Some families see eye to eye. But, more often than not, families are formed of people with conflicting personalities and different beliefs.
Some traditional families will try to force their beliefs onto their children usually has the opposite effect. In most cases the more you push them the further away kids will want to be.
Redditor throwaway370_21 encountered this very issue with her family. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for kicking out my parents and sister for trying to control my life?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Throwaway account because I don’t want my family members/friends to find out.”
“I (22f) moved out of my parents’ house last year to a condo that is 30 mins away. I did this because I hate living with them as they’re very controlling and like to force my siblings and me to follow their beliefs.”
“My oldest sister (24f) is like my parents (i.e., very traditional and controlling).”
“My parents never approved of us getting a boyfriend (they believe in an arranged marriage) and prohibit us from engaging in premarital sex, but I don’t care about this bullsh*t.”
“I’ve had boyfriends behind their backs, and only my youngest sister(16f) knows about it as we are very close.”
OP is currently dating someone.
“I have a boyfriend (23m) whom I have been going out for 8 months now.”
“Yesterday, I invited him over to hang out at MY home, and we had sex. My oldest sister decided to visit me out of nowhere and ‘caught’ us.”
“It pissed me off so much that she visited without notifying me. SHE then started screaming at ME and called me a whore for sleeping around. I tried to make her understand that it was my boyfriend, and even if I was sleeping around, it was none of her business.”
“She didn’t like my answer and proceeded to call my parents to snitch on me.”
“Well, they were pissed, and my mom started going on about how I committed a sin (I’m an atheist, but she doesn’t respect it) and tried to force me to break up with my bf.”
“My dad even started saying how it was time they find a groom for me so that I would behave.”
OP was not having it.
“I kicked them out of my house and told them to only talk to me if they’re willing to apologize to my bf and me for disrespecting us.”
“My mom is now trying to guilt-trip me by stating that she’s my mom and has sacrificed a lot to raise me. I know that she sacrificed a lot, but I’m not too fond of the way she’s treating me. I’m 22, not 12.”
“They’re still pissed and have spammed my phone.”
“My cousins heard about it and tried to force me to apologize to my parents and sister for kicking them out and yelling at them. I refused to do that and blocked them.”
Some people are on OP’s side.
“My youngest sister and bf are on my side. she even called out my oldest sister for being a nosy bitch, but nobody is listening to her as she’s not an ‘adult.’
“So am I the asshole for standing up for myself and my bf?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA”
“You’re not under their roof.”
“I also hate this thing ppl say ‘but..They’re your family.'”
“So what?” ~ tigersmhs07
“OP needs to cut their contact with the family. Also the younger sister , even though is right, needs to handle things more diplomatically if she is going to stay with family for some more time.” ~ Feisty_Concentrate27
“I wouldn’t cut contact with the youngest, incase she wants to get away at some point since they seem to get along. It was the oldest sister who ratted on OP.” ~ roflpwntnoob
“Why punish the younger sister because the older people are a**holes? That is not fair and she shouldn’t do that. At best she should sit the little sister down and tell her she loves her and tell her she plans to cut the rest of the family off.”
“But the family will probably pressure little sister to contact OP. In that case she should ask younger sister to not contact her until she is older and if need be house younger sister to protect her from the rest of the family.”
“Because I can assure you because they think they ‘messed up’ with OP they will arrange a marriage for the youngest as fast as they legally can. If she consents or not.”
“Edit: yes I get it. I misread the comment wrong. Can everyone stop pointing it out. I have responded to 5 of those messages.” ~ Ateosira
Many argued that being family does not mean they can treat OP like that.
“So that magically makes it okay for them to try to control me like this? Being family magically makes it okay for them to disrespect me as a person and overstep boundaries?”
“That I should love them on the basis of being family even though they regularly do that?” ~ Ahstia
“Family should treat each member of family how that member treats them…”
“If your siblings want to invade your privacy but think it’s unreasonable for you to do the same? Well treat them as someone that doesn’t have your best interest at heart.”
“If they had kept this private and said how they don’t approve would be ‘wrong’ but a morality issue, her ‘dobbing on you’ to your parents knowing the fall out shows what she really cares about OP’s wellfare…” ~ TryToDoGoodTA
The OP returned with an update:
“Everyone asked if I was Indian, and the answer to that is yes. I’m Indian but not from India.”
“And my sister got into my house with a spare key I gave her, and I trusted her to use it with my knowledge. But since she breached the trust, I have taken away the key from her and my parents.”
“I don’t think I can go no contact with my parents but thank you, everyone, for your opinion and take on this issue. I definitely will set some distance between us and try to make them understand.”
“But if they still try to be difficult I’ll have to go no contact for a few weeks to make them realize I’m legit about this. Thank you again.”
“As for my youngest sister, she can’t live with me now, even though I would love to take her in. But she’s also planning to move in with me once she turns 18 (my parents are unaware of this).”
OP is the only one that has any say in her sex life.