Every now and then, almost everyone has found themselves in need of a place to crash.
Sadly, not everyone can afford to check into a hotel, leading them to depend on the generosity of others who may have an open sofa to sleep on.
Should it come to this, we would want to be sure that we would be spending the night in the home of someone we know and trust.
Something the hosts would likewise want to ensure.
Redditor Charming_Usual6227 was recently contacted by someone rather unexpected, in need of a place to spend the night.
A request the OP was not at all comfortable obliging.
After being accused of "abandoning" this acquaintance, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not letting a date crash at my place when he got locked out?"
The OP explained why they were recently unwilling to open their door to someone in need of shelter:
"I (33 F[emale]) went on a date with a man (42 M[ale]) a few times."
"He once also drove me to the airport when I needed a ride."
"I found him getting attached too quickly and in a way that I wasn’t feeling/couldn’t reciprocate so I became distant and didn’t follow up with additional dates without formally breaking up since we were never together."
"A day ago, he calls to say that he parked his car in a garage that closed and can’t be reached."
"He lives two hours from New York City while I live in Manhattan so he asks if he can crash with me to avoid a night train that may or may not be running or an Uber that will cost several hundred."
"I do not feel comfortable with having him at my place and say no but try to call the parking garage to do something helpful."
"I then get a long string of accusatory texts about how I was 'not raised right', how he drove me to the airport when I needed it and how he 'thought we were friends' but I 'abandoned him in a tough situation'.”
"He also said me calling the garage was 'stupid' and 'doing something to soothe your conscience' because he already knew they were closed or he wouldn’t have asked me for help."
"I feel like I did the right thing prioritizing my personal safety after feeling red flags but cannot shake the feeling that I may have been unkind."
"An Uber back to Rye, where he’s from, is cheaper than a hotel in Manhattan but he said that was 'too expensive'."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to open her doors to this casual date.
Everyone agreed that the OP did exactly the right thing, agreeing that there were countless red flags suggesting the OP's safety and well-being were at risk:
"NTA."
"He was 100% lying in an attempt to stay over at your place."
"You absolutely did the right thing in saying no."- Awkward-Anybody5179
"NTA."
"His reaction shows that you made the right choice!"- mythoughts2020
"NTA."
"You barely know him."
"Sounds incredibly dangerous to let him stay, and his anger after you turned him down makes it even worse."
"Surely a decent person would've responded more along the lines of 'no worries, I'd book a hotel!'"- uwupingu
"NTA."
"Safety first."
"However, it might be a good move to tell this guy you don't want to see him again and solidly block him."
"I get the feeling he manufactured this 'emergency' to try and get *some* response from you after the distancing, and was banking on the 'kindness' (that - let's face it - women are often raised to embody) to get him through your front door."
"Depending on the red flags, this could have become anything from awkward to dangerous."- OniyaMCD
"The only person he can rely on is someone he only went on a few dates with?"
"No hotels available?"
"Doesn't add up."
"NTA."- squeebs555
"Not only are you NTA, but his story also doesn’t even make sense."
"He’s going to take a long train ride home and just…leave his car?"
"And then need to come back?"
"Get a hotel, go to a 24-hour diner, sleep at the train station."
"It’s Manhattan, there are plenty of places to go besides a woman’s apartment that you’ve only met a few times."- Dog-Mom2012
"NTA!"
'Sounds unsafe."- Dramatic_Candidate26
"NTA."
"You are never obligated to host a man you barely know in your apartment overnight, regardless of his travel inconvenience."-vrenxoris
"NTA."
"He’s a grown-ass man (supposedly) and should be able to figure it out himself."
"You don’t owe that clown anything."
"What a f*cking weirdo with that reaction LOL your radar was absolutely correct girl good for you."- unbenouncedtome
"NTA."
"This sketches me out a bit because most lots I've been in have a call button that routes to 24/7 customer service for."
"Pretty much this exact reason."
"I really can't fathom someone's car being completely stuck in a ramp, garage, or lot."
"But admittedly I live in a different big city."
"Either way, you did the safe thing."
"Never let a man you don't fully trust stay at your place."- MasticatingSheep
"I mean NYC is full of hotels."
"I can see asking, but there are tons of options if you say no."
"His response was unjustified."
"NTA."- Kbizzyinthehouse
"NTA."
"Dude is trying to romcom his way into a 'there was only one bed ' situation."
"You don't owe it to anyone to feel unsafe."
"Trust your instincts."- Music_withRocks_In
"NTA."
"His reaction to your 'no' tells me everything I need to know."- BunnyEaredEden
"NTA."
"Cheap motels exist."
"And his reaction to your no tells you everything you need to know about him."- tiredgummybear
"NTA."
"Just… at all."
"You don’t have to let someone into your home that you don’t want there."
"You definitely don’t have to let them stay the night."- Swirlyflurry
"NTA."
"A 42-year-old man can find his way home or to a hotel."
"He was absolutely trying to manufacture a crisis as a means of weaseling his way into your apartment."
"His reaction shows what a creep he is."
"Block him."- sequinsdress
"You’re a better woman than me, I would’ve ignored his messages until the morning and told him I went to bed early last night, sorry."
"NTA."
"His emergency seems manufactured and you don’t have to let anyone into your house if it makes you uncomfortable."- dramatic-pancake
"NTA."
"If you don't feel safe, there's no other reason needed."- Itchy_Biscotti2012
"Oh NTA, and if he can afford to stick his car in a garage in Manhattan without bothering to worry about time, then he can afford a hotel."- Otherwise_Turnip7135
"NTA."
"Better to be 'unkind' and un-assaulted."- jillian512
"A lift to the airport is very different from staying in your home for a night."
"NTA."
"Block him."- Rare_Sugar_7927
"NTA."
"His reaction said everything."
"He can stay at a hotel for one night."- EvilEnte83
"NTA."
"Trust your instincts."
"They saved you."- Sharr10
"NTA."
"With that response, you trusted your gut, and your gut was right."
"You dodged the biggest red bullet; I'd stay away."- DuskVeil9
"NTA."
"Not only were you so right, but you also saved yourself from the kind of man who sees dating as transactional."
"He probably took you to the airport thinking he’d 'get some' for doing it."
'But in reality, you may have very well saved yourself from a very, very bad night."
"If he is already showing you such a negative side to his personality when you hardly know each other, that’s a very bad sign."
"And you don’t know how bad it gets."
"I’m so glad you chose safety!"- megenekel
"Curious...what was he doing in NYC, 2 hours from home, and missed the closing of a garage?"
"I thought everything was open 24/7 in NYC :)"
"NTA, sorry pal but you don't get to spend a night sleeping at a 'casual date's' house because you couldn't get to your car on time."
"If he wanted a ride to the airport, fine...but that's a huge difference and if he can't see that it puts a woman in a vulnerable position, then he's not worth a moment more of your time or certainly not your guilt."- LiveKindly01
"I work security & have to say 'No, you cannot enter' to a lot of people for a lot of different reasons."
"I've learned that when they get upset at me, cuss me, etc...I was entirely correct to say no! I don't want them treating my staff & other customers that way if/when told no inside."
"NTA...how much harder would it have been for you if he'd tried insisting he could just share your bed, be intimate, or stay after you've asked him to leave."
"He absolutely showed you who he is."
"Congratulations on the wise choice."- Sad-Librarian-5179
The idea of an ex-partner, with whom you had a committed, multi-year relationship, spending the night is enough to send people into a tizzy.
Most people wouldn't even give a second thought to letting someone they'd gone on only a handful of dates with spend the night at their place.
If the OP hears from this man again, she might want to consider a restraining order...
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.