Whether good or bad, finding the right opportunity to share news can be difficult.
One never wants to completely ruin someone’s day by sharing bad news, nor will it always be fruitful to share good news if it’s not exactly a moment where it’s appropriate to celebrate.
That’s not even mentioning the all important factor of the person with whom you’re sharing the news.
But Redditor maddybirdy thought she had found the perfect opportunity to share what she thought was truly wonderful news with her boyfriend.
But his shocking reaction left the original poster (OP) doubting herself, eventually leading her to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors.
“AITA for ruining my boyfriends birthday party?”
The OP first shared how a milestone in her boyfriend’s life was fast approaching, and how she had been feeling less than celebratory in the days leading up to it.
“My boyfriend just turned 30 on Wednesday and had a big party to celebrate it.”
“I hadn’t been feeling well the last couple weeks leading up to it but I was determined to make his birthday a great one.”
“Due to my job and financial reasons, I haven’t been able to take many days off so I scheduled a doctors appointment the morning of his birthday so I could celebrate in the evening.”
Much to the delight of the OP, it turned out what had been ailing her was very good news indeed.
“I found out I was pregnant during the appointment and was ecstatic.”
“We’ve been trying for a baby for six years and I thought this would be the perfect present for him.”
But once she got home to tell her boyfriend what she thought was the best news in the world, she was unhappily surprised his reaction was less than joyous.
“When I got home, there were a few people already there for the party.”
“I asked my boyfriend if we could speak in private and he ignored me.”
“I asked again and he told me that if it was so important I could wait five minutes while he talked to his friend.”
“So I just told him.”
“He got extremely mad and started yelling in my face about how I was trying to ruin his day and that today was supposed to be about him and not me.”
“He told all the people there to leave and messaged everybody else to not come because I ruined the day.”
“He then stormed out the house and still hasn’t come back.”
“I’m still so shocked and confused.”
“He was so excited to try for a baby but his reaction made no sense.”
“My mom said that while it is a great surprise I probably should have waited as it was his day.”
Fellow Redditors weighed on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were firmly in agreement the OP was in no way the a**hole in this situation.
Most Redditors simply couldn’t believe the OP’s boyfriend would react with anything other than joy at the news he was going to be a father and his birthday seemed an ideal opportunity to tell him.
“‘He was so excited to try for a baby …'”
“Trying and doing are two different things.”
“Apparently, he is not so enthused about the doing part.”
“NTA at all.”
“Good luck raising 2 children.”- NobodysBabyDaddy
“What, his baby isn’t about him?”
“If anything, it should have been double the joy.”
“Gotta wonder what’s eating at him so bad for him to react like this…”-WiseAdventurer
Some even questioned if it was healthy for the OP to stay in this relationship if this is how her boyfriend reacted, regardless of the fact they’re bringing a child into the world.
“First, he ruined his own birthday by being an a**hole.”
“Second, are you sure you want a kid with this guy?”
“I’m not sure what the rest of your relationship is like but he shouted at you after you told him you were pregnant and after you’d been sick for a couple weeks.”
“That’s a red flag.”-KanishkT123.
“NTA and if he thinks this is ‘taking attention away from him’ I really worry about how he will feel when a baby comes into the picture.”
“There are some men out there who end up viewing the baby as competition (for some bizarre reason).”
“Also seeing your other comments, I understand you’ve been together a while and he’s your only relationship but there is a lot of red flags in how you are describing this and him.”
“Most people, especially if they have been trying for years would be ecstatic to hear this news, especially on their birthday.”
“His reaction is a huge red flag.”- bettymoon_
“Do not have a baby with this man.”
“He should have been thrilled and instead he was cruel and disrespectful to you.”
“He’s showing you who he really is.”
“A man who really wanted a child would think your news was the greatest gift he could receive on any day, but especially on his birthday.”
“Instead he acted like a mean, selfish, rude child.”- ghostforest.
“NTA and it’s going to be very hard to raise a baby with someone who throws a temper tantrum when he’s not the center of attention.”- Allaboutbird.
“I don’t care what kind of big day it was.”
“Anyone who yells at you when you tell them you’re pregnant is a walking red flag.”-SalaciousSapphic.
“This is not a healthy reaction to this news.”
“Even if you had not been trying for a baby together for years and he considered it bad news, yelling at you in front of all of his friends and family and kicking them all out of the house is a massive overreaction, and not the way to treat someone you ostensibly love.”
“You did not ruin his birthday, he did that himself with his own childish actions.”
“While this is news that is probably best to share in private, you were justifiably very excited about this news that you have been waiting 6 years to hear.”
“One question though: is this the first time he has reacted in a disproportionate manner to things you’ve told him about? “
“This behavior is concerning, and being pregnant you are now in a vulnerable place.”
“If it’s not the first time something like this has happened, I want you to know that you are absolutely justified in doing whatever it takes to ensure that you and baby are safe and cared for, and you do not owe it to him to stay if you feel unsafe.”
“All the best, and congratulations on the baby!”- dejausser.
Indeed, it’s pretty hard to comprehend anyone could believe their day was ruined at the news they were going to become a parent.
One can only hope the OP will be able to provide a safe and loving home for her child.