A person’s home is their sanctuary.
Sometimes, people open up their sanctuary to loved ones in need.
But not every houseguest is ideal.
When that particular houseguest is “family,” it can cause a whole lot of drama.
Case in point…
Redditor Public_Pair5540 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my husband I will move back in once my stepdaughter and her family move out?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I married my husband when his daughter, Trudi, was 22, she is now 36.”
“He was 47 and I was 32.”
“I have two kids, 20 and 18 now.”
“Both are away at college.”
“Trudi never liked me and that was fine.”
“She has a mother, and she was a full adult living on her own when we met.”
“Her parents had been divorced for six years when I met her father.”
“We live in a city with lots of tourism, so it was an easy decision to keep my apartment and do short-term rentals when my kids and I moved in with my husband.”
“We also use it for out-of-town guests.”
“Trudi and her husband ran into some financial problems last year.”
“Trudi and her family of four moved in with us.”
“We agreed that after the holidays, I would stop taking reservations for my apartment, and they could move in there.”
“They would sign a lease, and we would ‘rent’ it to them without collecting rent so they could build up rental history and money.”
“Trudi moved in last October. It was hell.”
“She doesn’t help around the house, and neither do her kids.”
“Her husband is working his a** off to get money together for them, so he comes home exhausted.”
“And he is more help than her or their kids.”
“The three of them leave dirty dishes everywhere.”
“Dirty laundry everywhere.”
“The house is just a mess.”
“I have spoken to all of them, including my husband, about this.”
“My son-in-law is the only one who makes an effort.”
“Trudi literally said that I live in her father’s house, so I don’t get to tell her what to do.”
“My husband did not back me up.”
“So I moved out.”
“My apartment is now empty since the holidays are over.”
“I said I didn’t want them treating my property like they were treating my husband’s home.”
“They are all mad at me for leaving and changing the plan.”
“She actually threatened to sue me since they have a signed lease.”
“I told her to go ahead since I could prove that I never got the agreed-upon deposit or first and last month’s rent.”
“Which we were going to ‘cover’ to help them start over.”
“I’ve been here for a week now, and it is great.”
“No noise, no mess, a much better commute for me to my work.”
“My husband has been spending a few nights a week here with me.”
“He wants me to come home and give them the apartment like we agreed.”
“I said I would do that if we went back to his house and it was in good shape.”
“Narrator voice over goes here ‘it was not.'”
“It was disgusting. Like it smelled bad.”
“It was like if five teenage boys were living there with no supervision.”
“She saw me looking around in disgust and said that it wasn’t her fault and that the mess was because they didn’t have their own living space. Yeah, sure.”
“I turned around and went back to my place.”
“I offered to let my husband move in with me if he wants them to have their own space.”
“He won’t because he is retired and likes where he is.”
“So, like I said, they are all mad at me. My husband, Trudi, and her kids.”
“Trudi’s husband is the only one who understands my position.”
“I will no longer agree to let them in my apartment as I will also only move back once they leave.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“My husband has been spending a few nights a week here with me.”
“No. If you want him to take this seriously and deal with them, that has to stop.”
“I offered to let my husband move in with me.”
“Again, No.”
“His lack of firmness, his failure to back you up, that is what created this mess.”
“He doesn’t get to use your sanctuary to evade that.”
“Stop giving him this getaway.”
“Make him live in the squalor that he is enabling.”
“Oh, and NTA, of course.”
“And equally, of course, you’d be insane to let them trash your place.” ~ notforcommentinohgoo
“Yeah, OP, you’re letting him off the hook, just like he lets Trudi off.”
“He won’t ask his daughter and grandchildren to clean up after themselves, then he too has to live in the filth he has allowed to exist.”
“As long as he can take vacations from the mess, he’ll never see the problem.”
“NTA for the decision to move out and not let them have the apartment.”
“YTA for follow through, he’s got his wife on the same days, and Trudi still trashes the home.” ~ Vegetable-Cod-2340
“There is a level of disrespect towards OP that the husband is maybe unintentionally co-signing.”
“I’m not going to lie, if this was me, I would contact a lawyer, he’s letting two generations of his family trash our home and treat me like crap.”
“The least you could do is clean to prove that you won’t trash OP’s apartment, and to have the attitude when OP is willing to lose money to help you get back on your feet is a level of entitlement that’s crazy.”
“If they moved in, they’d never leave!” ~ Vegetable-Cod-2340
“You shouldn’t say it if you don’t mean it, and it doesn’t have to be an ultimatum at this point unless you’re there.”
“But you should be putting him on notice that the current situation is unsustainable and that you didn’t sign up to live with perpetual roommates and be disrespected in your own home.”
“If he is unwilling to make changes, you have to consider the viability of your marriage.”
“This is probably the conversation to have with him at this point while kicking him out of your apartment.”
“Let him stew about it while wandering around his messy house with his ungrateful daughter taking over the domicile.”
“Allowing him the pleasure of your company and refuge of your apartment doesn’t give him any incentive to change anything.” ~ Disastrous_Photo_388
“OP should get everything SHE owns and put in ‘NOT HER HOUSE’ out of ‘NOT HER HOUSE’ until step-entitled slob-brat leaves, in case said slob-brat destroys them.”
“By ‘ACCIDENT’ of course.”
“And if slob-brat stays with her slob-brood and won’t leave, then enabling daddy can spend the rest of his days cleaning up after them.”
“OP should not give her husband any respite by staying with herself.”
“She’s enabling his enablement of his lousy daughter.”
“It seems step-S[on] I[n] L[aw] is the pick of that litter.” ~ StructureKey2739
“Let them be mad.”
“Trudi is a full-on entitled AH.”
“These posts are correct… make him deal with them if he loves you and wants you to stay in his life.”
“They want everything free and won’t even clean up after themselves.”
“Does she work, or is she just home all day, increasing the filth levels?”
“No way in Hell I’d rent them my apartment.”
“They will never leave, and they will never pay a cent… while expecting you to commit fraud on their behalf, and it is fraud to tell banking institution they are paying rent on time and in fall… they get the credit, and nothing gets paid.”
“They’ll be skeptical that they paid you at all.”
“While I might do that for a child who was living up to their responsibilities because they’re going to pay even better when it’s counting.”
“Trudi won’t. What caused their financial issues?”
“I feel confident I could guess pretty easily, but speculation isn’t the answer.” ~ RickMorty1-23
“NTA. Your Husband is going to need to be given an ultimatum, you or them, and stop letting him sleep over, you are letting him get away from it.”
“Make sure you are not paying any of the bills for your Husbands sh*t hole; tell him you won’t move back till they have gone and the whole place has been professionally deep cleaned (He is paying for that)!”
“Question… who actually owns the house?”
“If you are part owner, you should be able to evict them!” ~ Successful_Bath1200
“By you continuing to give your husband a break from the dumpster that he’s currently living with, he’s not going to get angry enough to create change.”
“He gets to keep his daughter happy, and he still has you when he wants you.”
“Why would he change at that point?”
“There’s no incentive to change at all.”
“NTA… but you aren’t being firm enough in your response your husband clearly doesn’t understand that he’s allowing not only your home to be disrespected, but he’s allowing YOU to be disrespected.”
“That’s not ok.”
“Why would you want to go back to that environment at all?”
“I won’t say divorce – but therapy could be a very good option.” ~ Adorable-Substance21
“Given her ‘I’ll sue’ mentality, I’d advise him to have his lawyer serve them with formal eviction papers. NTA.” ~ notforcommentinohgoo
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You have every right to want to live in peace and cleanliness.
It sounds like your husband really needs to start stepping up.
It feels like therapy may need to be a serious option.