Trust, safety and comfort is key for every relationship.
There are steps and turns regarding intimacy.
Each partner should be at a certain level to get to the next.
But when one partner is lacking patience, it can lead to trouble.
Case in point…
Redditor Conscious_Coffee_609 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to remove my Prosthetic for my Boyfriend?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (19 F[emale) have a below the knee prosthetic as I lost my lower left leg as a child in a car accident.”
“I move well in it and it in no way hinders my day to day life.”
“I’ve been seeing a guy (24 M[ale]) for 5 months now and things are going great for the most part.”
“The one issue I’d say is that he is insistent on me removing my prosthetic around him.”
“We could be hanging out and he’d suggest I’d be more comfortable with it off.”
“Or heading to bed to have s*x he’d suggest that it may be better to remove it.”
“His suggestions have became requests as I kept ignoring the suggestions.”
“And I finally told him I wasn’t comfortable with removing my leg around him yet as I didn’t feel we were there.”
“My leg, despite the fact I can move well in it, is a source of trauma for me due to bullying and having had past partners be repulsed once I took it off around them.”
“And I told him as much.”
“But all he took from that is I don’t trust him and thinks he’d be swayed and not like me anymore.”
“I don’t take my prosthetic off around anyone except immediate family and very close friends as without it my mobility is greatly decreased.”
“I thought since everything else is going so well he’d understand this but he is upset and angry seeing this as me not trusting him.”
“And thinking he’d ‘do’ something which is why I don’t want to take it off around him.”
“I’m starting to feel some pressure here.”
“I like him a lot and maybe iIm making it into a bigger deal than it has to be?”
“I don’t want to upset him and maybe i’m being unfair?”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, but move on. It sounds as though you’re his kind of ‘kink.'” ~ Dark_Tangential
“The ‘kink’ was my first thought too.”
“I don’t think she needs to necessarily end the relationship.”
“OP should obviously keep her boundaries but perhaps that is a thing one could talk about.”
“She could show him she trusts him in some other way.”
“If her not taking off her prosthetic is really a dealbreaker for him then so be it.” ~ UltimateHorst31
“Anyone who uses guilt trips ‘you don’t trust/love me if you don’t…’ Etc.”
“To get you to disregard your boundaries isn’t trustworthy.”
“Anyone who knows of your explicitly stated stated boundaries who continues to push them is not trustworthy.”
“Anyone who disregards your feelings and bodily autonomy ‘make yourself less mobile and more vulnerable by taking off your leg because I want you to’ is not a good person.”
“Anyone who throws a tantrum about not being trusted at the same depth as an immediate family member after dating someone for 5 months is not showing behavior that creates trust.”
“It doesn’t matter why OP’s boyfriend is insisting on this; he’s 100% in the wrong.”
“I find his behavior concerning, and would encourage OP to proceed with caution if she wants to stay with this guy.” ~ wonderwife
“Abusers control their partners by hiding/limiting access to mobility devices.”
“Able bodied people have their car keys taken, their bikes broken, their shoes hidden, etc.”
“Disabled people have their prosthesis taken away, or their cane put out of reach, etc.”
“It’s despicable, but abusive jerks are like that.”
“NTA, OP. Listen to your gut, keep your boundaries.” ~ distrustfuldiscovery
“I think this is an ending a relationship kind of thing.”
“Kink, or not kink, he is being manipulative, whether because he is immature or because he is an AH.”
“OP doesn’t need to be his therapist or teacher.”
“Why does she need to show him that she trust him?”
“What else does she need to do?”
“She has told him how she feels, and that it is a source of trauma, she has been intimate with him.”
“All of those are signs of trust.”
“Why doesn’t he start showing he trusts her and respect her by accepting her boundaries instead of guilt tripping her?”
“I would be would you if this was the one time thing and he was sulking after the first no, yeah immature, you could work through that.”
“But this is a person that has heard so many times and can’t accept it.”
“And is making OP uncomfortable and the worst part she is questioning herself, she is thinking she might be exaggerating.”
“That is a red flag.”
“He doesn’t make her feel safe or secure and is trying to force her to give her boundaries up while making her feel she is exaggerating. NTA.” ~ SkyLightk23
“A lot of people are raising the kink issue, which I think is totally valid and a true possibility.”
“But, even if this isn’t a kink thing – HE HAS NO RIGHT TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR BODY.”
“Whether it’s your anatomical body or a prosthesis extension of your body.”
“Even putting the kink thing aside, this would be a huge red flag for me.”
“I would tell him one time, ‘No. I will do what makes me comfortable. I don’t need you to tell me what makes me comfortable, I’ll decide that for myself. Do not ask me again.'”
“If he asked again after that, he’s out. NTA.” ~ APFernweh
“You are 100% right.”
“I find funny anyone saying this might not be a deal breaker.”
“When in other posts people ask ‘Why did you marry this guy/girl?'”
“Right here an example, a clear red flag and there is people saying it might not be so bad.”
“OP is asking for help enforcing her boundaries and people are telling her she could prove she trusts him some other way, what the hell, why does she need to prove anything to him.”
“If anything he is proving himself quite untrustworthy.” ~ SkyLightk23
“I was thinking more general control.”
“OP says taking it off reduces her mobility, meaning her boyfriend would have more opportunity to take advantage of her.”
“I hope I’m wrong, but OP I’d trust your gut here.”
“The fact that he’s getting pushy about it, especially in the bedroom, is really unsettling.”
Obviously NTA.” ~ potatosmiles15
“Possibly but I was thinking about that AITA where a guy removed his leg at his friend’s house and a guy thought it would be funny to take the leg and not give it back. Hard pass.”
“OP isn’t comfortable.”
“His pressing could be to let her know he’s not put off by the leg but it’s coming off as him wanting her to take it off for his benefit- sexual or aesthetics or otherwise.” ~ ALostAmphibian
“NTA. He needs to respect where you’re coming from.”
“His pushiness is suspect.”
“Either emotionally immature or he’s got a fetish you don’t know about yet.” ~ Tokugawa
“THIS. You’ve only been dating the guy for 5 months. Time to move on.”
“You’ve already said no multiple times.”
“You’ve already explained to him in detail why you aren’t comfortable taking off your prosthetic.”
“You’ve explained it’s a source of trauma.”
“And he’s still upset?”
“He’s not worth it. NTA AT ALL OP.”
“And please don’t for a second think that you are.” ~ EmeraldBlueZen
“NTA. I’m going to be honest.”
“My first thought wasn’t ‘kink’ (like a lot of other users), my first thought was that he doesn’t want you to be able to easily/quickly escape him if you needed to.”
“Even if it isn’t either of those – it’s your leg, your decision, not his.”
“And his attitude and insistence just reinforces that you are right not to feel like you’re at that level of intimacy with him.” ~ ndcollector
“BOUNDARIES PEOPLE BOUNDARIES.”
“It’s okay to not feel comfortable doing something for/with/around someone.”
“You stated your concern/boundaries.”
“And unfortunately he became aggressive about it.”
“I wouldn’t stand for that.”
“Have a chat with him.”
“Say hey these are my boundaries and respect them or leave.”
“You shouldn’t have to feel forced to do anything that reminds you of trauma.”
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that. But NTA.” ~ Formal_Entrance_7076
“NTA . Run – dont walk – to the nearest exit.”
“The guy has some sort of freaky fantasy built up around you and your prosthesis.”
“Suggestions turned into requests.”
“Will turn into demands very soon and may escalate to him actually destroying your prosthesis or hurting you in an attempt to take it from you.”
“This screams red flags all over the place. Get out now.” ~ Waifer2016
Well OP, Reddit understands and is concerned.
It might be time to rethink your relationship.
Maybe y’all should see a couple’s counselor.
See what happens from there.
good luck and stay safe.