In accordance with the circle of life, our parents take care of us as children, but when we reach adulthood, we find ourselves taking care of our parents.
Some view this as a burden, others as just the way things work, and some take their duties with pride, as a way of repaying their parents who were always there for them.
Sadly, not all children have the best relationships with their parents, feeling less inclined to be there for them in their time of need.
While some parents expect their children to be there for them and help them a bit sooner than they might expect.
Redditor BarracudaNo3173 always felt a bit slighted by her father, who seemed to openly prefer her younger brother to her.
Despite the original poster (OP)’s efforts to try to show her gratitude to them.
However, when it became clear to the OP that her father was trying to benefit from her luck in life, the OP became firm in her stance.
Wondering if she was being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my dad to pay for his own holidays?”
The OP explained why treating her father to a nice vacation was not immediately in the cards for her:
“My (25 F[emale]) dad (64 M[ale]) has always favored my brother (29 M[ale]), which has been clear in how he supports him and celebrates his successes.”
“I could go on for days with many examples, but here’s a pretty big one.”
“When my brother gets good news, my dad gets emotional and often teary-eyed.”
“In contrast, when I graduated from University and hosted my dad abroad, he whispered to my mom that he regretted coming and he wished he had stayed home because he thought the dinner was too expensive ($150 for five people), our bed was uncomfortable, and our fridge smelled of kimchi.”
“That comment really stung, especially because he didn’t even say this to me directly; rather, I overheard him as I was about to fall asleep (this was at night, I was on the couch in the other room as I gave my parents our double bed).”
“For context, my brother is lazy and only got his current job with help from my parents, while I moved out at 21, built an independent life, and never asked for financial help.”
“Now, as I’m working on a business with my partner, my dad said, ‘If you ever want to gift us a holiday or a car, don’t feel like you need to spend too much money’.”
“He often assumes we’ll pay for him.”
“AITA for telling him, ‘You can pay for your own holiday, you’ve got a job’”?
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to pay for a vacation for her father.
Everyone agreed that based on the way the OP’s father treated her, he was not worthy of ANYTHING, let alone an expensive car or vacation from the OP.
Many wondered why he wasn’t expecting these luxuries from his preferred younger child:
“NTA.”
“Your golden child brother can buy him a car or vacation.”- CF_FI_Fly
“NTA.”
“But was he actually serious with the comment about you giving them a vacation or a car?”
“What a weird thing to say.”- Fair_Theme_9388
“As the child of a narcissistic and bullying father who counted every penny, I totally understand.”
“You owe your father nothing.”
“Expecting you to pay for his vacations is absolutely outrageous.”
“NTA obviously.”- Wise_Session_5370
“NTA.”
“Begging for a trip from the daughter he discards over kimchi?”
“Yea, he can definitely pay for his own holiday or get the lazy brother to pay ahahahahahahahah.”-IAmTAAlways
“NTA, but you need to start laughing at these suggestions.”- statslady23
“NTA.”
“Tell him to ask his son for a holiday.”- Careless_Effect_1997
“NTA.”
“Your dad is an a**hole.”- Due-Construction-190
“NTA.”
“If he has a job, you’re right!”
“He can absolutely afford to pay his own way.”- ChaoticCrashy
“NTA.”
“Even if you did pay for a car or vacation, he would just find something to complain about.”
“It’s not worth it.”- p_0456
“I’m just curious as to where you can feed five people for $150.”
“NTA.”- curly_spy
“NTA.”
“Tell him to get golden boy to pay for anything.”- kiwimuz
“NTA.”
“Not even close.”
“My advice would be to sit your father down and lay out your issues with him.”
“Make it clear that you have no intention to pay for any trip of his.”
“That if he wants to visit you, he can pay for it himself, but that you don’t expect him to visit because he will ‘regret being there’ or ‘complain about it every step of the way’.”
“If you want a relationship with him, then give him a chance to correct the issues you raise with him.”
“If he refuses, just simply go LC.”
“That is what I did with my dad. I still see him when my sisters invite him to holidays or birthdays, but we don’t exchange calls or messages.”
“He knows not to ask me for anything because for 15 years, the only time he would contact me was to get something from me or have me cover for him on something.”
“Never cared to ask me how I’m doing or what’s going on in my life.”
“Essentially, you are NTA and you need to create boundaries and enforce them.”
“People in the family will try to use emotions to manipulate you to allow them to keep treating you poorly compared to your brother.”
“Stand your ground and maintain your boundaries.”
“It will get better.”
“I decided I needed therapy at the time I made the decision, and it helped me stay the course and know I was doing what was best for me.”
“I don’t need to be constantly reminded of differing treatment every time I see him.”
“I don’t need his negativity in my life.”
“I don’t need him destroying my happiness.”- TheDarkHelmet1985
“NTA.”
“Your dad is.”- WileCoyote83
“NTA.”
“You’re his daughter, not his atm.”
“It’s not your job to give him money.”
“He should ask his favorite brother instead.”- Novel_Quiet_4777
“NTA.”
“Tell dad that his golden child son should be the one paying for his future cars and vacations.”
“You would only select the wrong car or location.”
“Better that his favorite son do it for him so it’s just right.”
“And you know your brother never will.”- PassComprehensive425
“‘Brother is so amazing. I’m sure he’d love to pay for you!'”
“NTA.”- aaseandersen
“NTA.”
“Your dad is sexist, and he can ask your brother to pay for a holiday.”- Unicormfarts
“NTA.”
“Entitled parent, and you don’t need to gift him a damn thing.”
“It’s obvious he has no respect for you.”- Efficient-Jacket-386
“NTA.”
“Send him some kimchi if you want to get him a gift.”- AuthenticDru
“NTA.”
“It seems a little cheeky, but he sounds like he was being the same.”
“So no again NTA.”
“It’s hurtful when you’re trying so hard to give, and a person complains either to your fave or behind your back.”
“Some people are just like that.”
“It’s probably better to.”
“Or go out of your way for them.”
“I do wonder if your dad’s pride is in the way a little.”
“What you said may actually have been a nice thing.”
“Why would I pay for you, you do just fine.”- anditurnedaround
“’If you ever want to gift us a holiday or a car, don’t feel like you need to spend too much money’.”
“I promise that will never be my dilemma.”
“NTA.”- Neat-Ostrich7135
“NTA.”
“Even if you were the favorite, it isn’t your job to provide for or take care of your parents.”
“If your dad had treated you equally, you might have wanted to share the wealth.”
“You are definitely under no obligation to do so.”
“I would have said, ‘I don’t feel like spending any money, so don’t worry, I won’t!'”- JGalKnit
“NTA.”
“You could also say ‘The thought never crossed my mind’.”- Additional_Prior_981
“NTA.”
“Egad bad Dad.”- P-Strap
“NTA.”
“Tell him, golden child can pay for it.”- Brilliant_Material33
“How did you manage to say that while laughing uncontrollably?”
“NTA.”- LawyerDad1981
“I’d gift him a toy car with a note reading ‘I didn’t feel like I needed to spend too much money’.”
“NTA.”- NoHorseNoMustache
Had the OP been showered by love and support from her father, one has little doubt that she would have found many ways to repay his kindness and generosity.
As that was not the case, however, it’s not hard to see why the OP isn’t feeling so compelled.
Maybe this will be a wake-up call for the OP’s father to reevaluate his relationship with the OP?
Or maybe he’ll remain obstinate, and only find more things to complain about…