Double dates can seem like a pleasant idea on paper.
And sometimes, they really are a nice time, allowing couples to mix up the usual romantic night out and see some beloved friends in the process.
But they can also be totally awkward if not everybody jives together super well.
Add alcohol into the mix—along with different people's varying habits around it—and the success of a double date becomes even more up in the air.
One Redditor, known as MrPatel1986 on the site, experienced that firsthand one recent evening. He shared all the fine details in a post to the "Am I the A**hole (AITA)" subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), covered where the weirdness took place right in the title of the post.
"AITA for giving my friend's date fake drinks?"
OP kicked off the story by mentioning everyone involved.
"My friend ([29-year-old female], Alias: Abby) recently started dating this new guy ([male], Alias: Mark)."
"Last weekend, she invited my wife [31-year-old female] and me [34-year-old male] to meet Mark over dinner and drinks."
"For the record, the intention was to get tipsy."
For awhile, all went according to plan.
"The night started out well. Mark seemed pretty cool, and Abby seemed to like him. We ordered dinner in, then started drinking."
"We had a few different kinds of liquor and a bunch of mixers like seltzer, cranberry juice, etc."
"Somehow, I ended up being the 'bartender' for everyone, and was the one mixing drinks for everyone."
"I was pouring pretty generous drinks throughout the night. We all got pretty tipsy."
But OP noticed when a new dynamic began to develop.
"After a while, I noticed Mark was really starting to put them away. I'm pretty sure he had more drinks than I did, and continued to ask me to fill up his cup again and again."
"This kept up, and then Mark started creeping into the zone of for-real-drunk and not just tipsy. Like a little beyond double date night in level tipsy, moving into drinking on a Saturday with your guy friends while you're still in college drunk."
"My wife said noticed it, and I'm pretty sure Abby noticed as well."
To avoid disaster, OP came up with a subtle plan.
"It went on, he kept asking for more and more drinks."
"So what I started doing was just filling his cup with mixers with no alcohol and just giving it to him that way.
"He didn't seem to be the wiser, and just continued drinking. This kept him from getting any worse until my wife and I headed home. (We live in walking distance from our friend)."
But the close of the night would not be the end of the ordeal for OP.
"Abby called me upset about two days later.
"Apparently, Mark had some alcohol related behavioral issues after my wife and I went home, and Abby was upset at me. She asked my why I gave him so much alcohol that night."
"I told Abby that I only gave him alcohol up to a point, and then after that I started giving him plain mixers."
"Abby was surprised, but still mad at me."
"She said I should have just cut him off, because he started pouring drinks for himself after we'd left. She argued that if I just cut him off, he wouldn't have had the mentality to keep drinking."
"So Reddit, AITA for trying to pull a fast one on Mark?"
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Most Redditors were totally on OP's side.
In fact, they were impressed with his quick thinking in the moment.
"NTA. Your solution was a graceful, tactful and undramatic one, one I've used more than once."
"How is your friend pi**ed off at you because her date doesn't know when to stop? Since this is someone new in her life, I hope she really gives this some thought."
"I, obviously, don't know either of these people but getting hammered when meeting someone's friends for the first time is NOT a good sign and I am sure she has better things to do than spend her time on an allegedly adult man who still drinks like it's the last night of spring break." -- rapt2right
"NTA I think you made a really good decision to start giving him plain drinks, he made a decision to keep drinking after you left."
"He is a grown up man and you are a stranger to him, you can't control what he does." -- Avijel
Some outlined how his decision not to cut him off probably avoided a worse situation.
"NTA you did the best you could in that situation. Cutting him off completely could have caused a huge scene. It's not your fault he kept drinking after you left. You were trying to avoid a bad situation."
"Abby should be mad at Mark. He is the one with no self control and can't hold his liquor. You did nothing wrong." -- Ashley551989
"NTA, that's not how alcoholism works. Telling him he's cut off, and he has behavioral issues when drinking, he could have gotten nasty earlier in the night." -- xlxcx
"NTA cutting him off could had him react worse"
"Continuing to give him alcohol would be just as bad."
"With giving him drinks but no alcohol in them, you made him happy by drinking, but made sure his didn't get more drunk. You did the best case scenario." -- benx101
Others set their sights on Abby. They felt she was pushing blame in the completely wrong direction.
"NTA. Why didn't Abby cut him off? The fu**. Why is she blaming you? This is absurd." -- benjibhole
"NTA Her problem is with Mark and his bullsh**." -- Ilovegifsofjif
"So it's your fault for giving him alcohol and also your fault for not giving him alcohol? Hmm."
"I agree with others, I'd be more concerned about Abby. To already be making excuses and shifting blame for his behaviour is worrying. I don't know what your relationship with her is like but I think she is likely to need some support."
"NTA, obviously." -- JadedCryptographer97
"NTA She asks why you didn't cut him off? You did. You stopped serving him alcohol.... That means he was cut off. He just was to drunk to realize it."
"She's projecting onto you that she couldn't stop him from controlling himself." -- Cinemaslap1
Feel free to place bets on how long Abby's new relationship will last.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.