When it comes to issues people face at home, big and small, no two people feel the same about who else, if anyone, has the right to know this information.
Some people will confide in close friends and colleagues about even the tiniest issue, such as toothpaste being used without permission, and immediately call these same friends if more serious problems arise.
Others, however, feel it’s best to keep family issues to themselves and don’t share their feelings with anyone, even if it might ultimately help them.
Redditor Sorry_Praline_1270 sadly had a somewhat fraught relationship with her father, so much so that she had no trouble cutting all ties with him.
What’s more, when she ran into someone rather important to her father, the original poster (OP) made no effort to hide her true feelings about him as a father.
Not only putting further strain on her relationship but also affecting her father’s career.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my father’s boss personal information?”
The OP explained how she felt no obligation to hide how she felt about her father when she ran into his boss and the ensuing consequences.
“I’m estranged from my father simply because he married the mother of the girl who was bullying me when we were 8 years old.”
“He was my only parent and hugely let me down and I will never forgive him for subjecting me to having to be family with someone who treated me badly like that.”
“Even though it did eventually get better, I will never ever claim her as my family and I made sure I cut all legal ties (had two family members adopt me when I turned 18).”
“My father never understood my anger at him or why I refused to at least try to make a family with them.”
“He is close with his boss and I was in town visiting some family and he saw me.”
“He recognized me from a few years ago and mentioned how he hoped I would be able to attend the next family day at their job.”
“I said that would not be possible as I am no contact with my father now.”
“He was stunned.”
“He asked what happened and mentioned ‘my sister’ and I told him she was not my sister and that she was actually my bully before dad married her mom and that he married this woman knowing her child was bullying me.”
“I told him that made our relationship unsustainable.”
“He apologized and said he had no idea.”
“Apparently he later confronted my father outside of work and was like how could you never say anything and what kind of father are you.”
“Word is now spreading around people my father knows and works with.”
“He tore into my family members who adopted me (who are his family members).”
“Then he emailed my very old email account saying I had no right to spill such personal business to his boss and it was petty and childish and shows I have no decorum.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for sharing personal information with her father’s boss.
Most agreed that the OP simply answered a question honestly, and since she didn’t seek him out, she didn’t do anything wrong, with others finding it telling that her father was angry about what his boss might think, and not the OP’s feelings and past hurt.
“NTA.”
“If your father doesn’t like the truth maybe he shouldn’t have made it that way.”
“Not like you searched his boss out and just went on a rant about all the things.”
“You bumped into each other and you were only honest with your answers.”
“Truth hurts.”- TheVillageVoice
“NTA.”
“You were asked a question and you answered honestly.”
“If your father is so ashamed for people to know the truth maybe he needs to reflect upon that and the choices he made.”- WaywardMarauder
“Dad’s pissed because he got called out on his sh*tty parenting.”- FloMoJoeBlow
“NTA.”
“All you did was tell the truth, and answer a direct question truthfully.”
“If your dad doesn’t like that answer, then tough sh*t.”
“It’s not your job to protect your estranged father, nor should you be forced into a position of dishonesty to do so.”
“Sounds like your dad is (finally) facing the consequences of his own choices.”
“He was never there to protect you, so why in the world should you protect him?”- MusingAudibly
“Sometimes you can’t help who you fall in love with.”
“But bringing your child’s bully into her own home?”
“Either you create a safe space for your child or you don’t bring that bully into the same space as your child.”
“That’s the least a parent could do.”
“What’s she supposed to do now?”
“Suck it up so the dad can be happy?”
“That’s not even sth you can expect from a child.”
“Parents are supposed to protect their children no matter what.”
“OP lost the last place she felt safe.”
“Dad betrayed his child.”
“Took no action to address the bully.”
“And became a bully himself by forcing the girl to live in the same house and be sisters!”
“And now he expects the girl to keep quiet?”
“What right does he even have?”
“I personally think you lose all rights to make demands from your children when you have bullied/ abused or turned a blind eye to your children getting abused or bullied.”
“No contact is the way to go.”- Ok_Adhesiveness9680
“I’m gonna say clear NTA because it was information that involved you, and it was a direct response to something you were being asked outright.”- dfjdejulio
“If he feels embarrassed by this, he knows he is in the wrong you are NTA :-).”- proofneighbbourhood
“NTA.”
“Frankly, that you’ve told others and they see your side is proof that you are very diplomatic about the entire thing.”
“Without knowing details, its much eaiser to see you as the unreasonable here, yet apparently when you know more that is no the case.”- pottersquash
Others felt that if the OP didn’t necessarily do anything wrong, they felt that she needed professional help for her long-harboring resentment towards her father.
“I hope you get counseling.”
“What happened to you when you were 8 is still eating away at you.”
“Sad.”
“Makes no difference who’s right in this situation.”- DeeSusie200
Others however felt that the OP was out of line, and had no business saying what she did to her father’s boss, even if it didn’t excuse her father’s behavior.
“ESH.”
“The boss had no business asking you.”
“There was no reason to say that to your father’s employer.”
“The boss is extremely unprofessional in telling the other coworkers.”
“And your Dad messed up with you.”- Shells613
“Sorry, but YTA.”
“This girl bullied you when you were 8 years old.”
“By your own admission, things got better as time went on, so I take it that the bullying did not continue?”
“You’re an adult and you’re holding on to a grudge against an 8 year old so strongly that you felt entitled to bring your dad’s boss into decade+ old drama in response to a polite comment.”
“There is absolutely no reason to do that unless you wanted there to be negative social repercussions for your father.”
“There were so many ways you could have handled this situation honestly without it being so incredibly awkward.”
“‘We aren’t close’, ‘we don’t keep in touch’, etc.”
“This is clearly something that’s still actively bothering you to the point that you’re still lashing out when you’re reminded of it.”
“You need to seek therapy and work on this.”
“You’re letting the actions of an 8 year old poison your adult life.”
“Regardless of what anyone else did, or did not do, at this point you’re the AH for not doing better for yourself and your own mental health.”- Calliope719
“OP YTA, sort of.”
“You really didn’t need to give any details about why you’re NC with your dad to his boss.”
“You really should have just said ‘I don’t have a close relationship with him and I’d rather not discuss it’.”
“His boss doesn’t need to know any of that information because it’s none of his business.”
“Your father’s boss can ask his employee what happened between the two of you.”- NotFunny3458
It’s clear that the OP has some serious, unresolved feelings about her relationship with her father and her blended family, in spite of her saying things improved.
If the OP was neglected by her father, she, by all means, has the right to be angry about that.
Whether or not she should bring other people, let alone her father’s boss, into these issues is another matter.