Pregnant women go through a lot of stress during pregnancy.
It takes such a toll on the body and the psyche.
That’s why a lot of pregnant women shy away from the extra attention.
Not everybody wants to be coddled or touched.
That can lead to some uncomfortable issues.
Case in point…
Redditor No-Comfort-670 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for talking to my MIL like a kid when she touched my belly?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I are expecting our first baby (yay).”
“We have some ups and downs with his parents because they don’t understand boundaries, but overall it’s been really good.”
“For some context, I (24 F[emale]) come from an abusive home and I can’t stand being touched.”
“Before getting pregnant this wasn’t a problem with my in-laws.”‘
“But now that I’m carrying a baby, it’s been awful with my M[other] I[n] L[aw] and my S[ister] I[n] L[aw].”
“Because they think they can touch my belly whenever they want to.”
“Both my husband and I have talked to them, and said that while I would rather they don’t touch me at all, I can understand this is a big thing as a family.”
“So I would simply like being asked instead of just feeling a hand at random times.”
“But they rarely do it, so I just move when they touch me.”
“Now, onto the subject…”
“A week ago my best friend threw me a baby shower and I invited my in-laws.”
“And since I don’t have any blood family left, we let them invite 10 more people which included aunts-cousins and my husband’s grandparents.”
“It was an overall lovely moment, but at one time, I was sitting eating cake while my MIL talked with my F[ather] I[n] L[aw]’s sister.”
“And while telling her something about the baby, she put her hand in my belly and I don’t know, I just didn’t like it. “
“So I took her hand, removed it, and said ”No, no, you know I’ve told you not to touch without asking first. You know how to ask first, do you? It’s easy!'”
“With the most condescending voice I had.”
“Both my MIL and my FIL’s sister looked at me shocked, and then my FIL’s sister laughed but my MIL got red in the face.”
“When it was done, my MIL approached me and said that what I did wasn’t nice and she just ‘slipped’ so I didn’t have to treat her like a kid.”
“I just smiled and said that she touching me after being asked a million times not to, and that was kid behavior and I just called her out on that.”
“She left, very sad, and when we got home, my FIL called my husband and said he would love for both of us to apologize to each other, but I said no.”
“So he called me an AH.”
“AITA?“
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I hate being touched.”
“Everyone thinks being pregnant makes you public property.”
“Stand your ground, enforce your boundaries, and tell her off every time.” ~ Melmoth_Milton
“Even if you helped bake the cake you should still respect the mom if she doesn’t want to be touched.”
“When I was pregnant with my second child I was regularly completely touched out.”
“Which meant even my husband sometimes wasn’t allowed to touch my belly.”
“Because I just couldn’t stand to be touched anymore after being touched nearly 24/7 by my oldest.” ~ Droppie91
“Absolutely this!!”
“My husband strokes my hair – I can’t stand it.”
“My eldest child has started doing the same thing.”
“They both tell me it’s a sign of affection.”
“Yeah, it is IF and ONLY IF the person you are doing it to likes it.”
“Otherwise it’s gross and a sign you aren’t listening to them and respecting their boundaries when you get told to stop every single time.”
“Now I shove their hand away and yell, ‘I’m not a freaking dog!!'”
“According to my husband and MIL, I’m being rude.”
“Frankly they are being rude for not keeping their hands to themselves in the first place.”
“My kid now apologizes as soon as they do it but husband… eesh.”
“Drives me mad.”
“As did the touching the belly when I was pregnant.”
“MY body, so hands off!!” ~ Global_Monk_5778
“My husband will sometimes absentmindedly move his thumb back and forth while touching me.”
“Like holding hands and his thumb rubbing my hand or sitting and watching a movie and have his hand on my leg and that thumb just rubbing back and forth.”
“He gets offended when I tell him to stop. Touching fine.”
“That rubbing back and forth makes me want to scream.”
“Not personal but an aggravating sensation and he just doesn’t get it ’cause it wouldn’t bother him.”
“ETA: anytime I was pregnant and a hand started to reach for my belly I’d let them know they might lose that hand if they did that.”
“By the fourth pregnancy, I didn’t even bother to make it sound like a joke.”
“People at work thought I was being very rude and I thought they were being incredibly unprofessional for touching somebody without their permission.” ~ Temporary_Nail_6468
“I also hate being touched.”
“When I was very pregnant with my son, a woman at the supermarket asked if she could touch my belly.”
“I told her sure, only if I can touch hers first.”
“She was taken aback and asked why I would want to touch her belly.”
“I asked why she wanted to touch mine.”
“She walked away very confused, but kept her hands to herself!”
“NTA, touch her belly next time.”
“She how she likes it.” ~ astronomie_domine
“I hateeee when people including my spouse touch pregnant people without asking.”
“I always ask hella loud did they say you could???”
“I don’t like being touched.”
“I don’t like when people touch me and I try to respect everyone’s personal boundaries all the time.”
“But people feel entitled when they know a baby growing inside of you.”
“Don’t touch my stomach and say how excited you are.”
“How about you take the baby-sitting feeding night when they come out?”
“That would show support a lot better.” ~ throwthrowbz
“Yes, I would have instinctively swatted a hand away if I wasn’t feeling good or hangry.”
“Your approach caught her attention this time!”
“Your body, your boundaries. NTA.” ~ Moderate-Fun
“I honestly don’t understand it.”
“I have never just gone up to someone, even family, while they were pregnant and just touch their belly. I’ve always asked first.”
“The fact she said she ‘slipped’ like it’s an addiction of something just gave me the ick.”
“OP you’re so NTA.” ~ x3meech
“I remember my mate being pregnant and some random woman comes up to her in a shop and puts her hand on my mate’s belly.”
“I was like WTF, does that happen often?”
“She said it happens all the time.”
“NTA, she will remember the rules now.” ~ ShutUpMorrisseyffs
“It is never ok to randomly touch any part of you without permission, specific or implied.”
“I consider implied permission to apply to your own children and partner in appropriate ways.”
“These women are way too proprietary about your body.”
“You drew the line politely and they stomped all over the line.”
“They needed to be put in their place.”
“Have they at least stopped touching you now?”
“Your husband should back you up, not call you AH.” ~ carolizzy81
“NTA. Sometimes people don’t understand when you ask nicely.”
“My friend grabbed a stranger’s boob when the stranger touched her belly.”
“The stranger was shocked and my friend said ‘Oh I thought we were grabbing each other’s bodies, my bad!'” ~ Whit3W0lf
“NTA. The proper response from your MIL would have been, ‘I’m so sorry, OP. You’re right. You’ve been very clear about this and I let it slip my mind. I’ll remember to ask permission before touching you in the future. Please forgive me.'”
“There, done and dusted. But instead, she chose to be offended.” ~ puppyfarts99
“NTA. I don’t think anyone appreciates being touched without consent, let alone someone with an aversion to being touched in the first place.”
“If someone can’t respect your wishes even after being told so many times, they deserve to be called out.”
“Also, being asked to apologize because ‘you both were at fault’ is infuriating, especially when you weren’t at fault at all.”
“I say talk it out with MIL since she’s family but you weren’t in the wrong here.” ~ BTOB_OT7_Melody
“NTA. You have on many occasions asked to not be touched and they’ve ignored that boundary.”
“You weren’t wrong to call her out in front of your FIL’s sister.”
“Was it slightlyyy combative? Yes, and she deserved it.”
“BUT, you shouldn’t have to tolerate triggers and swallow your reaction for others to be comfortable.”
“Reprimanding her in a public way definitely got the point across and I don’t think she’ll be doing it again.”
“OP, you don’t have to have a traumatic background in order for there to be a valid reason to not want to be touched.”
“You don’t want to be touched and you don’t owe anyone an explanation.” ~ Alpha_Barbie
OP… Reddit is with you.
Nobody should ever touch anybody without permission.
You should always speak up when you’re uncomfortable.
Good luck with the baby!