For some brides and grooms, a wedding is all about tradition.
While they might pick a venue, gown or band which is unique to them, their wedding might also include something which has been part of their family’s traditions for generations.
These include using the same church, wearing the same tie, or dancing to the same music.
For the sister of Redditor PrincessDurian, it was wearing the same veil, which all the eldest daughters in her family wore in their weddings as a sign of good luck.
Much to her horror, the bride realized she forgot to bring it to her wedding venue, and ordered the original poster (OP) to pick it up.
While the OP was initially willing to oblige, the behavior of her sister eventually led to her deciding not to return to the wedding, much to her sister’s outrage.
Wondering if she made a mistake, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for rushing home to get my sister’s forgotten wedding veil, but giving up on bringing it to her?”
The OP explained why though she was willing to drive back to her sister’s house to retrieve her veil, she ultimately declined to bring it to the wedding.
“My oldest sister Odette just got married at a venue that (with no traffic) is about two hours and fifteen minutes away.”
“Odette planned to wear great-great grandma Mary’s veil, which has a distinct lace pattern and is passed to only the eldest daughter.”
“In our family it’s considered good luck, heavily sentimental, and we have multiple bridal pictures of eldest daughters in the veil while standing with their mom and grandma.”
“The bridal party and family met at Odette’s house before driving to the venue.”
“The veil had been in a garment bag, hung up in front of a closet door, but the door had been opened, the hanger fell off, and none of us missed it when we packed up.”
“We made it to the venue by noon for the 4pm wedding.”
“Odette realized the veil was missing and ran to me in a panic, insisting I needed to be the one to go find it: mom wouldn’t drive fast enough, middle sister Constance was her MOH, and dad was dealing with setup.”
“I didn’t think I could make it there and back, but Odette insisted and said that if needed we could stall the ceremony a little.”
“I floored it but sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for almost two hours, Waze estimating I wouldn’t be at her house until at least 2:45pm.”
“I texted Odette that if I didn’t turn around now, I wasn’t going to make it.”
“She texted back ‘JUST GET IT HERE’.”
“When I emphasized that I wouldn’t make it for her wedding ceremony or reception if I didn’t turn around, she said ‘The photographer doesn’t leave until 7, just get it here before then so mom, grandma, and I can take pictures’.”
“I made it to her house on adrenaline, but it took me forever to find the veil and get on the road again.”
“Odette’s texts continued after the wedding ceremony and pictures. I was already exhausted, sitting in rush hour traffic, and upset that I’d missed the entire thing.”
“After re-reading our texts they were all about Mary’s veil.”
“I realized that she didn’t care at all about me being there, which upset me enough to turn around at 5:30pm, with an estimated arrival of 6:30pm and getting later.”
“I texted Odette that I was sorry, but the veil was put up and the house key was in the flower pot.”
“I woke up to a ton of angry texts from her accusing me of ruining her wedding and not trying hard enough to get back.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not bringing her sister her wedding veil.
Everyone agreed that if it was more important for her sister to have her veil than her own sister at her wedding, the OP was under no obligation to return to the wedding, or bring her sister her veil.
“If something was that important to me, I would have driven everyone insane with my bazillion check-ins to ensure it was still set to get packed AND I would never have let the car start before ensuring it was indeed with me. NTA.”
‘What bothers me even more though, is the fact that only the oldest can wear it.”
“Maybe I don’t get it because I’m an only child, but I just don’t understand why being born second or third should prevent you from being able to take part in a beautiful tradition.”- mellysuzanne
“NTA.”
“When the absence of a veil ruins a wedding more than the absence of a family member, your priorities are skewed and you are owed nothing.”
“Especially from the family member who wasn’t even missed.”- WaywardMarauder
“NTA – I’m getting golden child vibes here and I’m sorry that you were treated this way.”
“You deserved better from your sister in this moment.”
“Please take space for yourself.”
“Also, if the veil was so important it would’ve been with her dress.”
“Just sayin.”- CuriousTsukihime
“NTA: OP, You were assigned an impossible task.”
“Your sister is misplacing her disappointment & blaming you for her own mistake.”
“That must be incredibly upsetting.”
“She can have pictures taken with the veil at a later date.”- stephnetkin
“NTA.”
“The veil is allowed only for eldest daughter to wear, and younger siblings don’t even have access to the sentimental family tradition experience.”
“Younger sibling is expected to just be a servant for this special ‘grandmother, mother and daughter (all eldest daughter only)’ exclusive and privileged family photo that a servant is not allowed to be in.”
“Eldest daughter bride doesn’t even care younger sibling miss to attend wedding ceremony and reception.”- p9nultimat9
“NTA.”
“Don’t worry though.”
“Just make sure to bring the viel to her second wedding cause lord knows if this is how she treats people theres gonna be a divorce.”- Angry-trans
“NTA.”
“I cannot imagine having my sibling miss my entire wedding for a veil, even if it is sentimental.”
“She could have easily picked a day after the wedding to recreate some pictures with it, that’s what it would have been by the point you got there anyway since she didn’t have it all day.”
“She shouldn’t have asked you to go in the first place.”- BetterDay2733
“NTA!”
“My chuppah didn’t work out.”
“Multiple issues, mostly on the part of the venue, and we ended up just saying f*ck it and moving on.”
“The chuppah, by the way, is a critical symbolic aspect of the Jewish ceremony as it delineates the home you are making with your spouse.”
“It’s also absolutely jarringly absent from my wedding photos.”
“And it’s extra sad because we had a fantastic specialty chuppah made by a close friend entirely of beautiful twinkly lights, it would’ve been utterly magical.”
“Now let me tell you all about how we had an incredible wedding that embodied every Jewish tradition we could muster and felt perfectly suited for us, and I barely even think about the chuppah or the other things that didn’t go perfectly.”
“And no chance in hell I’d have sent anyone, anyone, from our guests to go get a chuppah even if it were infinitely doable.”
“A wedding is a f*cking party, it should be tailored for your guests to enjoy themselves while sharing in your happiness.”
“Anything else is a mockery of the institution.”- Flippinsushi
“NTA.”
“There was no winning in this situation.”
“You say you won’t go and you’re the bad guy.”
“You show up late (after 7) and you’re the bad guy.”
“They were going to be angry with you no matter what, I completely agree with what you did.”
“All that time in the car gave you time to reflect on the way your older sister was acting and it made it really obvious that you shouldn’t be treated this way, ESPECIALLY not over a veil.”
“I hope you got to catch up on some podcasts or something so that time wasn’t wasted.”
“I’m sorry you’re related to someone so selfish.”- peepeedmypoopoo
“The biggest AH is whoever invented this bs ‘eldest daughter only!’ wedding tradition.”
“Why aren’t younger sisters entitled to some good luck, too?”
“Signed, a salty middle sister.”- bunnyhop2005
“NTA.”
“You went above and beyond but it seems like it was never going to work with that traffic.”
“Plus, it doesn’t sound like you would have made it back in time for the photographer anyway.”
“Truly if this were such a once in a lifetime tradition for the bride, she should have assigned someone to be responsible for the veil.”
“As it was, it was just a series of unfortunate events that became your problem.”
“Don’t let it.”
“I’ve known brides who have taken their wedding photos a week or two after the wedding.”
“Is it annoying and costly?”
“Sure.”
“But if it’s that important, it’s doable.”
“Future generations won’t know or care.”
“For the record, I think the tradition of only the oldest wearing it is dumb.”- BreakfastF00ds
One can sympathize with the OP’s sister’s disappointment in not being able to continue a longstanding family tradition.
However, if her decision was whether she wanted a picture in the veil or her own sister at her wedding, the choice should have been obvious.
Even so, the OP’s sister made the wrong choice, a choice she will likely regret for the rest of her life.