Finances can make any life situation or relationship an even bigger struggle.
And times are tough right now as it is.
Work that pays well can be difficult to find.
So when someone loses their job, that can bring heavy stress on an already strained relationship.
Figuring out financial burden isn't very romantic.
Case in point...
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
"AITA for expecting my G[irl]F[riend] to support me while I'm unemployed?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I lost my job 4 months ago and unemployment doesn't cover my full living expenses."
"I had to buy a car since mine had 330,000 kilometers on it and the engine issue wasn't worth fixing."
"After that, I had a couple thousand saved and that has been completely wiped out and now I'm not able to cover all my expenses."
"I asked my GF to help cover my expenses and she has refused because I didn't propose before this."
"We had been dating for 3 years and moved in for 2."
"She had told me 3 dates in which she expected to be engaged in about 2 years of dating and is very unhappy with me because I didn't propose."
"I'm sure she is the one, I'm just still hesitant about marriage and she has told me she is trying to get over the fact she wasted 3 years with me."
"I told her to give me some time and she has thankfully not pushed it."
"This was shortly before my work announced they were cutting people and I was let go."
"Now she says I'm expecting too much from her since I'm not ready for marriage but expecting her to help me with rent."
"We have been dating for 3 years doesn't that count for something?!"
"If it was a year in I would understand it was too early but we have been together for a long time."
"But she told me it was meaningless because I haven't proposed and she refuses to help me as I could just decide I don't want marriage and bail at any time."
"I could have bailed at any time while dating and still can bail after we get engaged but I didn't and I won't."
"We have been serious for a long time, why is the ring and marriage all that matters?!"
"I've told her since she won't help it's shown me she isn't serious too and she told me it's fine we can just end the lease and I can go back to live with family if I can't afford rent here."
"I'm getting interview requests back and did an interview already although I didn't get it it's crazy to me she would waste 3 years over covering a bit more rent and groceries."
The OP was left to wonder,
"So, AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
"I understand the wedding bells are not for everyone, but his girlfriend was upfront."
"OP, you snoozed and you lost."
"She told you two years and it has been three, you said you think she is the one, what is the hold-up?"
"Don't ask now, it's too late."
"Now you will have to get a job and pull yourself back up, and it will still be too late. (probably). YTA." ~ No_Mathematician2482
"OP, she's just your GF… remember?"
"You didn't want to commit to her - REMEMBER??"
"Since your GF is JUST your GF and not your wife (like she'd had hoped, actually wanted, and made clear to you several times but has been denied - several times)."
"She is not at all responsible for your finances or inclined to financially support you."
"Your GF is free to do as she pleases."
"Also, the whole 'she won't help, that means she's not serious about us' malarkey."
"Trust me - there was a time when she WAS serious about the relationship until you blew it by not wanting to marry her. Shame lol." ~ SynQu33n
"This is precisely the situation where if he'd taken her openly stated goals seriously, and dated with the intention of a similar goal, he'd be covered now."
"Like if he'd proposed and they were at least engaged right now, he'd probably have a ride-or-die partner to get through this with." ~ MegaDerppp
"Exactly. She clearly communicated her desires and needs at the start of the relationship."
"She held firm. Good for her."
"OP doesn't get to be surprised when things get rough and it's now 'convenient' for him to fulfill her desires because it means a meal ticket for him."
"I would be strongly against his girlfriend accepting a marriage proposal now."
"Timing would be highly suspect." ~ misterwiser34
"Wow, you think she's expected too much for refusing to sleep with you until you were exclusive??"
"She's been waiting for years for you to put a ring on it and YOU think she still owes you more?"
"YTA. She doesn't owe you financial support."
"You are a boyfriend she lives with (roommate with benefits)." ~ MountainMidnight9400
"Right? The fact that this girl has been clear from the beginning pushes you into YTA for me."
"What people want is important."
"And no matter who here might not agree with her wants they have to respect that she has been honest from the beginning, not played games about it, let it slide for a year more than she had stated, and is only now when asked to continue ignoring what she said she wants and pick up his finances as well, has reached the end of her rope." ~ booksycat
"We have been dating for 3 years doesn't that count for something."
"OP honestly is the worst."
"I hope his GF finds this post are realizes how much better she can do."
"OP, doesn't it count to you?"
"She told you what it was she wanted out of the relationship."
"Now you expect her to fund you even though you have been unwilling to meet her needs."
"Instead you are blackmailing her to give you money." ~ Exact-Ad5840
"She told me it's fine we can just end the lease and I can go back to live with family if I can't afford rent here."
"She's suggesting they try to end the lease and move on to separate living situations."
"She's not willing to just cover his portion of the rent."
"That is not a 'train wreck' solution, but a reasonable one."
"Since he lost his job, the landlord may be willing to negotiate to end the lease rather than struggle through an eviction process." ~ MsAndrie
"YTA -- well, well, well, how the turn tables!"
"She told you her terms for a more committed relationship and you've refused them."
"She has continued your relationship but has adjusted her expectations and contributions accordingly."
"Why should she change them because suddenly you need the benefits of a more committed relationship, but aren't willing to actually make the commitment?"
"This is the epitome of expecting 'wife duties for girlfriend wages.'" ~ suffragette_citizen
"YTA. Your expenses are your responsibility."
"4 months is plenty of time to find a job."
"She wants a partner and you want to be a mooch."
"You're threatening to end the relationship because she won't pull your weight too."
"It's clear who is invested and it's not you." ~ Ok_Register3005
"YTA. You want to have your cake and eat it too."
"You're getting all the perks of being married with none of the security or teamwork for her."
"THAT is why she mentioned the marriage thing."
"She's being expected to carry you but you're not in it for the long haul."
"Get an interim job."
"There has got to be a McDonald's or the like somewhere nearby that you can supplement your unemployment with."
"I don't know about where you live but you can usually make up to a certain amount without it cutting into your unemployment."
"Act like a grown-up and pull your own weight." ~ canvasshoes2
"YTA. She is indeed correct."
"There is a difference between being involved and being engaged."
"Moving to engaged means there is at least a promise of marriage versus we live together."
"Especially since she made it clear upfront that she wants marriage."
"If you're so sure, why are you hesitant?"
"Why haven't you gotten even something minimum wage?"
"Most McDonald's hire anyone."
"She is completely right."
"You need to show your intentions."
"I would never cover expenses for a man I wasn't at least engaged and planning the wedding with."
"Especially after four months of unemployment."
"Find something, ANYTHING, to tide you over until something more of your forte comes along."
"I spent five months working at Walmart asset protection while I looked around for my current position."
"Did I like it? No. Did it pay the bills so I didn't become homeless? Yes."
"And I worked 40 hours/week and still made time to find a new job that I liked better." ~ Rachel1578
"Agreed 100%, OP needs to find a job, any job, to hold him down until he can find something better."
"With my current job, do I love it? No."
"Would I do it permanently? Also no."
"But does it keep me afloat financially and help me save up for something better? Absolutely."
"Sometimes you have to work a shi*ty job until something better comes along." ~ RadiantApple829
"YTA- you expect her to take on the responsibilities of taking care of you, while also telling her that you aren't sure you want a full commitment with her."
"Why on earth would she pay for you knowing you haven't decided to stay with her? She's smart."
"Too many people take on the expenses of a partner with no recourse when the relationship ends."
"Don't propose now just for the money, that would be a disaster of an idea." ~ MasterGas9570
Well, OP, Reddit is not with you on this one.
It sounds like your GF and you may need to have a serious chat about this relationship.
It seems like there are a lot of commitment and trust issues to discuss.
If it's meant to be it will be.
Good luck with the job hunt.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.