Life is full of fun and exciting events, not to mention surprises.
And some people are full of FOMO (fear of missing out) all the time, it seems, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Recent-Employment636 was surprised when their future sister-in-law not only announced her pregnancy at an early date, but she also demanded they move their wedding date to accommodate her likely delivery date.
When the whole family thought this was a good idea, the Original Poster (OP) was overwhelmed.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for not canceling my wedding because my SIL’s (sister-in-law’s) due date is close to our wedding date?”
The OP was excited about all the reasons to celebrate coming up.
“My SIL is 2 months pregnant and she’s due on August 6.”
“My fiancé’s and my wedding date is July 30th. We’ve saved the date and booked every venue about it since May. Booking a wedding these days can be really hard since everyone is rescheduling after two years of constant postponements.”
“My SIL announced that she’s two months pregnant last week. She also said her due date. We congratulated her and we were really excited.”
The OP’s sister-in-law wanted to make some scheduling changes, though.
“After a few days, yesterday we met with her again and she said she wanted to sit me and my husband down and discuss the cancellation or postponement of our wedding because of her due date.”
“We were shocked and surprised since we never discussed or even implied the wedding would be postponed.”
“We kindly said to her that we won’t cancel the wedding and we won’t be mad if she won’t be able to make it because her due date will be close.”
“She said she won’t accept not attending her brother’s wedding, so we have to make it work and look for another date.”
“We explained we can’t do it right now since every other date will be booked and if we cancel or postpone then the next wedding date available is after February 2023.”
“She said fine, so be it, we should book it for then.”
“My fiancé and I were clear that we cannot and will not postpone. We have already prepaid some aspects of our vendors and we won’t get all of our money back if we cancel.”
“Also, I’m gonna be honest. We don’t want to cancel or postpone either. The wedding has been booked since spring 2021 we’ve almost finished all preparations for it so we will have the last few months before the wedding more relaxing and chill.”
“Also, my SIL doesn’t have an active role in the wedding. She’s the groom’s sister but she has no duties she’ll have to carry out. She can attend and sit in a chair to feel more comfortable and leave whenever she gets tired.”
“She can also choose not to attend altogether if she doesn’t feel comfortable. Even if she had duties, I’d find it perfectly reasonable for her to back out.”
The family didn’t agree with the OP’s viewpoint.
“My in-laws have all gotten involved now and they’re trying to pressure us to postpone the wedding because if we don’t, my SIL will probably not attend, and she thinks it’s unfair to not be present in her brother’s wedding.”
“My fiancé and I have not changed our minds, but my SIL claims we are very selfish for not thinking about her feelings too and changing the date.”
“AITA for not postponing or canceling the wedding?”
The OP also shared more about the geographic situation, as well as their future husband’s feelings, in a comment.
“We all live in the same city, my SIL and we live close by.”
“The wedding and venue are 20-25 minutes away by car and the hospital she’ll give birth (her gynecologist works there) is closer to the venue than her house is.”
“So even if she happened to give birth during the wedding, it wouldn’t even be a 10-minute drive.”
“My fiancé is bummed his sister probably won’t attend, but he said that it’s unfortunate and he’s not willing to change anything about it because everything’s already planned and most of our vendors are already paid.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned why the sister-in-law didn’t go with the flow on this one.
“I attended my brother’s wedding, three hours away from home, when I was 14 days away from my due date (first child). I would’ve done it even closer. Talked to my doctor, we knew the contingency plans, and I stayed in the shade and sat down whenever possible. It’s totally doable.”
“And if she’s in bad shape at 37 weeks, well, she can miss the wedding. My brother missed my wedding due to a back surgery he needed. I have never minded; that was important for him!”
“It will be a wonderful day, but it really is just one day, one celebration of many. If she can make it, great. If not, that’s fine, too.”
“NTA” – OddArticle1312
“Heck, one of my colleagues ‘Rosa’ got engaged. The wedding was planned a year out and she asked ‘Jane’ to be her MOH. Well, sure enough, Jane becomes pregnant unexpectedly a couple of months later and her due date is the week after Rosa’s wedding.”
“Well, they decided to take their chances and one of Rosa’s other bridesmaids agreed to take on MOH role if Jane’s baby was born before the wedding.”
“Well, Jane, in all her fully pregnant glory, was at Rosa’s wedding. She stood at the church, helped with her dress, was in all the photos, accompanied Rosa to the reception, gave a beautiful speech, and danced the night away with her husband. Jane and her husband were among the last to leave the reception and helped Rosa load the gifts into her car.”
“Then, at 2 am, Jane went into labor and gave birth to her son at 8 am. Talk about cutting it close…” – SuchLovelyLilacs
“One of my groomsmen ended up hospitalized the day of our wedding back in September. His wife was a bridesmaid, and of course, she had to be by his side!”
“It was really easy to get a phone stand, set up a zoom link, and have someone press play, and they managed to be a part of our day even when they couldn’t physically attend. It’s so easy these days!” – thevengeful
“Well, and good lord, the world doesn’t just stop turning because of a due date. It’s rich that SIL is calling OP and her fiance selfish.”
“If it’s in the same town and she hasn’t delivered yet, she can come if she feels up to it. If not, video it to share with her. It is what it is.”
“The only thing I’d say is that be prepared that some of Groom’s family could miss too if the baby is born around the time of the wedding, because due dates are an estimate at best (says the woman who went to 41 weeks and 1 day, i.e., 8 days beyond my due date before I had to have my kid induced, or as I like to say, ‘forcibly evicted.’). But NTA no matter what.” – Specific-Succotash-8
Others agreed and thought the sister-in-law wanted the attention on her.
“Even if nothing goes wrong, at 8 weeks it’s unlikely SIL has even had a dating scan. Her dates could be way off and her due date could easily change at this point.”
“I’ll put money on SIL wanting the wedding moved has nothing to do with her desire to attend her brother’s wedding and everything to do with being the center of attention during that time.”
“If her brother is getting married then – gasp! – the family might spend a weekend more interested in someone else than her and her unborn baby!” – literate_giraffe
“This is exactly what zoom is for. People have been live-streaming their weddings all through the pandemic to make sure people who cannot be there are able to attend. I’m sure she could be present in some way shape or form if she actually cares about her brother vs making it about her.”
“That might be a call in the morning, it might be streaming in, it might be watching the video later if she’s in active birth at the time.” – Familiar_Season8438
“But that’s SIL’s whole point, right? They can’t have a special day so close to when she gives birth—the focus might not be on SIL for a few days!!” – singerbeerguy
“SIL is just a tad self-absorbed.”
“Baby could come 2 months early or anything could happen!”
“I can’t imagine parents telling anyone to rebook a wedding for a 2 months pregnant person. Just crazy.” – OpinionatedAussieGal
“SIL wants all the focus to be on her and her pregnancy.”
“As others have pointed out, asking someone to move a wedding which has been partially paid for and for which save the dates have been sent out, over a pregnancy that’s only eight weeks old (if she’s even got her dates right, which she might not) is selfish and absurd.”
“She could miscarry. The child could be born early or late. There could be a terrible problem, forcing them to terminate.”
“It sounds awful to say these things, but the fact remains they are in the realm of possibility. I really hope you point all this out to your ridiculous family members who are encouraging SIL’s nonsense.”
“I say this as a pregnant person who is also due in August and who will now be missing not one but two weddings (one dear friend, one family member) because of it. The idea of asking them to reschedule is so insane I can’t even wrap my mind around it.”
“NTA, obviously.” – loptopblop
A few were concerned by the family’s defense of the sister-in-law’s demands.
“There’s a reason she had the audacity to shame OP for not canceling her wedding for her sake, and that’s the parents thinking this was a reasonable suggestion!”
“I mean seriously, I would be embarrassed to ever assume anyone would postpone an entire wedding just for me.” – higaroth
“But holy heck why is everyone enabling SIL?”
“That seems like an issue all on its own.”
“It sucks she won’t be able to attend, but these things happen, and she’ll just have to accept it.”
“Maybe someone can live stream for her if it’s really necessary to keep the peace, perhaps?”
“Good on you for not backing down.” – keiko1984
“Anyone who asks them to reschedule, they should ask them for a donation to cover the cancelation fees. You already know, no one will say yes.” – sonnidaez
“Unless SIL and In-laws are willing to cover the cancelation fees, book the new venue and vendors on their dime, this is not happening.”
“Babies happen. Sometimes it happens over important occasions. People understand. She’s trying to make your wedding about her. NTA.” – shopgirl2
“NTA at all. Wow! Where did your SIS get her sense of entitlement?”
“There is absolutely no reason for you to postpone your wedding. She is not part of it. Her due date is one week after your wedding.”
“Yes, the baby could be born early but it could also be born later. The world does not revolve around the birth of this child.”
“She is making NO sacrifices here whereas she is asking you to sacrifice fees as well as postponing the wedding for six months. This is not ABOUT her!”
“There are too many people poking their noses into YOUR BUSINESS. Tell them that you are NOT postponing and there is every chance that your SIL will be able to attend.”
“Tell them that this is no longer open for discussion and, if they press the issue, walk out or hang up. You will not be held hostage by the pregnancy card.” – patjames904
While the subReddit could understand why the sister-in-law was upset that she might not be able to attend her brother’s wedding, they agreed with the OP that this wasn’t reason enough to cancel the wedding, either.
Missing an event is terrible, but when that event includes so many details and arrangements, sometimes you just have to RSVP with a ‘no.’