Sustaining a strong relationship as a roommate can be difficult.
But as long as everyone remains respectful of each other's personal spaces, keep common areas clean, and above all else, respects each other's privacy, it's not too difficult to remain on good terms.
However, things are bound to get a little more complicated when one roommate invades the other's privacy.
Redditor omgjdh's roommate was respectful of his privacy.
Unfortunately, his roommate's girlfriend was not, constantly barging into his bedroom when he was still asleep.
Having finally had enough, the original poster (OP) came up with a solution he was confident would scare his roommate's girlfriend from ever barging in on him again.
His tactic was successful, though not at all appreciated by the OP's roommate or his girlfriend.
Wondering if he had gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors.
"AITA for sleeping naked because my roommate's girlfriend keeps waking me up?"
The OP shared how after his roommate's girlfriend barged in on him one too many times, he came up with a plan to ensure she would never do so again.
"I (19 M[ale]) have a roommate."
"He has a girlfriend (call her L) since they have been seeing each other and when she's been staying around she has walked in on me and pulled the covers off as a joke."
"She's also walked in on me and my girlfriend which was the final straw."
"My roommate has been doing nothing about this saying, 'I can't control her'."
"A few days ago my girlfriend was in our flat and so was L."
"My girlfriend has been getting pissed at L walking in on us."
"I told her to sleep naked, and she will stop probably."
"At 6 me and my girlfriend was sleeping and L busted threw the door and saw us butt naked together."
"She screamed like she saw a murderer scene."
"My roommate walked in and told us we should have been wearing clothes."
"I told him that she needs to learn about privacy first."
"He told us we were acting childish."
"We didn't care if we were acting childish she needed to know that it's weird walking in on people like that."
"I ordered a lock."
"So AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for frightening L away by sleeping naked.
Everyone agreed that L's behavior was invasive and obnoxious, and she got what she deserved by walking in on the OP and his girlfriend in their birthday suits.
"What on earth did I just read?"
"A grown woman, who doesn't live in your place, is bursting into YOUR bedroom and waking you up?"
"I wouldn't allow her back into your home."
"That's just not okay on so many levels."
"NTA but holy crap."- bokatan778
"WTF?"
"NTA?"
"So if I'm reading this correctly they're upset because your roommate's GF has a weird obsession with barging in your room (early AF keep in mind, who TF barges into their BF's roommate's room at 6 am?), and is upset she found you and your GF naked under YOUR covers, in YOUR bed, in YOUR ROOM after she decided to barge in and rip your covers off?"
"if anything a sane person would be EXPECTING the possibility of you guys being naked in bed together, correct?"
"I am HIGHLY confused about her logic and roommate's logic."
"Wow."- nana2vibrant
"NTA obviously, but get a lock."- 2ndgenerationcatlady
"NTA."
"Your roommate has a responsibility for his guests in the apartment."
"If he 'can't control' his girlfriend, then she shouldn't be there."
"What she is doing by invading your space and pulling the covers off of you isn't a joke."
"It's harassment, and it needs to stop."
"I would have done exactly what you did."- MerryMoose923
"I am a university professor."
"What you described sounds like you're roommates at a university."
"If you are, speak to your student conduct office."
"What she's doing counts as sexual harassment."
"I suspect your roommate and her will sing a different tune once they talk to the student conduct office."-Worldsgreatestfrog
"Gotta start barging into roommate's room."
"Maybe at 3 am."
"Bc he can't control you and if he reacts badly he's being childish."- Current-Practice2664
"Spray bottle with stinky water."
"OR."
"You scream bloody murder at her when she does it, and called her a sexual offender, because clearly she wants to see people having sex without their consent."-Rohini_rambles
"Curious."
"She walked in on you and your GF (& I assume you were intimate) and nothing."
"But walked in on you two sleeping naked and screams?"
"NTA either way."- Poesy-WordHoard
"Your roommate can kindly f*ck a hat."
"You were in a bedroom."
"The f*ck was she doing inside it?"- checco314
"NTA."
"You asked nicely first."
"She disregarded your request."
"Well, you went for the shock value, and it seems to be working.
"Maybe she'll finally learn."- Sunny_Hill_1
"Your roommate's GF needs some f*ckin boundaries."
"You can sleep however you want in your room."
"NTA."- Ogreguy
"NTA."
"You can sleep naked."
"She can't just walk up on you and take the sheets away, just to get angry that you sleep as you do."
"She has to respect your privacy."- AlHazard33
"NTA."
"She f*cked around and found out eh."- ameanjew
"NTA."
"She is weird."
"What is the purpose of this?"
"Her 'jokes' are childish and an invasion of privacy."
"Have you flat-out asked her to stop?"
"Also, can't you get a lock?"- Ok-Context1168
"NTA."
"Bet she doesn't walk in again."
"What she was doing was the childish action and just plain rude."- Zestyclose-Egg6211
"NTA."
"The roommate's girl is the only AH here."- Minute_Patient_8841
"NTA, why would anyone feel that it's appropriate to do that."
"That is your home."
"You are meant to feel comfortable there, and this sounds like anything but comfortable."
"The lack of self-awareness is appalling."
"I suggest you start locking your bedroom door and have a very serious discussion with your roommate about boundaries."- looklikecollege
"She's invading your privacy and it's just weird that she just comes into your room to pull the covers off your bodies, like what's the point in her doing that?"- Ambby94
"NTA."
"Sounds like she got what she wanted."
"A peek at your pee pee."- magic-money-tree
"NTA."
"Get a darn door wedge and put a stop to her stupid antics already."- jammy913
"NTA."
"If she can't respect closed doors that's just something that's gonna happen."- Specialist_Tea8851
"NTA but there is zero chance she's doing this by accident or 'as a joke'."- WiseBat
"NTA."
"How on earth would anyone be the a**hole other than the GF for doing the thing and the roommate for not stopping that behavior."
"Time to install door locks."- archiotterpup
"NTA!"
"This post made my day."
"I needed a good laugh, and you delivered full bore!"- Capelily
"Casually ask her if she wants to join in, good chance it never happens again."
"On the other hand maybe she will take you up on it and you can tell your friend 'sorry I can't control her'."
"Either way sounds like a win/win."- zbreima
"NTA."
"She was the one acting childish, and she got a very adult wake-up call."-Existing-Quote7936
"Hahahaha!"
"Well played."
"Masterful."
"A solid, nonconfrontational solution."
"I applaud you."
"NTA, but voyeur certainly is."- cheezitapplepie
"Gotta get pepper spray for keeping away the crazy."
"NTA."- blonde_Cupid
"NTA."
"BTW, he could tell her to stop doing it."
"It's a real lazy cop-out to say he doesn't control her."
"No, he doesn't, but she should be decent enough to listen."- Rocking_Horse_Fly
"NTA."
"Honestly sounds like she is wanting to walk in on you and or your GF in the nude, lock is probably a good idea."- Nalpona_Freesun
"Invest in a super soaker and keep it by the bed."
"If she wants to barge in like an animal then start treating her like one."
"NTA."- The-Additional-Pylon
"NTA she's a creep and a pervert."
"She should be banned from your place."
"She's lucky she didn't get a physical reaction."
"I know some people who will instinctively thrash out their arms if startled in their sleep."
"Next time she started screaming start screaming back at her like Buffalo Bill did his captive."-paul_rudds_drag_race
"NTA."
"And BTW, good one."- kistner
"NTA."
"She is way out of line."
"Tell roommate to tell her to cut that sh*t out, or there will be serious consequences going forward."- AlbaTejas
It's simply common courtesy to knock before entering a room with a closed door.
Particularly when it's not even in your own home.
As many people pointed out above, L should honestly consider herself lucky that she didn't walk into anything more than the OP and his girlfriend naked in bed.
One can only hope this experience taught her to knock.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and IÂ got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.'Â And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.