It can be difficult navigating through parenthood.
One of the important responsibilities is to make sure your children only have relationships with healthy, supportive, and safe adults. This extends to family.
Redditor AITAgrandparent found herself in a difficult situation, so looking for some outside input she turned to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for some feedback.
The original poster (OP) AITAgrandparent asked:
“AITA for not letting my dead friends’ parents see their grand son?“
She explained the situation saying:
“I (31f) was best friends with Alexis (deceased 3 months ago, 31f), we had been friends since we were 9/10. Alexis was a single mum of 2, a daughter who was born deaf and is now 11 and a son who is 6.”
“Alexis never had anything nice to say about her parents, she was kicked out of home at 16 and ended up living with my family because, as her dad said to mine ‘she’s old enough to sort her own shit out’ and that she was a waste of space. She ended up going no contact with her parents after that.”
“About 4 years ago her parents reached out to rekindle a relationship and she agreed to let them meet her and her kids. The ‘rekindled’ relationship only lasted for a month because her parents were rude towards her daughter calling her an r-slur and saying she would’ve been better off born dead.”
”They also showed clear favoritism towards her son and would buy him expensive gifts and ignore her daughter. Alexis got sick of their behavior, gave them 3 warnings and then went no contact again.”
“About 2 years ago Alexis was diagnosed with an advanced stage of ovarian cancer. She had an immediate hysterectomy and started chemo but it had already spread to several other organs and her spine.”
“We sat down and I agreed to take her kids after she passed. They get along great with my daughter(7) and my stepson(11 – who had learnt asl so he could talk to Alexis’s daughter).”
“In her will she explicitly stated that she didn’t want her parents to have anything to do with her kids.”
“So now Alexis has passed and both kids have moved in with my family.”
“Since the funeral Alexis’ parents have repeatedly reached out and asked to see their grand son. I have repeatedly refused.”
“They are proceeding to slander me all over [social media] and have been hassling my husband and the kids’ schools. My husband agrees I’m doing the right thing but some of the other parents are divided and say that I’m being cruel keeping them from their last memory of their daughter.”
“AITA for continuing to say no?”
Redditors were asked who they thought was right by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were supportive of OP deciding that she was definitely NTA.
“Even if you were being the a**hole in this situation, which you aren’t, This is a final request in somebody’s will regarding the treatment of their children. There is nothing more important they could have cared about more.”
“Honouring her final request is the most important thing you could possibly do, and nothing is going to win against that. Every person that tries to make you feel bad about it is a badge of honor and a reminder that you are doing the right thing.”~TheMisterSage
“NTA – I 100% agree with this. I know schools are better with it now, but all it takes is 1 misinformed teacher and the grandparents could pick up your friends little boy. Make it very clear to the school, friends parents, clubs etc that the grandparents are not allowed around your friends kids.”~StanLee151115
”Agree 100%. Your bestie left her babies in your care because she KNEW that you would do what was best for them with love. As difficult as this is I want to thank you for standing up to these people. You are protecting these children and it is such a shame that people are believing their false narrative.”
”Thank you and your Husband for continuing to raise these wonderful children. Please tell your 7 year old daughter and 11 year old stepson that we are so proud of them. They have shown more maturity than these “grandparents” have. Finally, I’m so sorry for your loss. You pretty much lost a sister. I send you guys my love. God Bless. -NTA.”~Lupiefighter
”NTA, I noticed they only want access to the grandson, not the granddaughter. They’re still the same toxic people.”~likeahike
“NTA. Talk to the attorney that handled your appointment as guardian about what your rights are and how you can restrain them from harassing you.”~sparkledotcom
”NTA never the AH for protecting children against abuse.”~justobsolete
”NTA. Your friend’s boundaries regarding her family should still be honored, even beyond the grave. You are being an amazing friend. It’s really disgusting of her parents to drag your husband, the schools, and the kids into this mess.”~catladywithallergies
“NTA for oh so many reasons. Firstly, you are honoring your friend’s wishes. Her parents have shown again and again that they are not to be trusted.”
”Secondly, even now they are only asking for contact with the grandson. They don’t care how this will affect their granddaughter at all. They are incredibly selfish and need to be kept far away from both kids. Thank you for being such a fantastic friend!”~Parking-Sense-7718
“NTA. You are standing in for Alexis and protecting the children as she would have. Keep records of the actions taken by her parents and stick to your plan. Make sure they are not allowed to take them out of school, explicitly state this in writing to the school in case some soft hearted idiot is conned by these people.”~EquivalentTwo1
”NTA because you are respecting your friends wishes. To anyone who says anything besides NTA – what positive outcome would come out of letting the grandparents in? Other than drama for OP and more trauma for the kiddos?”~AdeptHumor9203
We wholeheartedly wish the best for OP and her children, bonus and biological.