When we are guests in someone else’s home, we generally want to ensure we are taking good care of it.
Many people tend to be even neater and tidier than they are in their own home.
Most of the time, this gesture is appreciated by our hosts, and we are met with gratitude and appreciation.
Most of the time.
Redditor honkifconfused2 and her husband recently housesat for a close family friend.
While there, the original poster (OP) and her husband made sure they were taking good care of the OP’s home.
With the OP even making sure she was putting in a little extra care.
Much to the OP’s surprise, however, the OP’s efforts were met with anything but appreciation.
Wondering if they had done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for cleaning the house I was housesitting?”
The OP explained why their friend was furious when she returned to her home, which the OP and her husband had been housesitting:
“For context me (28 F[emale]) and my husband (31 M[ale]) have been together for 9 years in total and since he was younger he has been friends (family really) with this older woman named Sharron and her family.”
“He played soccer with her son.”
“A couple of months ago, she asked us to house sit and dog sit for her while she was away on a business trip, and she paid for our flights from Pennsylvania to Arizona.”
“She said that it would be less expensive to have us fly out than pay for a sitter for her dog that needs extra care.”
“It was also a little vacation for us, so I felt kinda bad she was paying for us as well, but I went anyways.”
“While we were there I had been cleaning the house.”
“This house was not dirty at all, but I did mop, sweep, and clean up random stuff around the house as a gesture as that was what I was taught was a nice practice.”
“Anyways, she came home and was super offended that I cleaned and that it was disrespectful to her.”
“I said I thought I was being nice, and it would be nice to come home and relax.”
“My husband said that she was being unreasonable.”
“Now my husband and her are not talking, and she is talking about me to the rest of the family, and I feel like it’s my fault.”
“The random stuff I cleaned was countertops/tables, folding blankets, cleaning the bathroom before we left, and some (very) light dusting.”
“I did not throw out anymore or move anything to different places, if I did move anything to wipe it down, it was right back to its place.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community almost unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for cleaning her friend’s house.
Everyone agreed that the OP was doing her friend a favor, with just about everyone agreeing that they would have been the same thing:
“NTA.”
“This was a miscommunication.”
“You did what you believed to be the right thing, having no information to the contrary.”
“She didn’t like it.”
“She’s allowed to not like it.”
“She’s allowed to be upset about it.”
“That doesn’t mean what you did was actually wrong though.”
“At least, based on what you’ve said here.”- pkkmm
“NTA.”
“In other news.”
“You looking for anymore house sitting gigs?”- TheKeystoners
“NTA.”
“My mom taught us to always leave a place you stay better than how you found it.”
“If you all were staying there, you pretty much just cleaned up after yourselves.”- SeorniaGrim
“What is she talking to the rest of the family about you, lol?”
“’That B had the nerve to clean up after herself, and wipe down the counters’.”
“‘Unbelievable!’”
“NTA.”- TuckerCarlsonsOhface
“NTA.”
‘But, just as a previous poster asked, what random stuff did you organize?”
“A friend of mine checked in on my dog while I was away.”
“I came home and my place smelled of floor cleaner.”
“She had taken it upon herself to clear off my kitchen counter and proceed to clean it with my floor cleaner.”
“Luckily the counter wasn’t ruined.”
“When I told her that she shouldn’t have used that on the counter, I felt kind of bad that I wasn’t thanking her instead, but I didn’t ask her to clean anything (except any dog mess).”- Total-Goat6792
“NTA.”
“You probably hit on an insecurity she has.”
“If someone was house sitting for me & I came home to a cleaner home, I would instantly feel embarrassed, like the house wasn’t clean enough and they had to clean my dirty house.”
“I would also be insanely grateful and respond more with thanks & apologizes for my dirty home.”- starry_nite99
“NTA.”
“I wish all houseguests left the place neater than when they got there.”- ParhTracer
“NTA.”
“When i watch my friends kitties while her and her mom are gone, I always do the dishes, put the dishes away, (not my dishes btw they were just left from before they left) I clean up the couch and etc and then vacuum and grab all the trashes before I leave.”
“She’s always been a tidy person who stress cleans, so it’s not that her apartment was dirty, it was just something I knew she’d stress about after getting home that I wanted to take care of for her so she could just relax.”- Odd_Climate_1630
“NTA.”
“I house sat for some friends and before they came, I did the same.”
“Swept, mopped and cleaned the bathroom.”
“I would also be THRILLED if someone did this for me at any time lol.”- Outrageous_Bag1722
“If you would like – you can always come to my house and clean.”
“Lol.”
“I am like you – clean up after yourself and maybe even leave it a little nicer than you found it.”
“Especially when borrowing someone’s car (also put a full tank of gas in it when you give it back).”
“I would be thrilled to come home from a work trip to zero things needing to be done.”
“NTA.”
“Ignore the comments.”
“You’re a nicer person than most.”- CheeSupreme1743
“NTA.”
“Even the husband is, where he should be, on your side.”- zzay
“NTA.”
‘This sounds like misdirected anger.”– LadyJusticeThe
“NTA.”
“But FYI the reaction may depend on your relationship.”
“My mother-in-law is a big snoop.”
“She once did the same; including cleaning behind the bed (where our toys were hidden).”
“She was not even staying in our room.”
“The next time we just locked the bedroom door.”
“Which she complained about.”– DruidHeart
“NTA.”
“I think that OP owes her husband’s family friend a sincere apology, to the extent that she is sorry that she over-stepped their implicit boundaries.”
“She should say that she meant to be helpful and respectful, and that she appreciated the opportunity to come visit Arizona and get quality time with such a good dog.”
“If the homeowner wants to stay mad, that’s on her.”
“It is very common for people to be insecure about their housecleaning and feel ‘called out’ if someone else does that work.”
“It is amazing how many people stay up late cleaning the day before a housekeeper comes.”- mycruelid
“Can I pay for you to travel to my house and house sit and clean?”
“NTA.”– StructEngineer91
There were some, however, who could see why the OP’s friend might have been put off by her cleaning, as she could have taken it as a commentary on her own cleanliness, even if they still didn’t find her reaction appropriate:
“ESH.”
“She’s overreacting, but she probably felt like you cleaning was a commentary on her own cleanliness (and to an extent it is), even though you were just trying to be nice.”
“That said:”
“‘I did clean up random stuff around the house’.”
“This is where you lost me.”
“I’ve had dogsitters helpfully try to ‘clean up’ my stuff around the house, and getting home to unexpectedly find that your stuff is not left where or the way you like it is not relaxing in the least.”
“Yes, it ‘looked’ cleaner, but I actually had to spend a fair bit of time and effort fixing things back to the way I wanted them.”- ShadowsObserver
“I’m going against the grain here to say ESH.”
“I had this happen to me where I had a friend pet sit and they cleaned my whole house to sparkling.”
“My house was not dirty to begin with but clearly had been cleaned with significant effort.”
“I felt awful that the house wasn’t clean enough for her to feel comfortable just feeding the pets.”
“I felt obligated to tip her heavily because of the extra work she did.”
‘She also rearranged my kitchen, which made it hard to find things.”
“I know she had good intentions so I wasn’t openly upset with her, but I wouldn’t ask her to pet sit again.”
“Your friend is the a**hole for badmouthing you to family though.”- Acrobatic_Toe7157
Had the OP’s friend returned to their home to find papers disorganized, appliances moved to different places, or items thrown out, her anger would have been more than justified.
However, seeing as she came home to a clean home, it’s a little confusing exactly what she found so “disrespectful”?
One can only imagine how she would have reacted had she come home to a dirty home…