A wedding guest list can be arduous to assemble.
With the cost of weddings these days, every guest has a price, and every penny is counted.
So, inviting animals can cause a bit of an issue.
At the very least, where do they fit in the photos?
It’s a conundrum.
Redditor Plenty_Tap9799 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA – Do not want a service dog to participate in my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m (28 F[emale]) am getting married in the spring.”
“I’ve asked one of my best friends to be one of my bridesmaids.”
“She has a service dog for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. “
“I respect her dog and am glad she has it in her life.”
“My Fiancé and I don’t particularly care for dogs, and we’ve decided we don’t want her service dog in our photos or in the ceremony.”
“When I asked her, she got excited and immediately said her dog could wear something to match the rest of the bridesmaids.”
“That’s when I explained that the dog could come to the wedding, but wouldn’t be an active participant in the day.”
“We don’t want it in photos or in the ceremony.”
“It could go to photos, but not be in them.”
“It’ll be off to the side for the 10-15 minute ceremony.”
“In preliminary discussions with our photographer, we’ve brought this up.”
“She did not take it well.”
“Called me an a**hole and ableist, and it was not a constructive conversation after the ask.”
“She hasn’t accepted my offer to be a bridesmaid, but she hasn’t declined formally.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I’m too European for this. NTA.” ~ angrypassionfruit
“A dog is not a wheelchair, yeah, I think that’s kinda gross, but I’m still going NTA on this specific situation.”
“Wedding pictures and the like are always partly going to be about aesthetics, and asking that an animal that doesn’t have much significance to the bride and groom not be included in the pictures is perfectly reasonable and not ableist.” ~ c**t_in_wonderland
“NTA, you said you’re okay with your friend having the dog at the wedding, just did not want the dog to be an active participant in the wedding ceremony and photos.”
“I feel like anyone voting YTA did not read the post fully and assumed the bride does not want the bridesmaid to bring the dog AT ALL.”
“And that is clearly not true.”
“The bride says the dog at the wedding, to the side, is fine.”
“But to be an active participant in the wedding ceremony and the photos is not.”
“The bride doesn’t want the dog in the photo, so why does she need to have photos with the dog to placate her friend?”
“It’s not her friend’s wedding, and it’s not the friend who is paying for the photos either.” ~ theflippingbear
“So many commenters lack reading comprehension.”
“You didn’t say that the service dog couldn’t be present to do its job, just that you didn’t want it to be an active participant in the ceremony or in the photos. NTA.” ~ mvmgems
“I think the majority of people didn’t actually read the post, because some of these comments are wild.”
“The dog could be placed legitimately one foot out of the frame for photos and the ceremony. NTA.” ~ be1izabeth0908
“NTA. You’re not preventing her service dog from going.”
“You just don’t want it in pictures.”
“It would be the same as not letting her date be in your pictures if they aren’t part of the wedding.” ~ isthatacorsage
“You’re not asking her to leave the dog home.”
“You just don’t want him/her in photographs!”
“Your friend is being unreasonable. NTA.” ~ NoSummer1345
“The friend wanting to dress up the dog is weird if it’s a service dog instead of an emotional support dog.”
“I don’t know why more people didn’t catch that it’s allowed there, but not participating in the ceremony or pictures.”
“I think that it’s reasonable for a service dog not to be involved in a ceremony that’s not about his person.” ~ Impossible-Oven3242
“NTA and everyone saying otherwise is being ridiculous.”
“I feel like they didn’t read this at all.”
“You’re not telling her she can’t have her service animal/medical equipment present.”
“The dog just isn’t walking down the aisle or being in photos.”
“She can still dress the dog for a wedding to match her, and she can still have the dog sit at her feet to perform duties as needed.”
“But the dog is not going to be part of the bridal party itself.”
“And there’s nothing effing wrong with that.”
“And before anyone starts to flip out and white-knight, until December 2024, we had a service dog in our house for our child.”
“This isn’t discrimination; she’s not being denied her dog, the dog is just not a bridesmaid.” ~visceralthrill
“I agree.”
“Comparing this particular dog to a wheelchair or an oxygen tank is not a fair comparison.”
“If the friend were to start having a panic attack in the middle of the ceremony or during pictures, obviously, she should be able to have access to her dog.”
“But she doesn’t need the dog to be attached to her in order to stand at the altar or take a picture, unlike someone in a wheelchair or on an oxygen tank.”
“If OP were banning the dog altogether, that would be an AH move.”
“But surely the friend can participate in the ceremony and take some pictures without involving the dog. NTA.” ~ cbm984
“NTA. If she had a sign language interpreter, would they be in the photos?”
“If it is a fully registered and trained service dog, someone should easily be able to bring the dog in and out of the picture-taking zone between takes, then.”
“They can wait 5ft out of the frame.” ~ bird-eating-ramen
“My dad has a fully-trained service dog for PTSD related to his service in the Gulf.”
“The dog needs to be nearby.”
“It does not need to be attached.”
“She will be just fine with the dog sitting 10 feet away. NTA.” ~ BeginningSun247
“NTA, I have no idea what people here are going on about.”
“The dog is invited to the wedding for f**ks sake.”
“It’s okay to leave guests out of your pictures, and not all guests get their moment to walk down the aisle.”
“You are not denying your friend her dog; you are just asking her to stand 15-20 feet away for 20-30 minutes for a ceremony and step away periodically for pictures.”
“That is already very accommodating.”
“If your friend isn’t comfortable participating in the manner you have invited her to participate, she could have a different role.”
“It would be much less stressful to be a guest with her dog than to be in a wedding if she can’t be 20 feet away for half an hour.” ~ miragud
“NTA. She needs the dog there.”
“She doesn’t need the dog beside her in the photos.”
“And as for dressing the dog up – no.”
“That’s your choice, not hers.” ~ AuroraDF
“NTA, insane that people think you should accommodate a dog in your wedding photos.” ~ nat2bad
“NTA. The replies on here are wild.”
“There is 0 reason for her dog to be in photos or a part of the ceremony.”
“As long as the dog is near her and can do its job if needed, I don’t see why anything else matters.”
“It’s also for PTSD, not a life-threatening condition.”
“It’s rough, but she isn’t going to drop dead if the dog isn’t right next to her the entire time.”
“Does she generally take her dog with her everywhere?”
“To work, appointments, meals, hangouts at friends’ houses?”
“This doesn’t sound like she needs the dog to be heavily involved for her safety.”
“It sounds like she’s one of those people who treat their dogs like children and are shocked when nobody feels the same.” ~ stalecigsmell
“NTA – I don’t usually comment on posts like this, but I am so blown away by all of the responses that disagree.”
“She’s a close enough friend that you invited her to be a bridesmaid.”
“You told her the dog is not a problem to come.”
“You said the dog can be nearby during the photos.”
“I think these are all reasonable asks. It is not her wedding.”
“The dog doesn’t have to be in photos to be servicing her a few feet away for a few minutes.”
“People who are calling you ableist and equating a living dog to a wheelchair or hearing aid are blowing this out of proportion.”
“Did anyone even read the post?”
“The dog is a welcome guest still and will literally be right there the whole time.”
“Just because the dog isn’t part of the ceremony or photos does not make you a bad person.”
“If this friendship is important to you, allow the dog in and pay extra to photoshop it out.”
“Let her keep the originals, and you keep one too, so she doesn’t feel unseen.”
“Wishing you a happy resolution and a happy life with your partner.” ~ nooneaskedyou
“Why do people keep acting like the dog has to stay home?”
“The dog can come to the wedding, sit on the side, and I assume she can manage being no more than 5-10 feet away for 10-15 minutes. NTA.” ~ Silent_Wrongdoer3601
“Not sure why everyone is flipping out over this.”
“You’re asking the dog to be off to the side, still in view for like 30 minutes of the day, total.”
“She’s not a friend if she’s so self-centered that she needs her dog to take over someone else’s wedding. NTA.” ~ saucybishh
Reddit is with you, OP.
You’re ok with the dog at the wedding. And you set the rules about photos.
It’s YOUR special day.
Enjoy it. Congrats!