We all know, at least on some level, that actions have consequences, sometimes even expensive or long-term consequences.
But there are some people who truly believe that they are above those consequences, no matter what, side-eyed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor aitahearingaides had never really liked her obnoxious cousin that much, and those feelings only intensified the day he threw her into the family pool to ruin the hairstyle she'd just paid for.
But when her time in the pool also ruined her $6,000 hearing aids, the Original Poster (OP) was quick to teach him a lesson by insisting he pay for replacements.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for suing my cousin for 6,000 dollars to pay for my hearing aides after he threw me in the pool?"
The OP had an annoying cousin she did not like.
"My family is all on my cousin's side for this issue, and I wanted some outside judgment."
"My cousin (25 Male) has always been the golden child of our generation. He's funny, good-looking, and outgoing, not to mention a boy amongst girls. He's always loved to mess around and play pranks."
"For the record, I really dislike this cousin. I think he's irresponsible, childish, and annoying."
"I have had hearing problems for years. I recently got a $6,000 pair of hearing aids."
During a family gathering, the cousin threw the OP in the pool.
"Recently at my grandmother's birthday party, we were all eating and drinking on the back porch. My grandmother has a pool."
"My cousin decided he was going to throw me in the pool because it would be funny to ruin my hair that I just got done that day. I repeatedly told him to stop and put me down, in a very serious and not playful at all tone."
"He threw me in the pool, and my hearing aids were ruined. After when I told him what happened, he basically said, 'Whoops, didn't know you had hearing aids now.'"
The OP insisted her cousin pay for the damages.
"When I told him the cost of them and that he would have to replace them, he freaked out and said no way."
"My family didn't want me to make him pay for them because I significantly out-earn him and also everyone else in the family. He was in college at the time, barely making ends meet in a call center job. His girlfriend and he have a baby and they live in a one-bedroom apartment."
"He refused to pay, so I took him to court. I won. He refused to make the payments after, so I took him back to court and his wages are now being garnished for the maximum amount, which is 20% of his total wages."
"It pushed him over the edge of what he could afford, so he's had to work extra and drop out of college to be able to pay their rent."
The OP felt her cousin got what he deserved.
"My family is absolutely fuming at me."
"I think he made one bad choice after the other, and he has never given a sincere apology during this whole ordeal."
"Had he given me a real apology after the incident and asked if he could wait till he finished school to pay me back I would've been fine with it."
"But the entitled little pr**k is digging his feet in at every move."
"AITAH? The only reason I could see me maybe being the a**hole is because it's affecting his child and girlfriend."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that there were ways her cousin could work this out.
"NTA. Where he f**ked up was not negotiating a payment plan with you that he could afford after he did it. A 20 percent garnish is a harsh way to learn his lesson, but he earned that lesson." - ElonsRocket22
"He can go back to court and request a lower percentage if it's really hurting him. That he hasn't done so just shows me he'd rather play the victim and try to make her look bad. The court would listen to 'in school with a wife and a kid' and likely adjust that percentage until after graduation." - JaninthePan
"The 'The only reason I could see me maybe being the ahole is because it's affecting his child and girlfriend' is wrong."
"OP, the only one affecting his girlfriend and child is him and his poor life choices. He chose to throw you in the pool because he wanted to mess up your hair (for f**k's sake, he did it to hurt you)."
"He chose to not apologize or try to work with you. He chose to be sued. And I doubt he even considered how those poor choices would affect his child and girlfriend."
"One could even say having a child, while in college and barely able to cover your rent, was also a poor life choice." - FunSprinkles8
"At multiple points, he could have not thrown her in the pool. At multiple points after that, he could have got on his knees, groveled at OP's feet, and begged for forgiveness, or even just apologized in a normal way after throwing her in the pool."
"With a proper display of humility, he might even have got away with paying less than the damage he caused. Which he kind of already was when OP only told him he was responsible for the cost of the hearing aids."
"He specifically wanted to throw OP in the pool to mess up their hair that she had just had done that day. Getting your hair done isn't free."
"This guy wanted to be cruel because he finds it funny. I bet he doesn't think it's funny now. OP is definitely NTA." - Nothingnoteworth
"Funny how the family is quick to blame OP and hold her responsible, while not doing anything for their 'golden child.' If he's so infallible, pony up the $6k on his behalf and let him pay you back later."
"NTA, OP. Your family members and golden boy definitely are the AHs, though." - Carbon-Base
Others agreed and said it was right for the cousin to be punished for his behavior.
"This isn't an expensive outfit or purse (definitely hair) that he ruined. He ruined something that someone needs for daily living!"
"That will affect their life in a dangerous way until they are replaced. That would take a while to replace as it's more than a months work for most. What is she supposed to do in the interim, just stay home and leave her life until he can get his s**t together so she can HEAR again?!"
"Acting like he just broke a toy is the most enabling, outrageous, insensitive behavior I've seen." - freebrdstairway
"NTA. Your cousin ruined your $6,000 hearing aids despite your warnings, so it's fair to expect him to pay for the damage. While it's unfortunate the situation affects his family, he refused to take responsibility or apologize."
"You gave him a chance before taking legal action, and the consequences are his own doing. You're just holding him accountable for something that directly impacts your life." - miasdeepertruths
"I'm sure the family thinks that 6,000 is just a drop in the bucket for the OP and not something to be concerned about."
"What a f**ked argument that is, too. 'I make more money than you so you're just... allowed to break my sh*t and say, whoops?'"
"I hate that argument. It's so stupid and if you think about it for more than a second, you realize the logical conclusion of it. The only safe people are the poorest because it's okay to break someone's s**t but as long as they make more money than you?"
"I dunno. Sorry for ranting. NTA." - possibly_being_screw
"Just because OP 'makes more money' than another person, doesn't mean they have extra money to throw around like that. 6k is a lot no matter how you look at it."
"The family doesn't know OP's so there could be other expenses OP has to take care of."
"F**k 'em and make the cousin pay it off." - Snoo30319
"The family has clearly enabled this behavior for years and that's why he thinks he can get away with being a d**khead. He just found out that's not how it works in the real world most of the time." - Jackski
"So if he'd broken a wheelchair that someone needed to get around, he and the family would think it's okay not to replace it? Because it's hearing aids, equipment that you need to be able to hear and function in your day-to-day life, they think it's okay for him to just say 'whoops' and get away with it?"
"NTA."
"But your family is the worst. I can't believe they would enable him like that. If they all think it's so hard on him, why are they not all chipping in to pay off his debt?"
"I'm sorry you have a family of selfish a**holes!" - millymollymel
The subReddit was infuriated on the OP's behalf that her cousin had insisted on ruining her freshly-done hair, let alone ruining her hearing aids that she needed for daily life.
It was clear that the OP's cousin needed to learn some respect, not only for other people but for other people's things, and to finally understand at the age of 25 that actions have consequences.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp