Dealing with a parent’s infidelity is a difficult situation no matter the circumstances. But when your parent cheats and wants you to have a relationship with their new partner, it can get even more complicated.
A woman on Reddit ended up in this dramatic situation when her father and wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. So she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by NoteGeneral963 on the site, asked:
“AITA for not wanting to meet my dads mistress?”
She explained:
“I am 33 years old. My parents (mom-60 dad-59) have been married for 35 years and a year ago we all found out my father was having an affair with a girl (31) he was training at his job. The way we found out was the girls husband called my sisters (29) phone looking for our father. When my sister told my dad about the call, he claimed he didn’t know who the guy was but he will take care of it.”
“The guy kept calling my sisters phone. My sister told our mother about the calls. My mom confronted my father and eventually my dad confessed. Soon after this, someone reported my father to his superiors for having an affair with a trainee and he ended up getting suspended from work.”
“My dad then decided he wanted to retire early and ended up doing just that. My parents divorce will be finalized this month. I’m not sure what the mistress has going on with her husband but she’s still married also and has two young daughters.”
“My father wants my sister and I to meet this girl. He asked me only a MONTH after all of this happened. The girl wants to meet us also. They have been going on trips, dinners, together as a family with her kids.”
“The holidays are coming up and I’m assuming she wants to be there for them. He has asked us numerous times. He even went to our husbands to try and get them to convince us to meet this girl.”
“My sister and I refuse to at the moment for many different reasons. We have clearly stated we have no interest in meeting her yet he keeps asking us ‘why why why’ and throws in our face the fact he didn’t like our husbands but he dealt with it and accepted them. My dad has been the best father I could ask for.”
“I’ve always been a huge daddy’s girl bur sadly, since I’m tired of him asking us to meet the girl, I’ve been distant from him. He said, and I quote, ‘You guys are making this hard for me’ which is making me feel like an a**hole. Not to be dramatic but I don’t recognize my father at all right now and I’m not talking physically.”
“AITA for refusing to meet this girl?”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who’s in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Unsurprisingly, most people were on OP’s side.
“NTA”
“I have to admit that I said ‘boo hoo hoo’ when I read that he complained “you guys are making this so hard for me.” No, HE is making it hard. He blew up your family for a lady half his age who was MARRIED with KIDS, and now he is making you feel guilty for not being okay with it.”
“No. His behavior sucks. If he asked once and then let it go, that might be different, but he is pushing you, which is uncalled for. Don’t give in to spare his feelings because he clearly doesn’t care that much about yours since he won’t respect you or your clear ‘no.'” –macladybulldog
“Nta. Hard for him? HARD FOR HIM? What about his wife and kids? His divorce isn’t even finalized and he is moving to make a perfect family again? I’m sorry, but you and your family need to heal before you can even work on his bullsh*t. He did wrong and is now trying to duck the consequences. I could very much be wrong, but he’s giving off narcissistic vibes to me.”
“Do not give in. He’s trying to ignore his wrongs and project them onto you. Work on you and how you feel first. Maybe see a therapist. Heal.” –Fit-Distribution-252
“Blew up the family AND his career. Retired early because he knew he wouldn’t get another job with that on his record.” –Marzipan_civil
“NTA The audacity of your dad is astounding.”
“He sleeps with a woman half his age”
“Breaks every work ethic”
“Breaks his and her marriage”
“Whines to his kids to meet The other woman”
“Takes trips with them like they are a little family and doesn’t Care who he hurts.”
“so you really want to keep this man on your life? If he keeps pushing, then the good old low contact or no contact is on order. I bet he is trying to blend your families. Your poor mom” –Black_kalla
“NTA. He did something terrible, not only cheating on your mother but then with a woman younger than his own daughter! I don’t blame you for not wanting to meet the side chick, it’s just ridiculous of him to expect it of you!” –Alarmed-Hamster-4047
“NTA I wouldn’t want to meet my fathers mistress either ESPECIALLY if I was 2 years older than her and she could be our middle sister That’s disgusting.” –Living_League9919
“NTA. He is a big one though. How dare he put this on you. He blows up all these lives because he can’t keep it in his pants and then turns it around as if it is your issue. He’s acting like a spoiled child and then to top it off he has the gall to drag your husband’s into it? How oblivious can one man be?”
“You do what you need to do. He doesn’t get his way and neither does she. Let them go live their little happy life and maybe one day when he realizes the damage he has done and apologizes you can begin to consider it. Until then? Oh hell no….”
“Frankly I’d rather meet her husband than her!” –MsMediator
Hopefully OP can find a way forward after this.