We’ve all heard enough of those stories about same-sex friendships that when we think of a guy having a female best friend, we have a tendency to cringe.
Because even though those friendships could work and be totally platonic, there are a lot of people who abuse those dynamics and are less than faithful to their romantic partners, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Though she had never suspected anything before, Redditor Calm-Palpitation overheard something concerning at her wedding, enough to make her wonder if something was going on between her new husband and her husband’s female best friend.
When she pretended to be her husband and texted his friend, the Original Poster (OP) found exactly what she was hoping she wouldn’t find.
She asked the sub:
“Would I be the a**hole if I texted my husband’s (female) best friend to see her reaction?”
The OP had never suspected anything between her husband and his female best friend.
“My husband and I have been dating since 2018 and just got married one month ago. We haven’t even had our honeymoon trip yet; it is booked for July.”
“My husband has this best friend from college time. I never had issues with her.”
“That changed at my wedding a month ago when my maid of honor overheard her snapping at another friend of theirs that ‘She has him when she wants him’ when the friend teased her that she lost him and he was the one who got away.”
The OP’s husband’s reaction was less than comforting.
“I told my husband about it a few days ago (I didn’t want to ruin that initial honeymoon phase, but it was still in my head), but he denied anything happened between them.”
“He was very calm when he said it. Almost too calm?”
“Anyway, I have no proof, and I trusted him until I used his phone when mine died.”
“He was driving, and I was making a playlist on his phone.”
“Then I looked through his iMessage, and he had NO thread with her. I mean, I know for a fact that they text. But there was nothing.”
The OP couldn’t get past her suspicions.
“I didn’t say anything, but last night, I literally saw her name pop up amongst the texts.”
“When he went to bed, I looked and there were no texts. He is deleting them!”
“Now my question is: if I ask him, he will deny it. I need to know and I need proof. Would I be the AH if I initiated a conversation with her, acting like I’m my husband and seeing what’s up?”
“I need proof and peace of mind.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Fellow Redditors advised the OP to go with her gut.
“That is suspicious! Check the deleted text folder. Some people forget to clear those out.” – Old-Hampster-4218
“Here’s the thing: no matter what you find on his phone, do you actually want to be married to someone you can’t trust?”
“Marriage is already dead on arrival from the fact that she is snooping in his phone a few days after their honeymoon.” – saranowitz
“You don’t need ‘proof’ in order to confront him, that’s just drama fuel. It doesn’t inherently solve anything at all. Talk to him again and decide if you trust him or not, and then act accordingly.”
“If you need proof for yourself that he’s lying, fine, but I think you know that he is already. Sorry, OP.” – iwannadriveafi
“Listen to your gut. If you feel you need to do this, then the trust is broken.”
“Tell him exactly how you feel.” – DorceeB
“Make sure you’re 100% solid with your proof. It’s not hard to imagine he’ll try to convince you that he’s totally innocent, or that the bestie was the one instigating everything, or that he didn’t tell you she was coming onto him because he knew you’d overreact.”
“He might try to tell you that if you had concerns, you should have just asked him (which you already tried) and why were you going through his phone anyways?!”
“Trust yourself and don’t be taken in by any lies.” – Fly-Fly-Fly
After receiving feedback, the OP decided to move forward with her experiment.
“This is my update: he is cheating.”
“I went through his deleted messages, but it was empty, so he has been deleting the deleted messages as well. I don’t know if there are further steps to find them? I don’t know.”
“For my experiment, I sent her, ‘Wyd’ (What you doing) because this is how he texts when he is bored.”
“She said she was in bed, and I said I (he) was in bed, too, watching ‘Succession.'”
“She asked if I (me) was sleeping.”
“I replied yes. She said it was early and asked if she (I) had at least given him a b**wjob.”
“I said not tonight. She said that she would have ridden all over it if she had been there.”
“I asked (a shot in the dark), ‘Like last time?'”
“She said no. She would have wanted more time than last time because she was very horny.”
“Then it didn’t take long before she started sexting, in a way that made it obvious that they’ve done it multiple times. I ended it quickly because, honestly, I felt nauseous. I didn’t want to sext her.”
“I sent myself all the evidence.”
“Tomorrow I will be moving back to my parents’ place and start the divorce. I will not tell him why.”
Fellow Redditors were sad for the OP and urged her to separate as quickly as possible.
“I would see if you qualify for an annulment ASAP, as in, first thing in the morning. It will save you a lot of trouble if you don’t own a house together (and even if you do, it will still help). You might need to contact a lawyer to be sure.”
“If you can’t get an annulment, get a personal investigator and a lawyer ASAP. Don’t confront him until you get your ducks in a row.”
“Good luck! You’re better off without the d-bag, and on the bright side you didn’t have a kid with him.” – birdie0
“Her spouting off and saying something like that at the wedding reminds me of the lyrics to, ‘I write sins, not tragedies…'”
“Like, haven’t you people ever heard of closing the godd**n door?”
“Honestly though, it’s good that you picked up on this at the wedding and were able to figure him out early enough. Not you know, after kids, buying a new home, etc…” – xjfatx
“Wow, OP. I’m so sorry to read this update. It’s a good thing you found out now though, before y’all spent that much more time together. I hope this process is easy and as painless as possible, you’re better off.” – sunshineshelby2
“Text your family (especially his parents and siblings) and friends the screenshots, and explain that you no longer wish to be associated with your ex while you drive to your parents’ house.”
“Block his number. Explain when you’re safely at your parents’ house first.”
“Then, I recommend posting the screenshots on social media and tagging them both with an explanation that you’re separating from your ex. Take a pregnancy test just to be safe.”
“I hope you know, OP, I’m proud of you for getting rid of this man now before he has a chance to waste your time and peace. You’ve got this.” – that_catlady
“NTA, OP, but you’re absolutely not getting ‘half of everything’ after a 30-day marriage.”
“In the US and the UK, you’ll take back whatever you brought into the marriage if you’ve been living together for less than five years. That includes the time that y’all lived together before the marriage.”
“If y’all bought anything together, then the judge will likely order that to be liquidated and the proceeds split between the two of you, but even that won’t be 50/50. It’ll be in accordance with the resources that each of you put into that purchase.”
“If the payments were split 70/30, then allocation would be 70/30. If you didn’t put any money in at all, then he’ll likely just keep it. Anything else that he owned before the marriage will be off the table.”
“At best, the only thing you’re doing is wasting money. At worst, you’re setting yourself up to get kicked in the teeth by a p**sed-off judge. They don’t care about infidelity these days, and they definitely do not take very kindly to jilted lovers who want to tie up the family court system simply to inflict pain in the other party.”
“Grow up, file an annulment from the creep, and then move on with your life. Dragging this out is not in anyone’s best interest, least of all your own.” – Efficient_Coyote_8301
“Oh honey, a virtual big hug to you. I am so sorry somebody hurt you this way. It is truly evil, especially knowing how they obviously poked fun at you because they were sneaking around. Just disgusting.”
“I am happy you got the evidence that could make you believe it and accept it. This will allow you to begin healing faster. Some people are just evil and con artists.”
“I am so happy that you found out this quickly before you were tied to him with children. You get to move on and find someone as kind, honest, and good, as you are, that will make you happy and genuinely love you. I am so excited for your future.”
“Please keep updating us. We are pulling for you and support you. You are stronger and wiser, best of luck!” – GordonSchumway69
After seeing the results, the OP shared an update in a new post.
“I left him, and now I am writing this from the comfort of my mum’s bed. We kicked out Dad (just kidding, he moved to the guest bedroom to give us some girl time) because I want all the attention now. They have been showering me with food and candy.”
“I left without saying why, just that I wanted a divorce and that I don’t love him anymore. I ended the marriage with a text while he was out because he’s not worth more than that. When he got home, I was gone.”
“I blocked him because I never want to see or hear from him again. I don’t want to know more than what I already found out, I don’t want an explanation, and I don’t want to know when it started.”
“Was it before we met or after? Before we moved in together or after? Before he said he loved me or after? Before or after we got married? I don’t want to know why either, and I don’t want to know why he married me then. I don’t want to know if he loves her or me. If she is better. If it just happened or if it has always been the plan. I’m just letting him go.”
“The rumors started spreading pretty fast, though, because I told my family and friends the truth.”
“So now he is angry, thinking that his affair partner messaged me and ruined our relationship on purpose, so he is bashing her on social media, and she is fighting him back and fighting other friends too.”
“She texted me, saying that I am a h*e who ruined her reputation and friendships and that he never loved me anyway and he married me because I am a dumb h*e. I blocked her.”
“I will deactivate all my accounts for a while.”
“I am getting an attorney. I don’t want an annulment. I don’t think it is possible either. I want half so no annulment!”
For anyone interested in drama, this story had it all: suspicion, receipts, and swift revenge.
But with or without the drama, the subReddit community felt for the OP and what she had gone through. After being in a relationship for so long and suddenly realizing that her partner didn’t value her enough to marry her and commit to only her, it was clear it was time to move on.