One of the surprising wrenches in some relationships is how people live.
Sometimes disagreements can arise about how to clean, but for Redditor decordilemma the household disagreement is about decor.
The Original Poster (OP) turned to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my girlfriend her home decor is the reason I won’t host a work gathering at her place.”
He went on to tell his story.
“I’ve [Male age 32] been with my girlfriend [Female age 29] for over a year now. She’s smart, funny, a bit quirky, and has a serious job with a good salary.”
“We have a great time together and generally get along very well.”
“The only thing is her choice in home ‘decor’ is bizarre, to put it frankly, and not something you think a normal, grown adult would be into.”
“Her apartment is definitely a reflection of herself and interests. Not in the best way though.”
“My girlfriend has wall dedicated to animation in one room of her apartment, like Futurama pieces and etchings of some weird triangle guy.”
“Then there’s the wall of framed preserved insects in another room. But not insects like butterflies or moths. Instead she displays tarantulas, beetles, and large stick insects.”
“Her bathroom has a subtle theme of the ocean-pretty common.”
“But instead of starfish or shells, she has a little anglerfish nightlight, a small vampiric squid painting, and then a framed diagram of what apparently is a Goblin Shark right by the toilet.”
“I would say a majority of her home decor and furnishings are okay. The apartment itself is very modern and sleek.”
“It’s just the random decor and juvenile-ish themes like cartoons, insects, and bizarre ocean creatures, is off putting.”
“This is where I might be the AH. I avoid bringing people over to her place, especially people from my job, because of how juvenile it looks.”
“Everyone’s impressed when they see the high rise, but that quickly fades once you enter.”
“The one time I brought a work colleague over they ended up telling me after that they found her insect wall terrifying. I work in finance and appearances and first impressions are important.”
“My office will hold casual gatherings where we get together for a few drinks, good food, and we rotate hosts. And this time, it’s my turn.”
“The problem is my place is under some construction and not an ideal place to be right now, so I’ve been staying with my girlfriend.”
“My girlfriend suggested that we host my colleagues here since she has the space and thinks it’ll be fun.”
“I told her I planned on skipping my rotation and seeing if the next person would be okay with hosting early.”
“She kept pressing on why I didn’t want them over here, so I finally said it’s because her home decor is strange and not something a grown woman would have, and also that her insect wall horrified the one colleague that did come over.”
“My girlfriend got mad and said at the end of the day, it’s not my space and these things bring her joy.”
“She also said that she is indeed an adult woman, which is exactly why her apartment is decorated in such a manner.”
“I love my girlfriend, I do. And it’s okay to have different interests. But does an adult really need to decorate with them besides a few things here and there?”
“I mean, my own mother asked if my girlfriend was autistic after she saw the entire apartment for the first time.”
“So Reddit, AITA for telling my girlfriend her home decor is the reason I won’t host a work gathering at her place?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“‘I think her home decor is childish.’”
“I.N.F.O.: What age children usually have preserved tarantulas and vampire squids as home decor?”
“[edit] Obviously, the question was rhetorical.”
“It’s fine if you think her apartment’s ambience isn’t appropriate for a work event, but YTA for dating someone you don’t actually like and then expecting them to dull who they are so your coworkers don’t get the vapors.”
“Yeah, I know you say you like her, and I’m sure you like her appearance and her money and her high-status building, but you clearly have nothing but disdain for her personality and interests.”
“She doesn’t have to beige herself down to satisfy your weird obsession with appearing ‘adult’.” – thecatinthemask
“YTA. So you don’t like her interests. You don’t have to be judgemental about it. Your one and only experience bringing someone over they were “terrified” of the insect display.”
“So this one person and your own distaste has convinced you that everyone would be terrified??”
“You don’t need to bring your work colleagues over, but if you yourself look down on your gf because of her interests and how she chooses to decorate, maybe you shouldn’t be with her.” – ParsimoniousSalad
“Yeah, you don’t really love her. If you did, you would rejoice in these FANTASTIC examples of her quirkiness. She sounds great.”
“YTA because you’re pretending to love this woman but you secretly look down on her and feel superior.”
“Break up with her and let her find someone who will cherish her awesomeness.” – Competitive-Way7780
“I hate people who gatekeep adulthood. They’re stuffy and boring and have no sense of whimsy.”
“Why do people have to give up the stuff they enjoy just because they reach an arbitrary age that makes them an adult? That’s bullsh*t. Love what you love and celebrate it until the day you die!”
“And the triangle dude is almost certainly Bill Cipher.” – Ryanookami
“YTA – Let’s say for a second that her decor could actually cause problem in your work (which I very highly doubt), there are 2 ways to go about it:”
“1. Say that your collegeaus are a bit pretentions and close-minded, and you don’t think they would react positively to decor that’s outside of their norm.”
“2. Insult her taste and her.”
“? If this was really just about your collegeaus, you would have gone with the first option. But it’s not, is it? The way you talked to her and the way you have written about it show that.”
“The fact of the matter is that you don’t like her decor and you saw this as an opportunity to show your true opinions about it, by insulting her decor and insulting her.” – CryptographerBest909
“YTA for insulting her really, why wouldn’t you decorate your home with things you love? That’s one of the best things about having your own place, that you can put whatever you want in it.”
“Besides, isn’t it a little juvenile to bring your classmates from school to your house for snackies and juice? That’s what you sound like, and it’s completely arbitrary.”
“The fact is, she’s not a child. She is a grown woman, and that is her place. You are the one that needs to grow up.” – Superliminal_MyAs** [censored]
“YTA- also I won’t lie to you, I exclaimed “awesome” when I read about the cartoon wall of futurama and presumably gravity falls and then again about the bugs- you do realise these are her interests?”
“If you don’t like them/ her home decor are you sure this relationship will work in the long run?” – Agreeable-Series9791
“YTA. Brooo. If you want a plain Jane, just break up with her already and save her the trouble.”
“Sounds like you already disliked her decor and when some few people agreed with you, you think you’re in the right.”
“And When you mentioned her career/salary it sounds like because she does so well, you think she should act a certain way.”
“Cause there’s no way a successful adult has such “childish” interests or decorum. It’s literally her own apartment like you said. Like she is right, you don’t have a say nor opinion.”
“Hopefully she breaks up with you cause you sound like an unsupportive partner.”
“Like yeah couple’s can have different interests, but once you start telling the other partner they shouldn’t enjoy or collect their interests/hobbies, that’s crossing a line.” – Interesting_Cup_7598
“YTA”
“What exactly is childish about tarantulas? Or anglerfish? I’m not sure you actually know what the word childish means, you’re just using it as a catch all to try and put your girlfriend down.”
“It’s pretty sh*tty of you to put down her interests as childish just because you don’t share them.”
“Fine, you don’t want to host at her apartment. But to say that a grown woman shouldn’t decorate how she wants in her own home is ridiculous.”
“I’d argue you’re the one who needs to grow up. Who cares how she decorates? Just because it’s not the standard crate & barrel home decor doesn’t make it wrong.”
“You seem very preoccupied with other peoples perceptions. And like you’ve surrounded yourself with equally judgy people.”
“I’d love it if I went to a party and the hosts had their interests displayed like that! If nothing else it’s a guaranteed conversation starter.”
“You’ve insulted your girlfriend, her interests, and her taste. I have to wonder why she’s still with you.”
“Also, your mom is incredibly TA for asking if she’s autistic just because she has slightly unusual home decor. What the f*ck?”
“Just because someone isn’t exactly the same as you doesn’t make them neurodivergent.”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with being autistic, but from the way you wrote it it does sound like your mom meant it in a derogatory way. Not cool.”
“You should’ve shut that down immediately and told your mom off for saying that” – NJtoOx
Looks like the girlfriend might be taking down the photos of her with the OP… but we urge to keep everything else because it sounds awesome.