Not everyone is thrilled when they are asked to be a bridesmaid.
Touching as the gesture is, that a friend or family member wants you standing with them at the altar on their special day, it's also not unreasonable to say that being a bridesmaid comes with its downsides.
Such as the added responsibilities on and around the day of the wedding.
Not to mention, the dress.
Redditor mentallyiam- was soon to be married, and while she didn't have all her bridesmaids wear the same dress, she gave them parameters to choose from.
Even so, one of the original poster (OP)'s bridesmaids still wasn't looking forward to wearing her dress, even going so far as to ask the OP if she could change out of it following the ceremony.
Something the OP forbade.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not letting my bridesmaid change out of her bridesmaid dress after the ceremony?"
The OP explained why her bridesmaid wanted out of her bridesmaid's dress, and why she was not eager to allow it:
"I (27 F[emale]) am getting married in 6 weeks and I was asked by one of my bridesmaids if they could change out of their bridesmaid's dress into a black dress after the ceremony because she's uncomfortable in color."
"A little background, all of my bridesmaids are wearing a dusty blue."
"I allowed them to pick whatever style of dress they wanted; my request is that they all wear the blue and length needs to be long."
"The reason she feels uncomfortable is because of the color of her hair and skin tone on top of her thyroid issues that just arose and causes her to gain weight."
"She wants to be respectful but she is uncomfortable in the color."
"I told her I would like everyone in their bridesmaids dresses as we will be taking pictures all night and I didn't want any other bridesmaids asking 'can I change too?'"
"However, I feel like an a**hole denying her."
"At the same time, it's only one night and it's okay for me to be a little selfish right now."
"Am I the a**hole?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not the OP was the a**hole for refusing to allow her bridesmaid to wear her dress.
Many agreed that ultimately, the OP was overstepping, as at the end of the day no one would really think much of a bridesmaid in a different dress, and the OP's main concern should have been her bridesmaid having a good time at her wedding, not the dress she was wearing:
"YTA."
"Something the wedding industry doesn't tell you is that once people leave the reception, they forget basically everything within an hour."
"This is a day you're meticulously planning to the nines and I promise you that half the stuff you're obsessing over is stuff that nobody will notice or care about, even you."
"My SIL was one of my bridesmaids."
"I'm known for loving makeup (I like playing around with colors and hues)."
"My SIL has worn it maybe twice since I've known her."
"She was afraid to wear it on my wedding day because she was afraid she'd get it wrong."
"I told her if she wanted to wear makeup then great, but I wanted HER there, not what she looked like."
"I ended up doing her makeup in my wedding dress, lol."
"Throw a good party."
"Make sure there's decent food, drinks, hot and cold running water."
"That's all anyone will care about."- Whiteroses7252012
"Weddings don't mean it's okay to be selfish."
"YTA."
"Let her be comfortable after the ceremony and pictures."- gkdfp
"Do you hear yourself?"
"You won't 'let' a grown woman change?"
"She's your friend."
"She is battling a health issue that impact her appearance."
"You'll forget about the black dress in pictures in no time."
"She'll remember your selfishness forever."
"YTA."- Cute-Detective8730
"YTA."
"She's expressed why spending the entire night in the bridesmaid dress would be uncomfortable for her."
"She's most likely very self-conscious right now about weight gain from her thyroid issues, and yes, black clothing can help to hide noticeable weight gain."
"Once the ceremony and photos are done, allow her to change out of her bridesmaid dress and into something that she feels more comfortable in for the evening reception."- Mysterious-Tune-3216
"YTA."
"You won't be taking pictures all night and honestly you will look back and be like wow, I used 1 pic from the entire wedding in my home."
"If she doesn't change until after speeches and bridal dances, then I think that's fair."- yarshigirl18
"YTA."
"Get the formal photos done and then let her get changed."
"Thyroid issues are tough to deal with at first."
"Let her be comfortable."- GOPsucksA**
"YTA."
"Your friend is feeling incredibly insecure and not confident."
"She will be wearing it for the pictures and the ceremony, you should do what you can to let her feel comfortable."
"No one will care what a bridesmaid is wearing post ceremony."- Murky-Technician5123
"YTA."
"And my biggest reason is, if she's having thyroid issues and gaining weight now, chances are that dress will not fit her properly or be physically comfortable either."
"If she was asking for the whole wedding then I'd be on your side."
"But she's asking for after everything."
"Once you've eaten, and taken the official pictures."
"All pictures after are the fun ones where you'll be with everyone."
"And honestly, if she doesn't feel comfortable, do you think she'll be in any of the fun photos after?"
"I personally avoid photos when I don't feel I look my best."
"You might get 1-2 out of me, but you aren't getting extras."
"Not saying she's the same, but there's definitely a chance."
"I'm editing to add - not sure what type of material the dresses are, but light blue also puts sweat on display."
"Not sure if that adds another layer."- Trick-Significance80
"I was done reading when you started a sentence with 'I allowed them'."
"They are adults and your guests and not props."
"YTA."- werschaf
"IMO, people are being much too precious about their weddings these days."
"YTA."
"Let your supposedly good enough to be a bridesmaid but apparently not good enough for you to actually care about her feelings friend wear what makes her comfortable."- SparklesIB
"YTA."
"Something people don't seem to be discussing is thyroid problems might not only be making her uncomfortable about weight, but also SWEATING!"
"Black would hide it more."
"She may be really embarrassed about huge sweat stains showing."- countd0wns
There were some, however, who understood the OP's frustrations, but still felt the right thing to do was to let her change:
"I'd say NAH, but also maybe just let her change."
"Get the photos done after the ceremony, maybe get some during the reception, then let her change."
"Let her be comfortable."
"I mean, you could refuse and she could leave early, back out completely, or just suck it up and be uncomfortable the whole time."
"Would you rather have photos of her in a black dress she's comfortable in, or photos with the bridesmaid dress feeling uncomfortable?"
"Because, let me tell you, no matter how much she smiles in pics, it will be clear she's uncomfortable."- Starling01018
"NAH."
"Really, but that doesn't mean you couldn't be a bit more flexible."
"Someone you consider dear enough to have in your bridal party is experiencing health challenges and subsequent mental health (self esteem) challenges, are you sure there's no flexibility you can offer to this human that you love?"
"Possibly after dinner/speeches, once all of your formal, posed portrait photos and whatnot are done, she could change?"
"At that point, it's unlikely she'll be in any significant group photos where you'll even notice the difference."
"Just some food for thought!"- Relevant_Emu_5464
"NAH, but I would seriously consider saying yes after formal pictures are taken."
"What do you want more from your reception pictures, your friend dressed like your other friends or your friend looking happy and comfortable?"- not_hestia
"NAH."
"But I would ask her to stay in the dress for the ceremony, pictures, reception entrance, dinner, and speeches so that the important moments all match, but once speeches are done, let her change and be comfy."- melodymaybe
"NAH."
"It's fine for her to ask, fine for you to say 'sorry, no', and fine for her to duck out if that's a problem for her."- Snurgisdr
Very few bridesmaids love, or even like, their bridesmaids' dresses.
In the case of this particular bridesmaid, though, it seems to be a bit more than just a simple dislike of her dress.
Leaving the OP to consider what ultimately matters more, whether her bridesmaid stays in her dress or if she has a good time at her wedding.
