There's a saying about choosing between two awful options, the lesser of two evils, but what about the opposite?
What if your options are your dream concert and your dream destination?
A woman facing just such a dilemma turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Forward_Frame_3354 asked:
"AITAH for telling my husband I won't go on vacation with him and my in-laws, but go to a concert instead?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So I (31, female) booked a concert ticket last month to see my favorite artist. The concert is in August and I have been saving up and looking forward to it for a long time."
"My husband doesn't really like this artist and I initially planned to buy two tickets for us, but he refused my offer and said he's not interested to go to that concert. I decided to go alone and booked a VIP ticket for myself."
"Yesterday, my husband told me that my mother-in-law has planned and booked an expensive family vacation for us for one week. I was happy when I heard we'd be going on a family vacation, but then he told me the date and they overlap directly with the concert."
"I told him that I'd rather stay behind to go to the concert instead of going on the vacation."
"My husband was upset and said that he thought I'd put family first instead of prioritizing the concert."
"So AITAH for choosing the concert?"
"I'm genuinely wondering if I'm being selfish here. What would you have done if you were in my shoes?"
The OP later added:
"I'm seeing a recurring question that I would like to address. Apparently my mother in law planned it as a surprise for us especially me. The place she booked is my dream destination."
"My husband told her about it this week and her immediate reaction was to book it and surprise us. She asked my husband beforehand which week we'd both be free this year and he told her."
"When I asked him why he didn't tell her about the concert, he told me that he didn't think she would actually book it , so he was surprised as well when she sent him the booking confirmation. And since she has already booked it, he can't tell her to cancel."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to stick to her original plans (NTA).
"NTA, since you already had the concert booked and apparently weren't asked about what week you could go on vacation. If he had said 'mom wants to take us on a vacation but the only avaliable time is x week, would you come?' that would be a different story." ~ Sparklingwine23
"110% agree with this. And if I was in the same position I would go see the artist I want. And take the house to myself time to blast their music."
"Order your favorite take out. Watch your favorite shows. Read a book in peace. Share chips with your dog."
"Heck even dance naked around the house if you want."
"You had your plans set way ahead of theirs."
"And your partner should have had the balls to stand up to mommy and say that you have something important to you, book for another time." ~ ElectricalGoal248
"Yeah..... You've got a lot of faith in a man who's behavior suggests he's not deserving of it."
"Your husband just happened to mention your "dream destination" to his mom? And she just happened to immediately decide to impulsively book an expensive trip without any discussion about your availability? And she just happened to pick the EXACT week of the concert you're excited about that your husband didn't want to go to?"
"That's a whole lot of coincidences. The most likely scenario here is:"
- "He turned down your offer to buy him a ticket expecting that you just wouldn't go."
- "He was annoyed/pissed that you were going to go without him and needed a way to ruin your happiness."
- "He went to his mom with the suggestion of going on vacation and deliberately planned it for that date to try and force you to cancel your plans."
"And here's your proof... 'My husband was upset and said that he thought I'd put family time first instead of prioritizing the concert."
"He planned this because he doesn't want you to go to the concert. Go to the concert. Life is too short to waste it catering to fragile egos like his." ~ QualityParticular739
"Your husband should've told his mom the day you were going to the concert. Sounds like he was intentionally trying to sabotage your concert plans because he personally doesn't like the music act. Pretty big a**hole move from him." ~ StupidAName420
"Why would your in-laws book an expensive family vacation without checking if the date is good for everyone? They should have asked you, not just your husband." ~ Curious_Eggplant6296
"You know your husband orchestrated this, right?" ~ kmflushing
"Call me cynical, but I'd bet hubby specifically gave your concert date to his mom saying you were both free." ~ Worldly-Grade5439
"He absolutely did."
"He gave her the dates. 'When I asked him why he didn't tell her about the concert, he told me that he didn't think she would actually book it'."
"But why give her that date at all when he knew she had the concert? Because he doesn't want her to go and enjoy herself without him."
"If I was OP, I'd go direct to his mother, tell her what happened and that you can't cancel on going to the concert, see if she can move the date of the holiday. If they act quickly enough it might be possible." ~ Local_Gazelle538
"Yeah it's so giving 'she mustn't enjoy things without me' vibes." ~ MargotSoda
"I am thinking it is 'if it is something I don't enjoy, then no one should enjoy it'."
"Someone at my work is like that. They have had food samples from a customer sitting in the office for months because he won't eat it. Every time someone suggests splitting it up and everyone taking some home to enjoy it, he throws a little fit and says no, but doesn't have a good reason on why. We have all given up on it and expect it to sit there for years until it goes bad and needs to be thrown away."
"Either that or this artist's tickets resell for boatloads and he sees it as a double win. Mommy pays for a vacation and he can pocket a bunch of money from selling wife's tickets." ~ NotMe739
"Almost woke up my husband yelling at my phone, 'it's a mf set up!! He doesn't want her to go enjoy a concert without him.' Damn straight he set this up."
"I bet mother-in-law didn't even ask about anything. I bet he hinted to his mom that he wanted to take her but money and all and 'wouldn't it be nice to surprise her? She deserves this so much and I want to take her someplace memorable!'."
"And that whole 'I didn't think she'd book it!' He asked her to, so of course she did."
"MILs don't just plan a surprise trip for a couple without one of them being involved in picking dates. And how did she know HE was off, and why was he off?"
"Curiouser and curiouser. He definitely did this on purpose. Go to the concert OP, do NOT reward backhanded sneakiness, and thats what this is. A plan to sabotage your solo concert." ~ HeyPrettyLadyMaam
The OP offered an update of sorts:
"I've read through all the comments and wanted to address and clarify a few points that keep coming up."
"The artist is BTS, and quite a few people have asked whether I could sell my ticket and attend a different show in another city instead. Unfortunately, the entire tour is sold out, and there are no VIP tickets available for any other dates."
"If I were to cancel now, I would have to downgrade significantly to whatever seats might still be left, which isn't really an option for me."
"Several people also asked if I could join the family later, after the concert. The answer is it's both possible and impossible at the same time."
"The family trip is to South Africa for a safari. Last year I came across a luxury safari lodge online and casually mentioned to my husband how amazing it would be to experience something like that one day."
"It's far beyond our usual vacation budget, so I never imagined it would actually happen. It turns out my husband saved this info and noted down the information and when the opportunity came up, he made it a reality."
"My mother-in-law has already paid for the entire accommodation, and it's non-refundable. Even if I tried to join later, the safari would already be halfway through. The logistics of catching up including extra flights, transfers, and potentially separate arrangements would be extremely complicated and prohibitively expensive."
"Thank you all for the suggestions and for caring enough to offer ideas. I really appreciate it."
Whether it was a setup to sabotage OP's concert plans or not, she has the right to choose her previous arrangements.
If her husband wanted her to go, he could have picked different dates for the family vacation.
