Family members can turn into enemies at the drop of a dime.
Sudden fallouts in familial relationships aren't uncommon.
Some people's actions just propel rage.
So is there a way to repair such damage?
Especially if that damage is literal.
Redditor HorrorElliott1999 found himself in a dilemma regarding his mother's behavior, so he turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Like AITA, the AITAH subreddit lets posters ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
He asked:
"AITAH For asking my mom to replace the pool she destroyed?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So I'm 43 M[ale] live with my fiancé, 43, and our children."
"Five kiddos."
"My mom lived with us also until recently."
"My mom had invited my sister over, 39 F[emale]."
"Apparently, my mom told my sister that our pool was busted and we needed help draining it."
"All lies."
"My sister sliced a couple of holes in it, believing our mom."
"That is when sh*t hit the proverbial fan."
"I do not blame my sister, as she was manipulated, and she has a brain injury that makes it hard for her to think sometimes."
"Well, when confronted, my mom doubled down and said she was right and the pool was an eyesore."
"It was not."
"My fiancé and I told her she owes the kids a new pool."
"She can either get one on Marketplace or buy one."
"Ours was from Marketplace."
"That pissed my mom off, and she started yelling that she was going to move out."
"My fiancé, in return, said, 'Don't let the door hit you on the way out.'"
"Now my aunt, 65 F, thinks we abused my mom by asking her to get a new pool."
"Saying things like 'the pool was free; it's no big deal.' Etc."
"My mom has since moved out and refuses to talk to anyone, even her grandkids."
"She claims she has no family but her sister and nephew."
"My Aunt has blocked me, my fiancé, and our older kids from Facebook and her phone."
"After my mom's tantrum and after she left, I did turn off her phone, which was on my plan. "
"I wasn't going to pay for someone's phone who did that to my children."
"I have since also cut my Aunt off after she verbally abused my older children on Facebook before she blocked them."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So, AITAH for asking my mom to replace the pool she had destroyed?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP WAS the A**hole here.
"NTA, your mom needs to pay for a pool." ~ Double-Appearance638
"Trash took itself out."
"The pool was a low price to pay."
"Replace it yourselves (they're probably cheap on marketplace at this time of year) and consider it a price worth paying for peace."
"Please never let her back into your home or expose your children or their things to her again."
"She intentionally destroyed your children's toy."
"This is abuse, and she is abusive."
"Now you know what she is capable of."
"You would be complicit in enabling abuse of your children yourselves if she is not completely cut off from your children."
"She knew exactly what she was doing and took advantage of your sister to attempt to retain plausible deniability."
"She is not a safe person." ~ Cardabella
"When my mom was alive, we had an every 5-10 year relationship."
"Meaning we could be around each other slightly."
"Any more than once every other week with visits and semi-regular phone calls, and we would come to blows (figuratively AND literally sometimes), which would result in me cutting her off for 5-10 years."
"It's the only relationship we could have (she was an alcoholic, and she got mean when she was wasted, which was almost daily)."
"Cut her off for 5-10 years (the amount of time it usually took my mom to realize she fu*ked up), and after however long it takes YOU to feel up to hearing her out, you can decide if you're up to it or not."
"But please don't lose sleep over her manipulation."
"I'm super proud of you for standing up to her and your aunt for being shitty to your kids."
"And I'm sorry your kids have THAT grandma."
"Enjoy your peace and keep her blocked."
"You'll know when (or even if) to try again. And if the answer to when is never, so be it."
"She did this, not you." ~ HeyPrettyLadyMaam
"I’d usually recommend small claims court… but since the pool was free, maybe just look for another free pool."
"You are NTA, but your mom is NEVER going to take responsibility and get another pool."
"Someone who acts the way she does… isn’t going to change."
"Narcissists rarely ever do. And if she acts this way about a pool…. Frankly, the best thing you can do is keep her away from your kids."
"And honestly?"
"Her moving out and you cutting off financial ties (the phone), and limiting all contact (with her and aunt) is a real win."
"Your life will be a LOT less stressful, and your kids do NOT need any of this toxicity anywhere near them."
"Sucks about the pool, but in the long run this whole situation is actually going to be a good thing."
"You and especially your children are better off away from her." ~ Pippet_4
"NTA. But moving out and no contact is a blessing."
"Block her back and focus on your family."
"I get the feeling it will be less drama now." ~ Cool_Relative7359
"NTA. Oh look, the trash took itself out."
"Keep up the food work, don't talk to these trashy people again."
"Family is not always a good thing you need in your life."
"Some family needs to be thrown away."
"Good luck." ~ happycoffeebean13
"NTA. Your mother would be found liable in small claims court."
"Sue her." ~ Medusa_7898
"NTA, she willfully destroyed your property (through an unwitting proxy). "
"She owes you a pool."
"I'm sorry your family is such a mess." ~ GryphyGirl
"NTA, just be glad she's out, and you don't have to deal with her anymore."
"Her silent treatment is a form of abuse and manipulation."
"Peace is priceless." ~ Such_Temporary_3125
"NTA. Why didn't you tell her she either pays for a new pool or you'll have her charged with destruction of property and take her to court?" ~ MyChoiceNotYours
"NTA. Give it time before your aunt comes to you whining about your mum, and you must take her back. Don't."
"Keep them blocked." ~ Ok_Young1709
"The pool may not have cost you anything, but it had value to your family."
"Tell your aunt congratulations because she just inherited your mother as her tenant."
"Personally, it’s time for your mother to find another place to live."
"Her presence is not good for your marriage or your kids." ~ MommaGuy
"Your mom 'tricked' your sister into destroying your pool because she (mom) thought it was 'an eyesore.'"
"Not cool."
"To make it worse, your mom is pissed at you because you are mad she destroyed your pool (by proxy)."
"Yeah, I’m with your fiancé; mom should leave."
"Not until she replaces your pool, because she’s clearly an AH."
"Your aunt is also an AH, not recognizing that your mom caused the destruction of your stuff and deprived your 5 kiddos of their pool."
"Insulate yourselves from toxic people, even if they’re family." ~ Relayer8782
"If the price of not having chaotic, toxic a-holes in your life is one free marketplace pool, you got a bargain."
"But she definitely owes you a pool. It doesn't MATTER what YOU paid for it or where you got it; it's YOUR POOL. NTAH." ~ madpeachiepie
"Has she done or acted anything even remotely similar in the past?"
"Was this unexpected?"
"A sudden change in behavior, and acting hostile over seemingly smaller things?"
"NTA for asking, but I would consider the possibility that cognitive decline could be involved." ~ hates_stupid_people
"What struck me most: your sister has a brain injury, and your mom manipulates her?"
"That’s her child."
"She’s horrible."
"She trashed your pool because she didn’t like how it looked."
"I’d be livid! Your poor kids!"
"I’d take the pool as the cost of getting peace in your home."
"Please don’t let her back in."
"And look out for your sister. ❤️." ~ Sparkles_4_Corvids
"NTA, just watch the fireworks that are going to start now that she lives with her sister."
"Auntie with the big mouth should have kept her opinion to herself while still helping her sister." ~ Moemoe5
"Absolutely NTA."
"Never react to that phone."
"What an ugly woman she is that she’d be part of ruining your property after you opened your home and phone plan."
"It’s a blessing there’s no contact!"
"Love yourself and your family to be done!!!" ~ hhcoffee
"You are NTAH unless you fail to enjoy the silence from not having to listen to any more nonsense from your mom or aunt."
"Good Lord!"
"Throw a party, already!"
"Live your best life! It only cost you ONE pool." ~ TomeThugNHarmony4664
"NTA. Nobody needs that kind of drama in their life, especially kids."
"If she's this immature about a pool, I can only imagine what your life as a child was like."
"You and your kids are better off without those drama queens." ~ IngrownToenailsHurt
"NTA!"
"But damn, this incident spiraled!"
"I understand why."
"It's not just that she trashed the pool."
"It's the disrespect she showed."
"Glad she moved out."
"You, your wife, and your kids don't need to live with someone so controlling!" ~ fromhelley
Reddit is swimming with you and your fiancé, OP.
Your mother and aunt are causing cruel and unnecessary drama.
Keep focusing on your family's well-being.
And just keep swimming!
