When in a committed relationship, doing things solo tends to become more and more rare, and almost all plans are made with the intent of your partner joining you.
Of course, sometimes that just isn’t possible, for a multitude of reasons.
When these situations occur, some people might relish having some solo time.
Others, however, feel nothing but an overwhelming sense of loneliness, or even FOMO.
Redditor ComprehensiveHat1319 was looking forward to a major family event, which he expected his wife to join him on.
Unfortunately, the work schedule of the original poster (OP)’s wife made her attendance impossible.
After some considerable thought, the OP ultimately decided to attend the event without his wife.
A decision that did not sit well with his wife one bit.
Wondering if he was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for attending my brother’s wedding even though my wife couldn’t?”
The OP explained why he attended his brother’s wedding without his wife:
“Me & her (both age 27) are in relationship since 6+ years (college time) and got married 2 yrs ago.”
“Happy, healthy relationship overall (what I honestly think).”
“We both are paired well with each other’s family too.”
“My younger brother recently got married on 2 Nov.”
“It was a high cost wedding, only the close ones were invited, like 15-20 people from his side.”
“Me & my wife were obviously invited.”
“The issue is, she works in a bank where leaves are very limited & hard to get.”
“I’m carrying my Dad’s business, hence I’m my own boss and can take as much leaves as I want.”
“To attend the event, we needed at least 5 days, as it was a destination wedding at a very beautiful place.”
“She tried, but as expected, it wasn’t possible for her to come.”
“We both were sad and confused, but I had to tell if I’m coming or not to my brother in advance, as he was doing the travel preparation of everyone in 2 traveller vehicles.”
“So, with a super heavy heart, I decided to go.”
“It isn’t like she wasn’t invited, the blame goes to the the circumstances.”
“I said the same to her, comforting and asking if she wants me to do any favor before going to the wedding.”
“Got her fav chocolates before going too.”
“She behaved neutral.”
“I knew she was feeling left out, but it was my beloved brother’s wedding after all.”
“Now since my return, she’s giving me a cold shoulder and gets miffed whenever someone shares the wedding pics or talks about it on the family group.”
“I try to clear my intentions again, but she is listening from one ear and throwing it out from the other one.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for going to his brother’s wedding without his wife.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s wife should not have expected him to skip his brother’s wedding just because she couldn’t go herself.
“NTA It is incredibly unreasonable to expect you miss your brother’s wedding because her employer didn’t approve her time off.”
“She needs to stop acting like a toddler over it.”- Spare-Shirt24
“NTA.”
“It’s your brother’s wedding.”
“Expecting you to miss it just because she can’t get off work is incredibly selfish and immature.”-sfzen
“NTA.”
“Your wife was invited.”
“She couldn’t go. It’s your brother, so you couldn’t miss it.”
“She’s being bratty about it, but hopefully she’ll get over it.”
“Does she behave like this in other situations when you disagree?”
“It’s passive aggressive behavior and if it happens often, you should address it.”
“If it’s just this one thing, maybe see if she stops after a few weeks.”
“But her reaction is a sign of emotional immaturity.”- National_Pension_110
“NTA.”
“She should have 100% encouraged you to go.”
“It is your brothers wedding.”
“It isn’t like she wasn’t invited – she couldn’t attend.”
“Expecting you to miss it is selfish.”
“You are married.”
“You aren’t co-joined twins.”- RachSlixi
“NTA.”
“There was no reason for you to miss your brother’s wedding.”
Your wife is just pissy because she missed out hopefully she gets over it soon.”- keesouth
“NTA.”
“She should understand you wouldn’t miss your brother’s wedding.”
“It wasn’t your fault nor hers but the situation sucked.”- Left-Heart-6078
“NTA.”
“The only person she should be annoyed with is her employer, you did the right thing given the circumstances.”- Urbanyeti0
“Obviously NTA.”
“Your wife is acting childish.”
“Sure she feels left out but it was her job and she couldn’t get leave.”
“Neither of you is at fault here.”
“What were you supposed to do to please her?”
“Not go to your brother’s wedding?”
“That would make her an AH and very selfish if that is what she wanted.”
“She is acting unreasonable.”
“Sure she is disappointed she couldn’t go but it was out of your hands.”
“She shouldn’t be giving you cold shoulder over this and treating you like that.”
“If my partner could not make it to a wedding, she will ask me how it was, if I took pictures, etc. and we would talk about it and vice versa.”- TRAFALGAR_D_Law_
“Definitely NTAH.”
“I would ignore her poor behavior.”
“She’s very immature.”- Competitive_Ninja668
“NTA.”
“But you need to have a conversation with her.”
“If the roles were reversed, would she really miss her sister’s/best friend’s wedding because you couldn’t go?”- Spiritual_Truth_5152
“NTA.”
“But you two need to talk.”
“She’s probably not mad at you but she’s mad at the situation.”
“More so if she doesn’t like her job or there’s something going on there.”
“I’m not sure how long I’d keep dwelling on missing every fun and important family event because the job I hate but make a lot of money at won’t let me go.”
“That’s a dilemma for a middle aged person, not the under 40’s or over 70’s.”- No-Agent-1611
“NTA.”
“I can see why she’s upset.”
“But TBH it was your brother and sometimes these things don’t work out.”- rmc
“NTA.”
“But why were you both confused, if you both expected she wouldn’t get the time off?”
“She’s being immature to pout after the fact, when she presumably cares for our brother.”
“The two of you should plan a little dinner party for the newlyweds, and take lots of photos and celebrate together.”- Euphoric_Travel2541
“NTA.”
“I call BS on not being able to get off without enough warning.”
“That is your brother you had every right to go.”- Brefailslife420
“NTA.”
“It is not your fault if she could not get time off.”
“It is unfair to expect you to miss an important event like this because of her job.”- 9inkski3s
“NTA.”
“I get what she is feeling but she was invited and all and couldn’t get off from work.”
“So therefore not your fault.”
“Did she want you to miss your brothers wedding?”
“Even if she would do that for you that would’ve been her choice.”
“If she keeps being salty just don’t react.”
“If she wants a sorry or attention she can ask for it since she is 27 and your longtime partner.”
“I wonder what you tell her when you clear your intentions?”- Accomplished_News824
“NTA.”
“She’s probably using this as a power play.”
“She wasn’t in the hospital with heart surgery.”
“She couldn’t get off work, and this sort of thing will happen to her again in her life when she has to miss friends’ parties or whatever.”
“She should get used to it.”
“She will also miss out on things if the two of you have children and kid’s soccer tourney is the same day an old friend is in town taking other friends to lunch.”
“She needs to build up that disappointment muscle.”- Icy-Mixture-995
“Going NTA.”
“She was invited.”
“It’s her employers fault that she couldn’t go.”
“No need to miss his wedding for circumstances that you can not control and have no influence on.”-WinEquivalent4069
“NTA.”
“This is adult working life; and you have been very attentive to her feelings.”- ServelanDarrow
“Tbh, I find it hard to believe that she couldn’t (with advanced notice given for these kinds of weddings) get enough time off to at least go for 2 or 3 days to the destination wedding.”
“But even if she really could not, expecting you to miss out is childish.”
“NTA.”- hadMcDofordinner
“She’s peeved that you wouldn’t miss your brother’s wedding just because she couldn’t go?”
“You are absolutely NTA.”- wesmorgan1
It would be one thing if the OP told his wife that he didn’t want her to join him at his brother’s wedding.
However, that was not the case, as he did very much want her to join, but her work simply didn’t permit, making her resentment towards the OP more than a little questionable.
Indeed, she might want to consider how he would probably behave around her if she forced him to miss his brother’s wedding.