When you decide to take on a pet, you have a lot of responsibilities to consider. From figuring out how to take care of the animal, to what your life will look like, especially with someone else in the picture.
In the case of bleu-moon, she really wants a spider. However, the original poster (OP) also has to consider her husband’s thoughts.
To find out, she asks the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit the question “Would I be the A**hole” (WIBTA) about the spider.
OP really wants the pet spider.
“WIBTA if I got a pet spider even though my husband said he would kill it if I did?”
But her husband is adamant about no more pets.
“I have always loved animals, bugs, and plants. We have a dog and a cat which my husband and I take care of together. And I have a medium-sized fish/shrimp tank and about 60 plants that I manage on my own.”
“I have a lot on my plate right now (work full time, part-time student, and I’m 4mo. preg) but I have been wanting another pet for a looooong time.”
“I have always liked the idea of creating a vivarium and keeping some sort of insect in it (beetles/praying mantis, etc). I have seen many videos of a jumping spider and fell in love with their cute faces and curious personalities.”
“I already have a large terrarium jar I could use and many plants and things to put into the enclosure. There are also many jumping spiders that live in my plants which I could capture.”
“My plan was to set up an enclosure and capture a spider from outside. If It becomes too much to care for the spider I could always release it back into my plants, which live outside most of the year.”
“If it goes well I will probably still release it in March when I take my plants back outside after the winter months because our baby is due in February. If I end up liking the experience I would want to set up a more permanent habitat and purchase a captive-bred jumping spider in the future.”
“The only problem is that my husband does not like spiders. As far as I know, he isn’t afraid of them, just doesn’t like them.”
“I have let him kill black widows outside and in our shed, but have had to convince him not to kill large orb weavers or crab spiders in our yard as I know they catch bugs and mosquitoes.”
“I like to tease my husband and ask him if I can get a tarantula when we go to the pet store, he of course says no. I would be interested in a tarantula but I know that’s a lot to ask.”
“From my perspective, a little jumping spider is a reasonable compromise, as he won’t let me get other pets right now. But he says that any spider inside the house he will kill.”
“I tried to reason with him and ask him why a little contained spider would bother him so much, or if he is afraid of spiders and all he says that any spider in the house he will kill.”
“I think he is being ridiculous and hateful to spiders. Also being stubborn in his decision.”
“I told him I still want a spider and have the means to put an enclosure together right now (I’m not, still researching). I put on spider care and habitat set up YT videos on our TV and he got really upset.”
“WIBTA if I still set up a spider habitat and got a spider from outside? I know he will be upset, but I can’t imagine him killing a spider if it’s my pet, but if he does what should I do?”
To clarify, OP’s husband isn’t afraid of spiders. This is about not wanting more pets in the house, especially with a baby on the way.
OP made sure to update us with this information.
“I talked to my husband and he is not afraid of spiders, just doesn’t want more pets right now because of the baby which is a conclusion we’ve come to together and I’ve accepted before.”
OP really wants another pet, and put together what she feels is a reasonable plan for the spider. However, her husband refuses to even entertain the possibility of another creature.
On Reddit, the users judged OP for wanting to get a pet spider despite her husband’s almost violent refusal by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP may have a great plan for her possible spider pet, but she still needs to consider the rest of the household. There’s already two mammals, fish, and about 60 plants.
And to top it all off, they have a baby on the way.
OP’s husband doesn’t want another thing in the house, and it’s easy to see why. With so many things in the house, refusing one feels more like a compromise than what OP is suggesting.
The board decided that OP would be TA if she were to get the spider.
“First don’t you dare capture a wild animal. Leave wildlife the F alone.”
“Second you ‘work full time, part time student, and 4mo. preg’ but this is what you should be using your time, effort, energy, and money on? Get your priorities straight.”
“Third I’m going to assume this is your first child. How about you be patient and wait until after your child is born to know if you can even handle an additional pet or any additional work.”
“Fourth a pet should be a mutual decision with both people agreeing. If one person is so against it, it’d just be disrespectful to go ahead with it.”
“Do you care more about having a spider than your husband’s clear boundary?” – Valuable_Ad_742
“Fifth, your husband has said that he will kill it. I’m not a spider person, but why would you knowingly submit a pet to that?”
“(And if you’re just trying to call his bluff, that goes back to point four – why is your desire for a spider more important than his very clear boundary?)” – idreamoffreddy
“YTA. Totally. You never bring any kind of pet into a household unless everyone is in agreement.”
“And you seem to be driving a disturbing amount of pleasure from knowing he doesn’t like them” – GonnaBeOverIt
“YWBTA and it doesn’t matter that you think he is being ridiculous. Spiders might disgust him, he may even be downplaying his fear of them, but regardless having spiders in the house really bothers him.”
“Compromise isn’t getting a little jumping spider, compromise is getting a praying mantis or something other than a spider. Why do you want to get something that the person you supposedly love finds upsetting?”
“Let it go already, you have so many other options.” – StraightJacketRacket
Despite all of this, OP is really insistent. She responded to comments not really taking any of the other perspectives into consideration.
Instead, she assumes everyone else is wrong and she’s right.
“Idk how you’re not absolutely mortified by your attitude and behavior because OOF” – marypol65
“I’m definitely not, neither is my husband..”
“Only Reddit people are and that obviously doesn’t matter to me” – bleu-moon (OP)
“You’re hearing what you want to hear instead of actually reflecting. I’m not speculating on anything, other than hoping you’re a bored teenager writing fiction.”
“Your twisted idea of ‘compromise’, and complete disregard for your husband’s feelings paint a very clear picture, as does the fact that you think it’s acceptable to captivate wild animals for your entertainment instead of purchasing one bred to be a pet.”
“But ultimately I don’t care, it’s your life. YTA” – yellowjacket1996
“I’m hearing what other people tell me, and show me in my actual life.. yes you are very much speculating”
“it is a compromise… we wanted another dog and decided to wait… I’ve been pushing for a frog but it would be more intensive and expensive… thought a spider would be easier, that’s a compromise.”
“I do 100% of plant and fish care, and 90% cat and dog care… so a spider would be all me and not affect him… but I agree with him that now is not the time… maybe it’s my preg hormones that keep my wanting of a new pet high.”
“I agree that I should not take a spider from the wild, y’all got me there… in the future, when the time is right he said we could look at a local reptile expo that comes around a couple of times a year.”
“But all in all y’all still wack” – bleu-moon (OP)
In the end, it seems like OP really didn’t want to be told no. But the commenters gave their thoughts, as OP asked for, and she can make her decision from there.
Hopefully, she talks to her husband and they can work something out.