Finances can make any life situation or relationship an even bigger struggle.
And times are tough right now as it is.
Work that pays well can be difficult to find.
So when someone loses their job, that can bring heavy stress on an already strained relationship.
Figuring out financial burden isn't very romantic.
Case in point...
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
"AITA for expecting my G[irl]F[riend] to support me while I'm unemployed?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I lost my job 4 months ago and unemployment doesn't cover my full living expenses."
"I had to buy a car since mine had 330,000 kilometers on it and the engine issue wasn't worth fixing."
"After that, I had a couple thousand saved and that has been completely wiped out and now I'm not able to cover all my expenses."
"I asked my GF to help cover my expenses and she has refused because I didn't propose before this."
"We had been dating for 3 years and moved in for 2."
"She had told me 3 dates in which she expected to be engaged in about 2 years of dating and is very unhappy with me because I didn't propose."
"I'm sure she is the one, I'm just still hesitant about marriage and she has told me she is trying to get over the fact she wasted 3 years with me."
"I told her to give me some time and she has thankfully not pushed it."
"This was shortly before my work announced they were cutting people and I was let go."
"Now she says I'm expecting too much from her since I'm not ready for marriage but expecting her to help me with rent."
"We have been dating for 3 years doesn't that count for something?!"
"If it was a year in I would understand it was too early but we have been together for a long time."
"But she told me it was meaningless because I haven't proposed and she refuses to help me as I could just decide I don't want marriage and bail at any time."
"I could have bailed at any time while dating and still can bail after we get engaged but I didn't and I won't."
"We have been serious for a long time, why is the ring and marriage all that matters?!"
"I've told her since she won't help it's shown me she isn't serious too and she told me it's fine we can just end the lease and I can go back to live with family if I can't afford rent here."
"I'm getting interview requests back and did an interview already although I didn't get it it's crazy to me she would waste 3 years over covering a bit more rent and groceries."
The OP was left to wonder,
"So, AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
"I understand the wedding bells are not for everyone, but his girlfriend was upfront."
"OP, you snoozed and you lost."
"She told you two years and it has been three, you said you think she is the one, what is the hold-up?"
"Don't ask now, it's too late."
"Now you will have to get a job and pull yourself back up, and it will still be too late. (probably). YTA." ~ No_Mathematician2482
"OP, she's just your GF… remember?"
"You didn't want to commit to her - REMEMBER??"
"Since your GF is JUST your GF and not your wife (like she'd had hoped, actually wanted, and made clear to you several times but has been denied - several times)."
"She is not at all responsible for your finances or inclined to financially support you."
"Your GF is free to do as she pleases."
"Also, the whole 'she won't help, that means she's not serious about us' malarkey."
"Trust me - there was a time when she WAS serious about the relationship until you blew it by not wanting to marry her. Shame lol." ~ SynQu33n
"This is precisely the situation where if he'd taken her openly stated goals seriously, and dated with the intention of a similar goal, he'd be covered now."
"Like if he'd proposed and they were at least engaged right now, he'd probably have a ride-or-die partner to get through this with." ~ MegaDerppp
"Exactly. She clearly communicated her desires and needs at the start of the relationship."
"She held firm. Good for her."
"OP doesn't get to be surprised when things get rough and it's now 'convenient' for him to fulfill her desires because it means a meal ticket for him."
"I would be strongly against his girlfriend accepting a marriage proposal now."
"Timing would be highly suspect." ~ misterwiser34
"Wow, you think she's expected too much for refusing to sleep with you until you were exclusive??"
"She's been waiting for years for you to put a ring on it and YOU think she still owes you more?"
"YTA. She doesn't owe you financial support."
"You are a boyfriend she lives with (roommate with benefits)." ~ MountainMidnight9400
"Right? The fact that this girl has been clear from the beginning pushes you into YTA for me."
"What people want is important."
"And no matter who here might not agree with her wants they have to respect that she has been honest from the beginning, not played games about it, let it slide for a year more than she had stated, and is only now when asked to continue ignoring what she said she wants and pick up his finances as well, has reached the end of her rope." ~ booksycat
"We have been dating for 3 years doesn't that count for something."
"OP honestly is the worst."
"I hope his GF finds this post are realizes how much better she can do."
"OP, doesn't it count to you?"
"She told you what it was she wanted out of the relationship."
"Now you expect her to fund you even though you have been unwilling to meet her needs."
"Instead you are blackmailing her to give you money." ~ Exact-Ad5840
"She told me it's fine we can just end the lease and I can go back to live with family if I can't afford rent here."
"She's suggesting they try to end the lease and move on to separate living situations."
"She's not willing to just cover his portion of the rent."
"That is not a 'train wreck' solution, but a reasonable one."
"Since he lost his job, the landlord may be willing to negotiate to end the lease rather than struggle through an eviction process." ~ MsAndrie
"YTA -- well, well, well, how the turn tables!"
"She told you her terms for a more committed relationship and you've refused them."
"She has continued your relationship but has adjusted her expectations and contributions accordingly."
"Why should she change them because suddenly you need the benefits of a more committed relationship, but aren't willing to actually make the commitment?"
"This is the epitome of expecting 'wife duties for girlfriend wages.'" ~ suffragette_citizen
"YTA. Your expenses are your responsibility."
"4 months is plenty of time to find a job."
"She wants a partner and you want to be a mooch."
"You're threatening to end the relationship because she won't pull your weight too."
"It's clear who is invested and it's not you." ~ Ok_Register3005
"YTA. You want to have your cake and eat it too."
"You're getting all the perks of being married with none of the security or teamwork for her."
"THAT is why she mentioned the marriage thing."
"She's being expected to carry you but you're not in it for the long haul."
"Get an interim job."
"There has got to be a McDonald's or the like somewhere nearby that you can supplement your unemployment with."
"I don't know about where you live but you can usually make up to a certain amount without it cutting into your unemployment."
"Act like a grown-up and pull your own weight." ~ canvasshoes2
"YTA. She is indeed correct."
"There is a difference between being involved and being engaged."
"Moving to engaged means there is at least a promise of marriage versus we live together."
"Especially since she made it clear upfront that she wants marriage."
"If you're so sure, why are you hesitant?"
"Why haven't you gotten even something minimum wage?"
"Most McDonald's hire anyone."
"She is completely right."
"You need to show your intentions."
"I would never cover expenses for a man I wasn't at least engaged and planning the wedding with."
"Especially after four months of unemployment."
"Find something, ANYTHING, to tide you over until something more of your forte comes along."
"I spent five months working at Walmart asset protection while I looked around for my current position."
"Did I like it? No. Did it pay the bills so I didn't become homeless? Yes."
"And I worked 40 hours/week and still made time to find a new job that I liked better." ~ Rachel1578
"Agreed 100%, OP needs to find a job, any job, to hold him down until he can find something better."
"With my current job, do I love it? No."
"Would I do it permanently? Also no."
"But does it keep me afloat financially and help me save up for something better? Absolutely."
"Sometimes you have to work a shi*ty job until something better comes along." ~ RadiantApple829
"YTA- you expect her to take on the responsibilities of taking care of you, while also telling her that you aren't sure you want a full commitment with her."
"Why on earth would she pay for you knowing you haven't decided to stay with her? She's smart."
"Too many people take on the expenses of a partner with no recourse when the relationship ends."
"Don't propose now just for the money, that would be a disaster of an idea." ~ MasterGas9570
Well, OP, Reddit is not with you on this one.
It sounds like your GF and you may need to have a serious chat about this relationship.
It seems like there are a lot of commitment and trust issues to discuss.
If it's meant to be it will be.
Good luck with the job hunt.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.