Almost everyone wants to be there for their family whenever possible.
That said, not everyone can drop everything to provide the care and attention some family members might need.
No matter how much the rest of their family might expect them to.
Redditor Jolly_Situation2185 had a spare room in the apartment she shared with her roommate.
Upon hearing about this, the original poster (OP)'s father suggested that her sister move in and take the room.
A request the OP couldn't oblige.
While the OP offered an alternate suggestion to her parents, they were shocked and appalled by her suggestion.
Concerned she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not wanting to move my morbidly obese bedridden sister in with me?"
The OP explained why she refused to let her sister take the spare room in her apartment:
"Not the A-holeI (23 F[emale]) am about to finish my BSN and will be doing a residency program when I graduate."
"So in the next few months to year, I would be very busy."
"I live in a 3 bed 2 bath apartment with one roommate, and 1 bedroom is currently empty and we are looking for someone to rent."
"My dad found out he has to relocate temporarily for his job, where him and my mom will be living in a company compound with others who will be relocating."
"My sister (28 F[emale]) has never left home, completely dependent on my parents, no source of income."
"She is over 700 pounds, bedridden, 'needs' round-the-clock care, and has an attitude a saint couldn’t forgive."
"For those reasons, she can’t be moved into the company compound with my parents."
"My parents caught wind of me and my roommate looking for someone to rent out the extra bedroom we have."
"The idea came to them that we should move my sister in with us."
"This would be fine if she was able to do things for herself."
"However my parents are expecting me to be her 'caregiver'."
"They tried negotiating with me by saying they would wire me a mere $200 a month to 'cover her costs'."
"This means all of the following: bathing her, clothing her, feeding her, and keeping her bed/room clean."
"I cannot be caring for people 10-12 hours a day, and come home to another person I have to care for the rest of my time."
"I suggested putting her in a nursing home, because I can’t see the situation working out for either of us."
'Two hours away is a nursing home/rehab for bariatric patients that she could easily go to."
"My parents were appalled and said they could never do that to their daughter."
"But why should the responsibility of taking care of my behemoth sister be thrust onto me, when I would already be working very long hours doing the exact same thing?"
"So Reddit, AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to let her sister move in with her.
Everyone agreed that the OP knew she couldn't provide the care her sister needed, and her parents should have accepted that moving her into a nursing home was probably the right thing to do:
"NTA."
"Do NOT back down on this."
"Caring for a 700lb bedridden individual is a multi-person job requiring Hoyer lifts, specialized medical beds, and round-the-clock physical assistance—your landlord and roommate would lose their minds, and you would be setting yourself up for catastrophic physical injury."
"Your parents enabled her into this state, and now that it’s inconvenient for their job relocation, they want to pawn off years of institutional neglect onto you for $200 a month."
"A specialized bariatric rehab is the only safe option here."- Fluffy-Girll
"Once she's in and your parents realize the freedom of living away from her, you'll never get her out."
"Time for some tough love."
"NTA."- Familiar-Dark-4831
"NTA."
"You can't work 12-hour nursing shifts just to come home and do the same exhausting labor for free."
"Your roommate didn't sign up for this, and $200 is an insult."
"Don't set yourself on fire to keep your parents comfortable."- selizea
"NTA."
"Once you take her in, she is never leaving."
'Either have your housemate suddenly need the spare room or find someone so that option is no longer available. $200 per month is unlikely to cover food/share of bills."- Comfortable-Sun-9273
"NTA."
"It sounds like your parents have enabled themselves into a hole."
"It is not your responsibility to dig them out."
"Your sister cannot be 700lbs without their extremely diligent help."
"Good luck to them all."- TrickyPea4283
"They could never put her daughter in a nursing home?"
"They did her way worse by letting this situation happen in the first place."
"NTA."- FranzLimit
"'She is over 700 pounds, bedridden, “needs” round-the-clock care, and has an attitude a saint couldn’t forgive. For those reasons, she can’t be moved into the company compound with my parents'."
"Either your parents move her with them, one of them stays back to care for her (or they pay for carers to live with her at your parents' house) or she's put in a suitable home."
"OP is not the answer to their problem, and $200/month is laughable - would that cover her room, food AND personal care?"
"Call their bluff and suggest they pay carers to stay with her in their current home - if they claim that $200 wouldn't be enough, then say 'But you expect ME to do it for that price?'"- bythebrook88
"NTA."
"This will ruin your life for the foreseeable future."
"You'll be taking on a mammoth task, and you will be looking after her until death."
"You won't have a life to speak of; I'd be surprised if you even get to pursue your intended career if you allowed her to move in."
"Stand your ground and do not give in."
"This is solely your parents' responsibility, and they're trying to palm off their combined responsibility onto you."- Due-Parsley953
"NTA."
"And more than that, the nursing home could be a breakthrough for her in a way that round-the-clock home care from you or your parents could ever be as long as it continues this way (this coming from someone who has had weight loss surgery)."-candyparfumgirl
"NTA."
"Speaking from experience, caring for someone, even if they are underweight, is physically demanding and emotionally challenging."
"Also, it is completely inappropriate for a bedbound individual to be dependent on someone who is out of the house for 10-12 hours a day."
"What is your sister supposed to do if she needs to go to the bathroom?"
"Sit in her own mess until you get home?"
"Ask your parents if that's what they want for her."- thatstoomuchsauce
"NTA."
"No no no."
"She is the responsibility of your parents, 100% not you."
"Nursing home is the correct answer, for her as well as for you."- ReadMeDrMemory
"NTA."
"YOU CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN."
"She needs professional help, and you need your life back."
"Your parents should be appalled they thought they could ruin their daughter’s life for a work opportunity."
"$200 a month is insulting."
"That won’t even cover her food."
"A nursing home/rehab is the only sensible option."
"She won’t lose weight because she doesn’t want to."
"But she doesn’t need to take up space in your life."- SnooPoems2118
"NTA."
"No no no."
"She is the responsibility of your parents, 100% not you."
"Nursing home is the correct answer, for her as well as for you."- ReadMeDrMemory
"NTA."
"You ever watch 1,000 pound sisters?"
"The whole family is super morbidly obese, but one of them was 700 pounds."
"She’d refuse to care for herself, and the siblings each took their turn caring for her."
"She was insanely difficult and not appreciative of the help; the sibling tossed her out, and she’d just move in with the next one."
"She even lost weight but is so permanently stuck as a helpless baby person that she is still difficult and demanding."
"You sound like you have a great life plan and you don’t need anyone derailing that."
"Caregiver for the sibling is probably the best bet for your parents."
"If she’s on disability, it may be covered."- BabalonBimbo
It would be one thing if the OP's sister were self-sufficient and could contribute to the apartment's rent and upkeep.
However, asking the OP to be her sister's full-time caregiver on top of her normal duties is a very large ask, which the OP should not feel obligated to oblige.
Indeed, suggesting her sister move into a nursing home, where she would receive round-the-clock care, shows she was truly thinking about what would be best for her sister, unlike her parents.
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