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Woman Refuses To Cancel Her Wedding After Her Older Sister Complains About Not Marrying First

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Redditor Juliieisnotaghost is a 25-year-old woman who announced to her family that she got engaged to her 23-year-old fiancé.

But not everyone in the family was happy about the news, and it had nothing to do with the person she was choosing to marry.

The Original Poster (OP) visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit after causing family drama and asked:

“AITA for refusing to cancel my wedding because of my sister?”

The OP explained:

“So, I and my fiancé known each other since we’re kids. We dated for two years and we are very happy together.”

“The day he proposed to me was the happiest day of my life. We intend to get married next year, when the world is a little more normal.”

“The problem started at a family dinner when we announced to everyone that we’re engaged. My older brother and my younger sister (who is also my best friend in the world) were immediately excited and my sister came jumping with joy to congratulate me, but my older sister was very upset.”

“She didn’t accept the fact that I was going to get married first than she was.”

“My older sister pulled me aside and asked me to postpone the wedding until she could get married first. She thinks that, being the oldest, she should get married first that me. I said no, that I wasn’t going to do that because it wasn’t fair to me or my fiance.”

“She doesn’t even have a fiancé and I don’t want to have to wait until she finds someone, spend time with that person, be asked to marry, get engaged, get married so that I can get married.”

“My older sister started to cry and say that it would be very humiliating for her if I married first and that it would be like destroying her.”

“My parents and some uncles ran to comfort her. My mom asked me if I couldn’t postpone the wedding a little, for my sister’s sake. I again denied it and said it was going to happen.”

“Now my parents and many of my family members are bombarding me with messages and calls asking me to cancel the engagement and calling me an a**hole for refusing. They say that if my fiance and I love each other so much, we can wait a little longer.”

“The only ones who stayed with me were a few uncles, my grandparents, my brother and my younger sister.”

“I don’t want to humiliate my sister or make her sad, but I don’t think it’s fair what she’s asking me.”

“AITA here?”

Strangers of the internet were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

A majority of Redditors said the OP was NTA and was entitled to have her wedding.

“NTA, your sister and parents are being ridiculous. Ignore them and have your wedding, with or without them.”commissionerdre

“This 100% hate to say it but if all she cares about is gettin married first and not celebrating your happiness, best not invite her to the wedding.” – xinxinhua

“If all she cares about is getting married first, find someone out for a green card and have a good prenup. P*ss off to Vegas and boom!”

“She can also get the first STI, first unwanted pregnancy and divorce first.”

“Being first doesn’t mean being better.” – tea_in_the_garden

“Sorry that you think birth order might mean wedding order. How far would you take this? Not having a child until she does? Not buy a house until she does? Not take a high paying job until she takes one that pays more?”

“You are NTA.”

“Be well and enjoy your future.” – ifartalot2

“What if she never gets married? Then you must die an old woman unmarried? What’s next that you have to wait in line for?”

“Sucks that she’s upset but if she’s an adult she’ll get over it. It’s petty of her to ask u to waylay your own happiness on the off chance that ‘one day(maybe never)’ she’ll get married.” – AngryKami

“It’s the 21st century, not some Jane Austin novel, and birth order means nothing in the modern world. OP is definitely NTA.” – Far_Administration41

“My baby brother has been married for 14 years. If I asked anything like that when he got married, he would have laughed me out of the room. And my mom would have whacked me over the head. And I’m still single.”

“That older sister is ridiculous and needs a reality check. Along with several members of the family apparently. NTA” – catappreciator7

“Sister doesn’t even have a boyfriend. It could be 5 years before she gets married, but what if she never does? Should OP and her brother and other sister never get married too?”

“Sister can pound sand. She’s an entitled AH who thinks everyone needs to plan their lives around her. No, just no.” – WeeklyConversation8

“I’m second born with 2 teenagers. Neither of my sisters ever married. Everyone’s on their own journey – start yours.”

“NTA.” – letsgocactus

“On the plus side, you can’t die until she does too. Might be worth it.” – hananobira

“Why should you have to wait? Why can’t she wait? This idea that the oldest should marry first is ridiculous. Life is short: if you and your fiancé are ready to get married, make it happen.”

“You’re not a bad person just because your sister hasn’t found someone. NTA” – slytherinchica1

“NTA. Your sister and family are crazy. Is there some kind of cultural aspect that’s driving this belief that she should be first? Or is she just thinking that as oldest she gets to have all the ‘special events’ first?”

“Even if you were to acquiesce to her demands, what is next? She tells you and fiancé not to have a kid and that she gets to have the first grandchild?”

“I would make sure you password protect your plans going forward, not allowing her to be alone with your dress, etc. Maybe I have been on here too long, but the stories of the crazy people resort to when they don’t get what they think they should is astounding.” – jemmls4

In response to the above comment, the OP replied:

“We are Brazilian and in our culture there is nothing to say at what age we should get married.”

“She just believes that, being the oldest, she must be the first in everything.”

Redditors continued mentioning the possibility that it could be a few years until the older sister marries—if at all—and forcing her younger sister to hold off on her own impending nuptials was unreasonable.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo