While some of us are lifelong learners and dream of going to school forever, most of us pursue higher education because we want a better-paying job and to build a sustainable life for ourselves.
Unfortunately, sometimes people get greedy when they start to notice we've gotten comfortable, side-eyed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor TickingThrottle worked hard throughout college and had made quite a life for himself after college and would now consider himself to be well-off.
When he realized that his college friends were still spending time with him, but seemed preoccupied with his money or ability to pick up the tab, the Original Poster (OP) regrettfully realized that these people were no longer his friends.
He asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by ignoring my college friends because they keep hinting that I should give them money now?"
The OP had a close group of friends from his college days.
"I (33 Male) have a group of college friends that I always considered more like brothers than friends."
"Back in college, four of us rented a condo near campus and lived together for years."
"We got into all kinds of stupid stuff, pulled pranks, partied, did dumb things that at the time felt like the most important thing in the world. Looking back, those were probably the best years of my life."
"We graduated in 2015, and slowly everyone moved back to their hometowns. We're all still in touch, and everyone is doing alright. Some have full-time jobs, some work part-time, but nobody is starving or anything like that."
The OP continued to work hard after college and had built a life for himself.
"In 2020, I got a pretty big promotion at work. Since then I've been sent on a bunch of international work trips, and my salary has increased a lot."
"I don't really post much on social media, but every once in a while, I might post a picture from a nice hotel, a rental car while traveling, or a watch I'm wearing. Nothing crazy."
"Honestly, it's mostly for family and close friends to see what I've been up to."
"The problem started a few years ago."
"Whenever we're on a group call, or if I'm visiting one of them, one friend in particular always finds a way to bring up how much money I must be making. Then the jokes start. Things like, 'Come on, bro, you're rich now,' or, 'You should help your college friends out.' Then sometimes a couple of the others join in."
The OP was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the comments.
"At first I laughed it off because I thought they were joking. But it keeps happening. Every. Single. Time."
"What annoys me is that I've never acted like I'm better than anyone. I've never thrown my salary in anyone's face. Also, it's not like I never spend money on them."
"When I got engaged, I paid for their plane tickets so they could attend. Bought them nice gifts too. For my engagement party and again before my wedding, I covered the entire bachelor party bill because I wanted us all to have a good time together."
"But apparently that's still not enough."
"I've told them multiple times that if we're meeting up for an event or celebration, sure, I'll happily chip in or even cover some costs. But I'm not just going to randomly send money because I happen to earn more than they do."
The OP had started to distance himself from his old friends.
"Lately, I've stopped joining some of the group calls, because I already know where the conversation is going."
"The second money comes up, I just lose interest. Honestly, it kinda sucks because these are guys I considered family for almost 15 years."
"Part of me wonders if I'm overreacting and should just ignore the comments. Another part of me feels like they're starting to see me as a wallet instead of a friend."
"Am I wrong for distancing myself from them?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some sympathized with the OP over going through this difficult time of figuring out who his real friends are.
"Real friends are ones you can call on, and they show up. When it becomes transactional, it's time to pull back. Friendships aren't always for life; sometimes they are something you remember fondly but understand you've become different people."
"I'm 62 and my long-time friends of more than 40 years all have different lives. Some earn a lot more than me; some earn less. A couple are disabled on fixed incomes."
"We never discuss money, and we all pay our own way. I've lent some of them money; they've lent me money. It's always been paid back without an issue. Over the decades, the leeches, the entitled, the mooches have all fallen away. What's left is the life friends who have stuck together through the years."
"The hardest thing in life is working out who are your friends." - Adelucas
"You're not overreacting. A 'joke' can happen once, but not every time you're on call. They just see you as a wallet and want more every time." - Haunting-Owl-2107
"They are sadly jealous, and are not handling their feelings very well by lashing out at you. NOR." - Osidestarfish
"NOR. You've outgrown them. This happens. Few friendships last beyond school/college. Good friends would not constantly ask for money; that's just rude." - Embarrassed-Shock621
"NOR, but what you do next matters and will dictate how you see it. You can either ghost them and just not hang out with them anymore, but they will always wonder why and will probably at some point ask you."
"Or you can join a call, wait for it to take its inevitable course and say what you’ve said here, 'I feel like you all just see me as a walking wallet, which is unfair. Yes, I paid for you all to party with me when I got engaged because I missed you all and wanted to spend time with you. I don’t enjoy these calls when you all keep hounding me for money, and yes, that is how I feel.'"
"If they’re really your friends, they’ll realise the 'joke' or topic has gone too far, apologise, and won’t bring it up again. It may be weird for a bit, but their behaviour here will show whether they’re actually friends or whether they do see you as a piggy bank."
"If it’s the latter, at least you’ll know, and you’ll have told them that you’re not standing for it anymore and don’t enjoy it. Then you’ll have closure, and there won’t be any misunderstanding about why you’re no longer friends with them, and you won’t end up hearing on the grapevine that you’re no longer friends with them because you’re too good for them or whatever." - manxbean
Others reassured the OP that he was doing the right thing by distancing himself from people who would just use him.
"I actually distanced myself from people (relatives and former friends) because they were always making snide comments about me travelling 'back home' to see them."
"I played it off until I realised they were really resentful about me getting out of there and moving to Australia."
"I started responding to the jokes with pointed comments about if it was so important to see me, why didn't they plan a trip here; we'd be happy to host them. Only five people took me up on that in 22 years."
"Some people are there for you and just aren't on the same level as you financially, and that's okay. Others want something from you, and others still will say or do whatever they can to make themselves feel better about you doing better than they are. Only the first option can be real friends; realize which group these men fall into." - popchex
"NOR. You outgrew these friends but haven’t realized it yet. Normal friends don’t expect ‘the rich one’ to pay." - greenfuzzytea
"NOR, but you could also just tell them it makes you uncomfortable."
"With that being said, it does sound like your occasional posts so people close to you can see what you’ve been up to are not actually updating anyone on what you’re up to, but a humble brag. How does showing a fancy rental car, or a watch, show what you’re up to? That sounds more like the point of showing that photo is to flex."
"Then you’re wondering why they associate you with being loaded?"
"They genuinely could be the problem, but make sure to be honest about the role you're playing in all of this before you call them out." - Spicy7997
"NOR. They have very bad manners, which was probably hilarious in college. But it’s time for them to grow up. You’ve already done a lot for them. It may be time to phase out of these friendships." - RestlessLegacy
"Distance yourself. Stand firm. They obviously are envious of your success. Not happy for you, just want to use your financial side to their benefit."
"It is insulting, inappropriate, and a reflection of their constant angst about you versus them." - MBAZ7
Most friendships last through a particular season of our lives, like at a workplace or throughout college, and it's for good reason. We often grow once we enter a new space, like getting a promotion after college, and sometimes we can't take everyone we used to know to a new level.
That said, if we want to be treated like a person and not like a wallet, it's important not to throw in other people's faces the assets we're accruing, which some Redditors were suspicious the OP might be doing without realizing it.
