Kids will be kids, as the saying goes.
Indeed, sometimes we do have to allow for a tiny bit of leeway for badly behaved children, as it’s one way they learn the difference between right and wrong.
There are certain behaviors, however, which simply should never be tolerated, and often aren’t just a common trait of childhood, but rather a sign that something more serious might be going on.
Whenever the brother of Redditor childofthecorn101 paid a visit with his girlfriend, it would often turn into an “all hands on deck” situation, owing to the unruly, often disturbing, behavior of the girlfriend’s son.
Things finally got so bad that the original poster (OP) eventually gave her brother and his girlfriend an ultimatum for any future visits.
One which her brother’s girlfriend didn’t appreciate in the slightest.
Wondering if she was being insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for banning my sister in law’s son from my house until she finds out what’s wrong with him?”
The OP explained that after one too many tense and stressful family gatherings, the son of her brother’s girlfriend was only welcome in her home on one condition.
“For context, my (33 F[emale]) husband and I host all our family gatherings.”
“We have a five-year-old daughter.”
“This story also concerns my brother (37 M[ale]) and his girlfriend Stacey (37 F).
“Stacey has a son, George (7) from a previous relationship.”
“George has severe behavioral problems that became evident from the first time we met him.”
“He’s hyperactive, destructive, belligerent, nasty, and his mother can’t manage him.”
“Whenever his mother brings him to family events, we are all on high alert.”
“He has to be watched constantly, especially around any other children and animals.”
“We have not had an event with him present where at least one thing hasn’t ended up broken.”
“He will break plates, throw food, throw tantrums, screaming and swearing and flopping around on the floor, and more.”
“It’s exhausting to have him around and frankly the kid freaks me out.”
“We’ve all kept out of it because he’s not our kid, he’s not even my brother’s kid, so it’s certainly not our place, but our whole family knows there is something not right with him.”
“Earlier this year the family all visited us at our vacation home and George was his usual self.”
“The final straw was him using foul language and saying horrible things to my daughter.”
“My husband stepped in and a crying George played victim to his mother and this caused an argument between my husband and me and my brother and Stacey.”
“I told Stacey we had absolutely had enough and that her child of the corn would not be allowed back in my house until she found out what was wrong with him and had a plan to manage his behavior going forward.”
“At the time, everyone supported our decision because they all said it was high time Stacey recognized that George’s behavior was not normal ‘boys will be boys’ behavior.”
“We haven’t seen them since the summer.”
“About a week ago, we were all locking in plans for Christmas which we plan to spend at a ski resort.”
“Stacey texted me to confirm plans and I asked her what she had done about George.”
“She said nothing official, but his behavior had been getting better.”
“I told her nothing except some kind of diagnosis from a medical professional and a documented plan to mitigate his behavior would get him back in my house.”
“Stacey has since been complaining to everyone that I’m discriminating against her child and that his behavior has improved.”
“She has also accused me of thinking she’s a bad mother because she works, and of disliking her and George because he is not my brother’s child.”
“None of that is true.”
“Everyone is saying I should relent and let them come on the understanding that she is responsible for any damages and will leave if he acts up.”
“I don’t want to bend on this because I don’t want a drama-filled Christmas, or to have to be the bad guy and kick them out around the holidays with no other plans.”
“AITA?”
“To clarify, we own a chalet in the resort and the whole family will be staying at our chalet over the Christmas holidays.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP had every right to ban George from her home and was not the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone agreed that George’s behavior was clearly a very serious issue, and he needed to see a medical professional about it, not only for future visits but for his own well-being.
“NTA.”
“I personally would cancel on hosting the whole family at the resort this Christmas since everyone is pushing you to cave to Stacey.”
“Make it a private holiday for you, dad, and your daughter.”
“Let your extended family make their own holiday plans and even host George in their homes.”-Flat_Contribution707
“If you have to be on high alert with a kid known to be a danger to kids and animals, and he’s only 7.”
“Definitely, getting a diagnosis is the way to go.”
“You can only know how to fully fix a problem better if you know what you’re dealing with.”
“NTA, and especially because if he’s this bad as a kid.”
“It’s only bound to get worse later on.”- CanIPleaseTryToday
“NTA.”
“Honestly, I think everyone is probably at their limit here, but the mom has to recognize that leaving the kid be without getting professional help will only make it worse over time.”
“What will she do once the kid gets too big to control?”
“I’m not sure if you told her this is public or in private, but if it was in public, that might have contributed to her becoming defensive.”
“She should definitely get help for her kid, and you requiring that the kid has help makes sense to keep your own family safe.”- DidntGetOutOfBed
“Tell your entire family via group message that they had agreed with you previously but you understand if they are informing you that they prefer to stay home to host Stacey, George, and your brother.”
“Especially as they couldn’t be informing you who is invited to your home and what rules to implement, particularly any that may affect your own child.”
“NTA.”- Turbulent_Spread_553
“NTA.”
“‘Child of the corn’!”
“Love it.”
“Very apt from your description.”
“No. Little George’s behavior isn’t ‘getting better’.’
“I promise that’s wishful thinking on Stacey’s part, and if you let them in your home for Xmas you will almost certainly have to kick them out again, and there will be drama, more drama, pain, teeth-gnashing, and angst than a dozen Mel Gibson Passion plays.”
“Stick to your guns here, OP.”- Justaf*kingegg
“NTA.”
“I’d give her options though so the family isn’t on your back so much.”
“Also I’d make it clear to the family that any one of them is absolutely free to have George at events in their own house.”
“I’d also have a serious heart-to-heart with brother and Stacey letting them know that you are happy to include George and Stacey in the family but you will not stand by while your child and animals are abused and your possessions are destroyed.”
“She, brother, and son can rent their own chalet or another house/room nearby so they can still participate in Christmas, but can remove George if his behavior is bad and this can be a test run where you can see for yourself if George’s behavior is changing for the better.”
“They can host Christmas themselves and everyone can make the decision on whether they want to join you, husband and daughter on the family vacation or if they want to stay and celebrate with Stacey and brother.”
“In which case, the family can see how his behavior is.”
“They can come to stay in your chalet if they have seen professionals and have a behavioral plan that is signed off by professionals, are responsible for any damages, and keep up with the behavioral plan, if they don’t then they will be asked to leave.”
“Essentially your current condition.”- Meriadoxm
“NTA.”
“You stated your conditions.”
“If you cave now, you will get no respect and will be telling them that bad-mouthing you to others so they put pressure on you is what works and so doing anything on their end is not needed.”
“This would then be their go-to tactic.”
“A bland assurance that he has gotten better isn’t good enough.”
“If he breaks something getting any money will be one more huge hassle for sure, with people singing a different tune and urging you to let it go.”
“Tell anyone pressuring you that you don’t expect to be able to get any compensation from your brother’s girlfriend for damages caused.”
“Would they be willing to give you their word to pay in full in her stead?”
“No?”
“Thought so.”
‘That’s understandable.”
“So why do they expect you to pay on top of risking having an event at your place ruined by the behavior itself, apart from any monetary damages?”
“You hope they understand that while it’s easy to say, you’ll be the one left holding the bag, and she doesn’t deserve any grace here as she’s done nothing to investigate or address her son’s problem behavior.”- jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
It can’t be easy for any parent to have a child who behaves like George.
But ignoring that behavior as if nothing’s wrong or it’s only a phase is not going to be beneficial to anyone, and will likely only make things worse.
Here’s hoping that Stacey comes to realize this before it’s not only the OP’s home that she and George aren’t welcome in.