The truth is, we never really know what a person is going through, and when we assume we do, we will either develop feelings of judgment or jealousy.
The funny thing about jealousy is that it can go both ways.
A person may think they have a reason to be jealous when they actually don’t, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor biryaniforbreakfast was surprised when her future sister-in-law refused to invite her to her wedding because of wanting to be the most beautiful person in attendance.
When the bride wouldn’t budge, even when she offered to dress down, the Original Poster (OP) realized how adamant the bride was about her not being there.
She asked the sub:
“AITA because I told my husband that my sister-in-law (SIL) uninvited me from her wedding?”
The OP noticed her sister-in-law was constantly commenting on her looks.
“So my SIL (26) has always been jealous of my looks, she’s made comments about my outfits, my makeup, how I should dress my age (I’m 24), etc.”
“She also feels the need to loudly remark around me that ‘looks aren’t everything,’ ‘people who wear makeup are shallow,’ etc.”
“I’ve never reacted to this since she seems to have low self-esteem and I feel bad for her.”
It seemed the SIL’s future husband noticed her looks, too.
“She’s getting married next month.”
“Her fiance seems to be nice, but we’ve had some awkward encounters.”
“Like when I was wearing a slightly low-cut dress, he kept glancing towards my chest.”
“He’s also stared at my legs in the past. And he’s usually confident and extroverted, but kind of gets shy and stumbles while speaking to me.”
The OP was surprised when she heard about her SIL’s wedding plans.
“My SIL recently spoke to me in private and asked me to not come to the wedding.”
“She said, ‘I deserve to be the most beautiful person at my wedding, and you’ll spoil that for me. I want all eyes to be on me, not you.'”
“I told her I’d skip makeup and wear a simple dress, but she made it clear I couldn’t be there.”
“Since I know she doesn’t like me, I didn’t argue with her. I don’t even like social situations so this was a win for me.”
But the OP’s husband was unhappy with the plan.
“Later, I told my husband what she’d said, and informed him that I wasn’t going.”
“He got angry, called her and said that was a cruel thing to do, and said he wouldn’t attend either if I wasn’t invited (I hadn’t asked him to do that, I had mentioned the whole thing pretty casually).”
“Later my SIL sent me a long text calling me a b***h for snitching to him, and wanting to ‘flaunt my looks’.”
“So was I the a**hole because I told him the reason? I know she’s insecure about her looks, so maybe I should’ve come up with another excuse.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some didn’t understand what the SIL was thinking would happen.
“I’m curious. Did your SIL think your husband was never going to find out that you weren’t going to the wedding? Like, you were gonna have to tell him at some point, so why is she so upset that he knows? I feel like she didn’t really think this through.”
“Also, is she expecting you to show up to her wedding in lingerie or something? Unless it’s an incredibly formal wedding, very few dresses will really stand out next to a wedding dress.”
“And if she’s so insecure and so concerned about being the most beautiful person there, then she shouldn’t be having a very formal wedding. If she thinks that you’re going to overshadow her when you skip makeup and wear a simple dress and she’s got full glam hair and makeup and a wedding gown, then either her insecurities run insanely deep or you are the most beautiful person on the planet.” – SophieSchrodie
“Who is coming to this wedding? Have all females been told that they are not to wear dresses (in June???) for fear her new husband’s eyes may wander? Does she believe that all of her guests aren’t ‘pretty’?”
“NTA. And it isn’t snitching when you’d have to explain your absence to other members of the family/friends? Are you expected to fake sickness after being uninvited due to the bride’s insecurities? It *IS* their day, but the only person that seems to need convincing is her.” – thesounditmakes28
“How on earth did she think her wedding day was gonna go in your household or leading up to it?”
“Husband getting ready, asks if you’re ready, what are you doing, etc… Are you supposed to drop the news you’re not going with him then? Say you’ll meet him there and not turn up?”
“You had to tell him. And that inevitably invited the question, why are you not going? So why lie?”
“She’s reaping what she sows. She said those words. She has to live with them. Is she embarrassed now? Probably, but she wouldn’t have been if she didn’t say it and got over herself, to begin with. Her insecurity is her problem and she made it everyone else’s.” – Sirix_8472
“Did SIL expect OP to lie about why she wasn’t going and potentially create problems with her husband? Did SIL expect her brother to come alone, unbothered that his wife wasn’t there? I’m so confused!” – Consistent_Rent_3507
“Was she expecting you to keep your husband in the dark? When the big day arrives and he expects you to accompany him, what were you expected to say?” – Emiliomay03
Others felt bad for the SIL, despite how she treated the OP.
“I actually feel deeply sorry for SIL. She is so unhappy. And it sounds like soon-to-be BIL might be giving her reasons to be. She so desperately wants to feel special, loved, and admired (in her mind) just for this one day, but can’t understand OP isn’t the problem here.”
“I hope she doesn’t go ahead with the wedding, but we all know she will. She’s going to be unhappy for many years to come. And it’s still somehow always going to be OPs fault.” – lurkylurkeroo
“We’ll be hearing from their kids in 20 years about how their dad cheated and their mom won’t leave, even though he treats her like trash.” – AnneMichelle98
“OP needs to purchase a series of white bikinis for each day of the vacation. Actually, all of OP’s vacation clothes need to be white (white sundresses, white shorts, white tanks, white rompers, white sandals, white everything…).”
“It’s truly sad the SIL has insecurities but that is a her problem and not an OP problem.”
“She is wrong for taking it out on OP and then accusing her of wanting to flaunt her looks/body at her wedding when her husband lets his sister know that she is out of line.”
“Further, SIL will be questioned at her wedding as to why her brother and wife aren’t there and all the attention the bride thought she’d have by uninviting OP will now actually go out the window and I suspect guests will side-eye bride or talk behind her back.” – mellee674
“She may be insecure but that doesn’t give her the right to insult your appearance. The age-related remarks are hilarious because you’re literally 2 years younger.” – bendytoepilot
“If your sister is getting married, you tend to talk about it quite a bit and there are usually rehearsal dinners you’re invited to, showers, etc.”
“Was OP supposed to show up to these like everything is normal and then the day of the wedding not show up seemingly out of the blue (to everyone but the bride)?”
“If hubby says, ‘What are you wearing to the wedding’ / ‘Are you looking forward to the wedding?’ etc., is OP supposed to just lie to her husband?”
“This woman needs help with her insecurities, honestly. I feel a bit sorry for her if she’s that crippling insecure but this is a bit bonkers.” – TropheyHorse
A few recommended what the OP could do instead of attending the wedding.
“NTA. You should go on vacation with your hubby while the wedding is happening and blow up social media with bikini pics. Then again, I’m petty…” – NorthernLitUp
“If she escalates this any further, make sure you post a bikini pic under every single one of her wedding pics, and comment, ‘Wish I could have been there!'”
“I, too, am petty. This is the way.”
“NTA.” – Mogus0226
“Have a cocktail with a great big piece of cake. The ‘I can eat this AND wear a bikini!’ Even if it’s not normally true. Because calories on vacations don’t count, right?”
“(I drank SO MANY virgin daiquiris on my honeymoon because I decided that calories don’t count on a honeymoon, and dang, I enjoyed the h**l out of every single one).” – pencils_
The subReddit was thoroughly puzzled by what the sister-in-law thought uninviting the OP would accomplish that wouldn’t just create more drama for her wedding day.
They hoped the sister-in-law would find a way to feel more comfortable with her relationship with the OP, but in the meantime, she needed to find a way to treat the OP better, or the OP needed to skip the wedding and do something nice for herself and her husband.