Content Warning: Domestic Violence, Cheating
When two people get married, entertainment tells us that those two people will be together forever and that they are the last people in the world who would ever hurt the other person.
But the real world is here to tell us that isn’t true. Not only is our partner capable of hurting us, but they’re among the people who could hurt us most in the world, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor im_im06 was shocked when her husband revealed what had been happening in the past few months and what he had to look forward to, without her.
But when the moment became too much for her, the Original Poster (OP) reacted in a way that she later regretted.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for slapping my husband after he confessed to cheating on me?”
The OP’s husband surprised her with a homecooked meal.
“I (24 Female) came home after a long day at work. My husband (32 Male) had made us dinner, which he rarely does.”
“After dinner, he even cleaned up and did the dishes.”
“I was surprised since this isn’t something he usually does without me having to ask.”
“I jokingly asked if something was up and he hesitated before answering.”
Then the ugly truth came out.
“He confessed to cheating on me with a coworker.”
“I was completely shocked. It felt like my world shattered into a million pieces.”
“I asked him how long it had been going on, and he said it had been a couple of months. They’ve been seeing each other on and off.”
“And as if things couldn’t get any worse, he added that she might be pregnant.”
The OP lashed out at her husband at the news.
“That’s when I lost it. My whole world was spinning, and I suddenly felt this rage come over me.”
“I slapped him across the face and called him every name in the book.”
“I told him to take his stuff and get out of the house.”
“He left and has been staying at his parents’ house.”
The OP’s mother-in-law did not take her reaction well.
“His mother has been blowing up my phone, asking me to talk things out with her son.”
“She keeps telling me how wrong it was for me to slap him and how heartbroken her son is over the situation.”
“I haven’t responded yet since I haven’t been able to gather my thoughts.”
“This whole situation just feels surreal to me. I can’t believe the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with, betrayed me like this. Was I wrong for how I reacted?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that her ex-husband deserved every ounce of unhappiness.
“If it wasn’t for his side piece being pregnant, you still wouldn’t know that he was cheating.”
“Don’t let him and his mom gaslight you with all of this ‘he’s heartbroken and sorry’ crap. He broke his own heart, and he’s just sorry his hand was forced to tell you about what he was doing.”
“Get an attorney and an STD exam.” – Prestigious-Bluejay5
“How heartbroken he is?? Wow, what a f**king loser, he got someone pregnant and thinks this can be talked out?”
“See a lawyer and file and tell your ex-mother-in-law to keep her son; she’s about to be a grandma and should focus on that instead of trying to make you stay with a loser.” – WinterFront1431
“Did you see the part where he made dinner AND did the dishes?!”
“That’s the part that gets me.”
“He wasn’t remorseful like, ‘I can’t keep it in anymore, I’m sorry to interrupt whatever is going on but I need to confess now or I’ll implode.'”
“It was calculated (poorly, but still calculated), like, ‘I’ll do something really, really thoughtful and kind. Then she’ll be in a better mood to provide a cushion against the bad news.’ What a loser.” – _Snuggle_Chips_
“This man cheated on his wife, got another woman pregnant, and then has his mom fighting his battles for him! How pathetic. I don’t know how you can know your son had an extramarital relationship and think it’s okay to harass his poor wife. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I guess.”
“Your husband is a disgusting cheater. He also apparently rarely cooks or cleans up after himself if it was so shocking to you that he did that ‘for’ you. It doesn’t seem like he has any redeeming qualities.”
“Divorce his a** and don’t look back.” – suhhhrena
“The only reason he told you was because there might be a baby involved. Otherwise, he would have kept this up. Throw the whole man away.” – aisaiddec
Others agreed and even gave the OP suggestions on what to say to her ex-mother-in-law.
“I would reply with, ‘Congrats, you’re going to be a grandmother. But it’s not me your son got pregnant.'” – the_harlinator
“I’d break the news to future-grandma myself but add a little flare: ‘I don’t have time to talk right now since it seems your son can’t keep it in his pants, so I now have to go get tested for an STD. And do you buy a baby shower gift for your husband’s mistress, I mean future ex-husband and pregnant mistress? I’m not sure of the etiquette.'” – Vixen22213
“Say, ‘Congratulations on being a grandmother.’ [Wait three seconds] ‘Also, it’s not mine.'” – koshgeo
“Have some sympathy for the fella. He might not have thought of his wife while he was sleeping with his mistress for months, but now as a consequence, he might lose his comfortable life! Why does OP have to ruin a good marriage?! (sarcastic comment)”
“Seriously OP, you don’t owe that man anything. He destroyed the marriage.”
“If at all, the only thing his mum should say is, ‘I am sorry my son, who I raised, betrayed you, If you need anything, I’ll be happy to help you wherever I can.'”
“All the best to you, OP.” – Radrouch
“Do not admit to your ex-mother-in-law via text that you slapped him. She’s trying to get you to admit it in writing. Do not discuss the slap, and honestly, no more talking to any of them. Lawyer up and all communication is through the divorce lawyer.”
“The only thing I would say to MIL is, ‘He made his bed, and now he has to lay in it. I’m so sorry he is so sad that he f**ked his coworker for months, possibly getting her pregnant, and definitely losing me, but your precious baby boy isn’t the victim here. I am.'”
“Also say, ‘He decided to cheat for months. It wasn’t an accident. He betrayed our vows and my trust. He broke my heart, not the other way around. He is the villain in this story. He destroyed my marriage.'”
“End with this, ‘It is disgusting that you are boo hoo-ing to me about your sad cheating son, but I am returning him to the mommy factory as he is severely defective. He’s your problem now.'” – Ema630
But others argued that this did not warrant domestic violence, even “just” a slap to the face.
“He is a disgusting, pathetic man. However, if the gender roles were reversed, he’d be accused of assault. I’m also afraid he may disclose this to his divorce lawyer inevitably, thus weakening your case.”
“My ex-husband slapped me, and growing up my mom would. Personally just watching it on TV gives me a visceral, traumatic reaction.”
“While your anger is justified, the slap isn’t. ESH.” – Siya78
“YTA. Two things can be true. You can absolutely be upset that he cheated and knocked her up, and also hitting him is a massive line to cross, and you’re wrong here.”
“Get him away from you, be far from him, take him to the cleaners, etc, but never put hands on a person except for defense. If we condone one side, folks will condone the other.”
“Dudes come here all the time and tell us how his (ex) wife cheated, got knocked up, and made him think the kid was his, and they don’t put hands on them, so I don’t know how anyone is supporting this.” – Asura_Rathalos
“Reverse the rolls. Would it be okay for him to hit you if you cheated? Yell, scream, cry, divorce, whatever… but don’t hit.” – pinkplumberrr
“I mean, your world just basically ended, you were emotionally and physically compromised by this man you were supposed to be married to forever, and I’m sure you felt a whole load of emotions all at once.”
“So NTA, because his cheating is entirely to blame for this situation, which understandably angered you, and you make it sound like it was one slap as opposed to repeated ones or anything else.”
“But also YTA, because violence (no matter how small) can rarely be justified. Your life wasn’t in danger, it wasn’t self-defense, you just lost your temper.”
“I get it, but it’s not right you hit him.” – minimart82
“My kids’ mother cheated on me. Should I have put my hands on her?”
“No! Because NO one should be putting hands on the other person unless it’s for self-defense.”
“The amount of people ‘justifying’ one slap and then b***hing at the MIL is mind-boggling to me. Yeah, MIL is stupid as f**k, but OP is trying to ask a bunch of strangers online if her act of violence can be passed off as okay for whatever reason she wants.” – Altruistic-Wafer4188
The subReddit was incredibly angry on the OP’s behalf and understood how hurt she was at the sudden loss of her marriage and the immediate start of her future ex-husband’s new life.
But some reminded the OP that it was important, no matter how intense her feelings were, to not turn the situation into a physical matter. Unless self-defense was needed, and it didn’t sound like it was in this situation, the OP never should have gotten physical, even if it was only “just one time.”