I’m crazy or being an a**hole by refusing to pay.”
“Edit to say: I do not know these people.”
“I only know Amy and one other girl who seems to have decided to stay out of it.”
“I have literally never met anyone else.”
“Lots of advice to “ditch these toxic friends” or ‘expect these friends not to invite me anymore’ but that’s not what the issue is here.”
“My obligation here is to a bunch of strangers (half of which Amy doesn’t even know) and Amy.”
“Edit 2: lol no I did not do the math wrong (these girls absolutely would have let me hear it if I did).”
“Neither $300 or 15 are exact numbers.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors were in firm agreement the OP was not the a**hole in this particular situation.
There was a fairly unanimous consensus the OP had every right to back out of a trip she could no longer afford, and her friends should have been more sympathetic.
“You committed to going on a trip but you got laid off.”
“You cannot afford it anymore.”
“These girls should understand that.”
“However, they also seem to think it’s a huge inconvenience to Venmo money a second time.”
“Honestly any friend who ditches you because you backed out of a trip because you got laid off isn’t a real friend.” – GreatWhiteNorthExtra
“NTA, In my opinion.”
“Yes, you committed, but that was before you lost your job, and before you knew you’d be spendings thousands of dollars on this birthday.”
“It’s shocking that they would still try and make you pay, when you are telling them at least a month in advance that you don’t want to go coupled with the fact you list your job.”
“Sounds like a waste of money, I would do the same.”
“Furthermore, it’s not what you say it’s how you say it.. maybe when you told them you didn’t want to go it came off as rude?” – According_Answer_552
“NTA at all.”
“What is $13 when you book a $2000 table?”
“Besides you lost your job.”
“You can’t just put yourself into debt because a bday party.”
“If your friend can’t understand that, well too bad.”
“Also it shows she is not your friend.”
“Her as a friend should be the first one to get your side.”
“It’s hard losing a job, I also lost mine, too.” – irishlife2016
While some were more sympathetic to the OP’s friends, and the idea she had previously committed to the trip, they also acknowledged if they could afford the many pricey outings they were planning, they could also afford the $13 which would cover the OP’s portion.
“NTA- ONLY because they seem super rich and wasteful with money.”
” If they have $2000 each to book a f*cking table, then they have $13 to cover you backing out.”
“But you did commit!”- Ashamed-Arugula1956
Several Redditors even wondered if these were really the kind of people the OP should want to have as her friends.
“NTA at all.”
“Your friends sound like really mean people.”
“Not to mention that instead of being concerned about your job, they were concerned about some money they wont get anymore.”
“If they can afford the 2000 dinner they can afford 13 bucks.”
“I highly disagree with your mom, thats not a friendship and definitely not one to hold on to.”- FloofyButtCat
Indeed, the lack of compassion from the OP’s friends is pretty surprising, particularly after losing her job.
One can only hope this doesn’t cause irreparable damage to her friendship with Amy.
One also hopes the OP will find another job soon.