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Woman Kicks Boyfriend’s Sister Out Of Apartment For Making ‘Fatphobic’ and ‘Racist’ Jokes

Asian woman and white woman arguing
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Redditor vanluvsyou recently got into a spat with her boyfriend and boyfriend’s sister.

The incident drove the Original Poster (OP) to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

There she asked:

“AITA for kicking out my boyfriend’s sister after she kept making offensive jokes about me?”

She went on to tell her story.

“I told my boyfriends sister that she’s not welcome in our home anymore because of her constant criticism and insults toward me.”

“I’m a [20-year-old female] and I live with my boyfriend in our apartment right now.”

“It took him awhile to introduce me to his family but once he did I hit it off really good with his mom and his sister, until the more we hung out, the more offensive jokes his sister would make about my appearance.”

“It’s also important for me to note that I always found my boyfriend’s relationship with his sister really weird.”

“When we would all hang out, she would sit on his lap, play with his hair, and compliment him an unnatural amount.”

“It felt like I was third wheeling sometimes and it made me extremely uncomfortable. I never told my boyfriend because he’d call me crazy.”

“I told myself that other people have different dynamics with their siblings and shrugged it off. I convinced myself it was normal.”

“A couple nights ago, she came over with her friend so the four of us could play poker and hang out.”

“It was going fine until she started making those jokes again and acting really “pick me” with my boyfriend, which is so weird, they’re related, and it grossed me out.”

“She made a random joke about there being some stuff on the floor because I couldn’t bend over to clean because of my stomach fat.”

“I managed to hold my tears in when I saw that my boyfriend tried not to laugh at it. Im not plus size; Im 130lb.”

“An hour later, we were casually discussing life, and I told her and her friend that I went to a college that some people consider “low brow” because of the easy acceptance rate.”

“She told me that shocked her, and I asked what she meant. She literally said, “because you’re you know” and then pulled her eyes back.”

“I’m Korean, and I never thought I’d hear a joke like that after high school. It enraged me. I stood up and told her and her friend to shut up and stop laughing.”

“My bf told me to calm down, but this made me angrier.”

“I yelled at her and told her that she’s been hurting my feelings the whole time I’ve known her and that it needs to stop.”

“She looked at me like I was crazy and told me she was just kidding, lighten up. I said it’s not funny if it’s at my expense.”

“I screamed for them to get out because they kept making faces to each other, acting like I was insane or something. She sort of cried a little and left while her friend comforted her.”

“Later on, I argued with my boyfriend because he said I went too far. We got over it, and he’s not mad at me anymore, but I’m still annoyed with him because he never stood up for me once.”

“I found out through him that his sister and his mom have been talking bad about me. Im so upset. I should’ve been the bigger person, but I let my emotions get the best of me. I feel like a huge AH.”

“I feel like I overreacted and should’ve just kept my mouth shut.”


Redditors weighed in by declaring:

    • NTA – Not The A**hole
    • YTA – You’re The A**hole
    • NAH – No A**holes Here
    • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“NTA but you need to get rid of the whole racist family. You want to have kids with a guy that’s going to let their aunt make racist gestures at them and call their mother fat?” – Wooster182


“Do you really want to deal with this for the rest of your life? A spineless boyfriend and his gross sister? Her behavior toward him ISN’T NORMAL.” – lbrownlbrown

“Boyfriend. Let me be as clear as possible so you understand the seriousness of the situation. Your sister doesn’t get to make fun of my appearance or say/do racist sh*t like doing slanty eyes.”

“It’s your job to tell her to knock that sh*t off. So if you are telling me that you are ok with your saying racist sh*t to your girlfriend then this is me telling you I no longer want to be your girlfriend.”

“YOU are going to apologize for not standing up for me. And your sister is going to apologize for being a bigot. And if I don’t get both those apologies…then this relationship is going to be over.”

“I am going to stay with a friend for a couple of days.”

“I suggest you spend that time figuring out what kind of human being you want to be because right now, I have never been more disappointed in someone than I am in you.”

“NTA” – The__Riker__Maneuver

“NTA. These were not jokes. You weren’t laughing: that’s a sure sign.”

“There’s a lot here that’s wrong and some of it is very strange. You need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about what a future together looks like.” – diminishingpatience

“NTA Your boyfriend sucks, his sister sucks, and her friend also sucks. If he hasn’t stood up for you by now, he never will.”

“If i were you, id slip in an incest joke next time you see her.”

“Like: “you just want me gone, so you can take your relationship to the next level” See if she gets angry, then tell her to lighten up, it’s just a joke XD” – Dashqu

“NTA, but why is he still your bf? You said everything’s alright because „he’s not mad at you anymore.”

“Girl… I can’t for the life of me understand how you continue to put up with the disrespect, blatant and unapologetic racism, or frankly, the gaslighting.”

“All I can offer in terms of advice is… Run.” – this_what_she_said

“You need a new boyfriend. He doesn’t stick up for you, and it sounds like his sister is interested in incest.”

“Either way, he is a sh!tty boyfriend.”

“NTA, she was rude and offensive. It’s a pattern, and she should never be allowed in your home again.” – Wrangellite

“NTA -“

“Ummmm, not nearly a bad person either.”

“Being the bigger person is good on a one-time or limited basis, when confronted time and again by the same person, on basically the same subject and having the same bf ignore your needs.”

“Well that calls for you to take action on your own behalf. To top it all off, she pulled this crap in YOUR home. Good for you!”

“Your bf and his sister, well thats a weird one. Just curious, what is bf and his sister’s age.” – JLineman09

“Good lord, girl, don’t date a racist. You know what they call a table with one loud racist and nine people who won’t shut them up? A table with ten racists.”

“Silence is complicity. You’re NTA for kicking her out, but your BF hasn’t shown any signs of improvement or even apology or understanding that he should be better. Ditch him, please.”

“ETA: I know breaking up with people is hard, but please don’t settle. “Only laughing at the fat joke” is absolutely not okay, especially when you aren’t even fat.”

“Your body and your race are part of who you are, and no one should make you feel ashamed of that.”

“You are allowed to have your own self-respect, and him and his family not respecting that is his problem.”

“Plus, he still thinks his sister’s desire-not-to-feel-like-an-a**hole is more important than your dignity. That’s absolutely not okay.”

“I hope you guys work it out, whether together or apart, because things are unacceptable as is.” – LScore

“What a**holes say when called out for their words and behavior: ‘told me she was just kidding, lighten up’”

“Your boyfriend needs to stop coddling his sister, literally and figuratively. Especially literally. Like, EWWWWWW.”

“NTA.” – tosser9212

“Nope NTA and don’t let your boyfriend convince you that you are!”

“His sister is making racist and body shaming comments – these are not jokes, they are insults. She is insulting you directly to your face, in your own home and your boyfriend is taking her side.”

“He is showing you that he does not respect you and will not stand up for you. Respecting you is the bare minimum in a relationship, and he clearly does not.”

“If you can find a new place or a temporary place to stay, I think you should take it and really reevaluate the relationship. You do not want to be a part of this toxic family long term”

“I don’t even want to touch the sitting in his lap and playing with his hair thing… I know families who are close but none who would do that.” – PrecutToaster

The OP went on to update her original post.

“Update, we broke up for now. We called it a break, but I don’t think it is one.”

“He literally refused to stand up for me and basically just called me crazy the whole time. When I brought up his sister, he freaked out and refused to continue to the conversation.”

“I feel like a fkcn idiot.”

Hopefully, the OP can finally get some well-deserved respect.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)