Many children worry about their parents preferring their older or younger siblings to them.
In most cases, these fears are completely unfounded and stem from one, simple incident, such as their sibling being allowed to do something they were not allowed to do.
In some unfortunate cases, however, these fears prove to be sadly accurate, and the accompanying hurt and resentment will likely stay with these children well into adulthood.
Such seemed to be the case for Redditor Away-String7572, who felt she was always growing up in her older sister’s shadow.
As a result, when her sister asked her to help chip in on a gift to commemorate an important milestone for her parents, the original poster (OP) had not even the slightest bit of trouble saying no,
After being called out for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to help my sister throw a party and pay for a gift for our parents 30th wedding anniversary?”
The OP explained why she was less than eager to celebrate her parents as an important milestone was approaching.
“My sister (29 F[emale]) is our parents’ favorite.”
“They have tried to hide it over the years, but for almost all of my (26 F[emale]) life it has been made perfectly clear that my parents care more about my sister.”
‘They know her favorite food, favorite color, favorite band and generally things you’re supposed to know about the people you are very close to/family.”
“But they have always tended to forget mine and just give me my sister’s favorite things.”
“Other family members have pointed it out to them.”
“My grandpa, who was the best to me growing up, called them out in front of everyone on more than one occasion for it.”
“Like when I was 8 and they had a birthday dinner with my sister’s favorite dinner instead of mine.”
“Grandpa was like ‘wth is this, why did you make sister’s favorite instead of [the OP’s]’.”
‘My parents were all flustered and said it was just a silly mix up.’
“I’d say of the 16 birthday dinners I had with them, 15 of them were my sister’s favorites and not mine.”
“The 16th one was only right because grandpa forced his way into the kitchen to help that year.”
“I was always a gamer and a reader.”
“My sister loved makeup and dolls.”
‘My birthday/Christmas gifts were often makeup and dolls.”
“When people used to ask them what I wanted to be they’d say what my sister wanted to be.”
“I have brought up to them on multiple occasions that it hurts my feelings but they never change.”
“So I started to become more distant from my parents and don’t make the effort I used to.”
“My sister has acknowledged that she’s aware of this stuff.”
“But she still wanted me to help her throw a party for their anniversary and to go half with her on this really expensive gift she wants to get them.”
“She told me about it over Christmas.”
“The anniversary is in April.”
“She wanted to go all out but I told her I’m not doing anything that big to celebrate them and will not be putting all that effort in when they never make it with me.”
“She told me that this would be helping her too.”
“I told her she wants me to help her celebrate the people who show clear favoritism between their kids.”
“She doesn’t see the big deal.”
“We argued.”
“She told me I was being childish and that I’m unfair to her/them.”
“She told me if I don’t help with the party and the gift I am publicly shaming our parents and leaving it all on her shoulders.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to chip in on her sister’s lavish gift for their parents.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s parents deserved the taste of their own medicine she was giving them, while others pointed out that even if her parent’s hadn’t been neglectful of her, it was presumptuous of her sister to expect her to go halfsies on the present.
“NTA.”
“Give them make up and dolls.”- Status-Pattern7539
“NTA.”
“Favoritism or not you don’t have an obligation to pay expensive gifts to your parents or to throw big parties.”
“It is nice if you can afford it and if you have a good relationship with them, but not a given.”
“Your sister calling you unfair when it was your parents showing clear favoritism is laughable.”
“Did your sister ever stand up for you?”
“Not that it was her role, but it would have been nice.”
“Her behavior in this situation is really selfish.”
“It’s about what she wants and what your parents want, disregarding what you want once again.”-Timely_Proposal_1821
“NTA.”
“You are not required to do anything.”
“Period.”
“Yes they are your parents, but it’s been clear all your life, and not to just you, that you were always number 2.”
“I would not split the costs financially at all.”
“If she wants help maybe offer to help set some things up, but I don’t feel like you need to go all out for people who never did for you.”- VampireBride
“NTA.”
“Ask them what they want and do the opposite.”
“Seriously, your sister knows that she will get all of the attention for doing this.”
“All she wants is for you to help to fund her big moment with them.”- diminishingpatience
“NTA, and I’m surprised you’re still keeping in touch with them.”
“You aren’t obliged to give your parents anything just because they made you.”
“I hope you are surrounded by better people now.”- LetsRockDude
“NTA she’s the favorite child she doesn’t care/understand the hurt at all.”
“You shouldn’t help with anything that has to do with either of them.”
“You are not doing anything wrong.”
“Don’t let her guilt you.”- StrikingStruggle1317
“Please don’t chip in with your sister.”
“she will take all the credit.”
“Your parents will brag it and says its from your sister.”- brokenoldestchild
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t want to put that much thought and effort into people who seemingly have no interest in me.”
“Also, don’t know if it’s a British thing but as far as I’m aware kids don’t really get involved in parents anniversaries beyond an acknowledgment with a card and flowers or other smallish token.”
“To me an anniversary is something special between the partners.”
“I get 30 is a milestone but still.”- MumbleSnix
“NTA.”
“I think you feel neglected in your childhood and that is a valid feeling.”
“If you don’t want to contribute than don’t.”- NetOdd8878
“NTA.”
“She may have this great idea but it’s her idea, doesn’t make it your responsibility.”
“She doesn’t and they don’t get to spend your money.”- yachtiewannabe
“NTA.”
“Your parents sound horrible, I am so sorry.”
“You should not feel guilty not wanting to give back to people with this much disrespect to their own child.”
“And your sister is terribly insensitive as well btw.”-Gewitched
“NTA, don’t let your sister guilt trip you into it.”
“She wants to throw a BIG party?”
“She gets all the responsibility and credits.”
“You don’t even have to attend.”
“Or maybe go to talk to the family who do you good.”
“I so hope your grandfather is still alive.”
“Keep your grandfather in mind every time you have trouble making decisions.”
“Even if your grandfather is deceased.”
“My deceased MIL came through supporting me during the divorce, saying she wasn’t proud of how her son was treating me at the time.”
“You buckle up and remind them what your grandpa said and did for you and how they refused to learn.”
“You don’t owe your sister or parents anything.”-DutchPerson5
“There is no way you’re wrong here.”
“Your parents couldn’t even be bothered to know who you are, what your interests are, what food you like.”
“This level of favoritism absolutely sucks.”
“They made literally no effort during your childhood.”
“If your sister wants to throw a party, fine.”
“You do not have to be involved in any way.”
“Not for any reason.”
“It’s easy for your sister to say you’re wrong because she didn’t have to spend her whole life feeling like second best.”
“NTA.”- TrayMc666
“You’re NTA, but I wonder if they will even notice if you don’t show up.”- Umiel
It is indeed fairly confusing that the OP’s sister assumed she would be willing to chip in money for an expensive present without asking her first.
Particularly as she seemed to be well aware of the way they treated her and made her feel growing up, and likely would not be too inclined to celebrate their parents in any capacity.
It’s sad to think this all might have been different if the OP’s parents remembered her favorite food even just once.