Finances can make any life situation or relationship an even bigger struggle.
And times are tough right now as it is.
Work that pays well can be difficult to find.
So when someone loses their job, that can bring heavy stress on an already strained relationship.
Figuring out financial burden isn’t very romantic.
Case in point…
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for expecting my G[irl]F[riend] to support me while I’m unemployed?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I lost my job 4 months ago and unemployment doesn’t cover my full living expenses.”
“I had to buy a car since mine had 330,000 kilometers on it and the engine issue wasn’t worth fixing.”
“After that, I had a couple thousand saved and that has been completely wiped out and now I’m not able to cover all my expenses.”
“I asked my GF to help cover my expenses and she has refused because I didn’t propose before this.”
“We had been dating for 3 years and moved in for 2.”
“She had told me 3 dates in which she expected to be engaged in about 2 years of dating and is very unhappy with me because I didn’t propose.”
“I’m sure she is the one, I’m just still hesitant about marriage and she has told me she is trying to get over the fact she wasted 3 years with me.”
“I told her to give me some time and she has thankfully not pushed it.”
“This was shortly before my work announced they were cutting people and I was let go.”
“Now she says I’m expecting too much from her since I’m not ready for marriage but expecting her to help me with rent.”
“We have been dating for 3 years doesn’t that count for something?!”
“If it was a year in I would understand it was too early but we have been together for a long time.”
“But she told me it was meaningless because I haven’t proposed and she refuses to help me as I could just decide I don’t want marriage and bail at any time.”
“I could have bailed at any time while dating and still can bail after we get engaged but I didn’t and I won’t.”
“We have been serious for a long time, why is the ring and marriage all that matters?!”
“I’ve told her since she won’t help it’s shown me she isn’t serious too and she told me it’s fine we can just end the lease and I can go back to live with family if I can’t afford rent here.”
“I’m getting interview requests back and did an interview already although I didn’t get it it’s crazy to me she would waste 3 years over covering a bit more rent and groceries.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“So, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“I understand the wedding bells are not for everyone, but his girlfriend was upfront.”
“OP, you snoozed and you lost.”
“She told you two years and it has been three, you said you think she is the one, what is the hold-up?”
“Don’t ask now, it’s too late.”
“Now you will have to get a job and pull yourself back up, and it will still be too late. (probably). YTA.” ~ No_Mathematician2482
“OP, she’s just your GF… remember?”
“You didn’t want to commit to her – REMEMBER??”
“Since your GF is JUST your GF and not your wife (like she’d had hoped, actually wanted, and made clear to you several times but has been denied – several times).”
“She is not at all responsible for your finances or inclined to financially support you.”
“Your GF is free to do as she pleases.”
“Also, the whole ‘she won’t help, that means she’s not serious about us’ malarkey.”
“Trust me – there was a time when she WAS serious about the relationship until you blew it by not wanting to marry her. Shame lol.” ~ SynQu33n
“This is precisely the situation where if he’d taken her openly stated goals seriously, and dated with the intention of a similar goal, he’d be covered now.”
“Like if he’d proposed and they were at least engaged right now, he’d probably have a ride-or-die partner to get through this with.” ~ MegaDerppp
“Exactly. She clearly communicated her desires and needs at the start of the relationship.”
“She held firm. Good for her.”
“OP doesn’t get to be surprised when things get rough and it’s now ‘convenient’ for him to fulfill her desires because it means a meal ticket for him.”
“I would be strongly against his girlfriend accepting a marriage proposal now.”
“Timing would be highly suspect.” ~ misterwiser34
“Wow, you think she’s expected too much for refusing to sleep with you until you were exclusive??”
“She’s been waiting for years for you to put a ring on it and YOU think she still owes you more?”
“YTA. She doesn’t owe you financial support.”
“You are a boyfriend she lives with (roommate with benefits).” ~ MountainMidnight9400
“Right? The fact that this girl has been clear from the beginning pushes you into YTA for me.”
“What people want is important.”
“And no matter who here might not agree with her wants they have to respect that she has been honest from the beginning, not played games about it, let it slide for a year more than she had stated, and is only now when asked to continue ignoring what she said she wants and pick up his finances as well, has reached the end of her rope.” ~ booksycat
“We have been dating for 3 years doesn’t that count for something.”
“OP honestly is the worst.”
“I hope his GF finds this post are realizes how much better she can do.”
“OP, doesn’t it count to you?”
“She told you what it was she wanted out of the relationship.”
“Now you expect her to fund you even though you have been unwilling to meet her needs.”
“Instead you are blackmailing her to give you money.” ~ Exact-Ad5840
“She told me it’s fine we can just end the lease and I can go back to live with family if I can’t afford rent here.”
“She’s suggesting they try to end the lease and move on to separate living situations.”
“She’s not willing to just cover his portion of the rent.”
“That is not a ‘train wreck’ solution, but a reasonable one.”
“Since he lost his job, the landlord may be willing to negotiate to end the lease rather than struggle through an eviction process.” ~ MsAndrie
“YTA — well, well, well, how the turn tables!”
“She told you her terms for a more committed relationship and you’ve refused them.”
“She has continued your relationship but has adjusted her expectations and contributions accordingly.”
“Why should she change them because suddenly you need the benefits of a more committed relationship, but aren’t willing to actually make the commitment?”
“This is the epitome of expecting ‘wife duties for girlfriend wages.'” ~ suffragette_citizen
“YTA. Your expenses are your responsibility.”
“4 months is plenty of time to find a job.”
“She wants a partner and you want to be a mooch.”
“You’re threatening to end the relationship because she won’t pull your weight too.”
“It’s clear who is invested and it’s not you.” ~ Ok_Register3005
“YTA. You want to have your cake and eat it too.”
“You’re getting all the perks of being married with none of the security or teamwork for her.”
“THAT is why she mentioned the marriage thing.”
“She’s being expected to carry you but you’re not in it for the long haul.”
“Get an interim job.”
“There has got to be a McDonald’s or the like somewhere nearby that you can supplement your unemployment with.”
“I don’t know about where you live but you can usually make up to a certain amount without it cutting into your unemployment.”
“Act like a grown-up and pull your own weight.” ~ canvasshoes2
“YTA. She is indeed correct.”
“There is a difference between being involved and being engaged.”
“Moving to engaged means there is at least a promise of marriage versus we live together.”
“Especially since she made it clear upfront that she wants marriage.”
“If you’re so sure, why are you hesitant?”
“Why haven’t you gotten even something minimum wage?”
“Most McDonald’s hire anyone.”
“She is completely right.”
“You need to show your intentions.”
“I would never cover expenses for a man I wasn’t at least engaged and planning the wedding with.”
“Especially after four months of unemployment.”
“Find something, ANYTHING, to tide you over until something more of your forte comes along.”
“I spent five months working at Walmart asset protection while I looked around for my current position.”
“Did I like it? No. Did it pay the bills so I didn’t become homeless? Yes.”
“And I worked 40 hours/week and still made time to find a new job that I liked better.” ~ Rachel1578
“Agreed 100%, OP needs to find a job, any job, to hold him down until he can find something better.”
“With my current job, do I love it? No.”
“Would I do it permanently? Also no.”
“But does it keep me afloat financially and help me save up for something better? Absolutely.”
“Sometimes you have to work a shi*ty job until something better comes along.” ~ RadiantApple829
“YTA- you expect her to take on the responsibilities of taking care of you, while also telling her that you aren’t sure you want a full commitment with her.”
“Why on earth would she pay for you knowing you haven’t decided to stay with her? She’s smart.”
“Too many people take on the expenses of a partner with no recourse when the relationship ends.”
“Don’t propose now just for the money, that would be a disaster of an idea.” ~ MasterGas9570
Well, OP, Reddit is not with you on this one.
It sounds like your GF and you may need to have a serious chat about this relationship.
It seems like there are a lot of commitment and trust issues to discuss.
If it’s meant to be it will be.
Good luck with the job hunt.